[stylist] Writing exercise two

[Bridgit Pollpeter]

Priscilla,

I find the last section of this more compelling, but I like how you
describe your attitude towards diabetes.

The idea of empowerment is interesting.  It would be interesting to see
where you can take this concept in relation to diabetes.

There are so many loaded things in the end.  A dead sister, an accident,
your mother concerned with having a pregnant daughter, etc.  You say a
lot without giving a lot of info.  There is almost another essay in
this!  *smile*

What about incorporating the stuff in the end throughout the piece, or
at least explaining some of the info.

In the beginning, your mom seems helpful and caring, but by the end, she
appears to be the opposite.  Ease us into the transition.  We need
something that allows us to understand this switch.

You have so much emotion in this.  I completely identify with this as I
have been diabetic since I was four.

For an exercise, this has a lot of potential.

Bridgit

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