[stylist] Revised: The Christmas Bazaar Monologue

Thu Dec 22 22:16:37 UTC 2011

Barbara,
That's how I must have thought when I wrote it a few years back. When I read
through it normally, I didn't even pick up on it, but in retrospect, when I
used the Find dialog to hunt them all down, there were quite a few for such
a little piece. I decided to leave only two or three, and they were the ones
that I thought had the most to do with the point of the story. Now I'm all
impressed with myself for applying that kind of thinking to punctuation
marks. *smirk* 

At least I never use more than one at a time *grin*

Donna

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Barbara Hammel
Sent: Thursday, December 22, 2011 3:51 PM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] Revised: The Christmas Bazaar Monologue

Being a purely auditory reader--I don't hook my Braille display to the 
computer--I didn't notice the exclamation points.  My thought on those might

be that that's just the way the speaker speaks.  Maybe if she was a 
character in a longer story, she'd be the character who was very animated. 
Kind of like how Anne Shirley loved to stress her words or how Rachel Lynde 
had lots of exclamation points because she was very dramatic.  (Those two 
are from the Anne of Green Gables series.)
Barbara

Let every nation know whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay 
any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose 
any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty.--John 
F. Kennedy
-----Original Message----- 
From: Donna Hill
Sent: Thursday, December 22, 2011 9:18 AM
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] Revised: The Christmas Bazaar Monologue

Hi Chris,
Thanks for the feedback and encouragement. All of my lists are slow, so  I
think that's the issue. I didn't want to wait till after the holidays simply
because I thought the story might have more appeal during the season.

I'll have to go looking for the exclamation points. This was originally
written several years ago and I suppose I thought being in the first person
that the normal cautions about them didn't apply so much. As for the end
being abrupt, I had chopped off the last paragraph because you and others
thought that it should end closer to the  "aha" moment. I've definitely
struggled with it. I almost ended it even sooner, but kept being drawn back
to the paragraph I ended with in this version. I'm liking your idea about an
aside to the reader to signal the end.
Donna

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Chris Kuell
Sent: Thursday, December 22, 2011 9:58 AM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] Revised: The Christmas Bazaar Monologue

Hey Donna,

I like the changes you've made to this piece. I'm not sure why you aren't
getting more commentary, but perhaps people are caught up in pre-holiday
festivities, and this isn't particularly a good week for feedback. I do have

2 additional comments myself. Firstly, as Elmore Leonard wrote once--easy on

the exclamation points! To me, they lose their punch when used often, and
they are also the sign of a writer who isn't sure her writing is good enough

so she uses them to prop up excitement. Your writing is plenty good enough,
and IMO, you don't need but one or two exclamation points. Secondly, the
ending is fairly abrupt. To me, the monologue just kind of stopped.
Unfortunately, I don't really have a suggestion for a fix. Perhaps you
should see what others have to say. But you might consider adding another
comment to her granddaughter, or to her friend--Can I pour you more
coffee? - as a way of signaling the end.

Nice work, and I'm looking forward to reading more of your writing next
year.

chris

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