[stylist] bridgit hoodlum story question

[James H. "Jim" Canaday M.A. N6YR]

Bridgit,
I did have a question for you.  here's what I think of as the climax 
of this story.  how did I do on cadence, pacing, word structure, in 
this paragraph?

"Stop!  You damned hoodlum!"  Joab St. Brendan said reprimanding 
Sean.  But as he heard himself shout this, he heard it shouted in his 
own face twenty-six years before with a stab in his heart.  Back then 
some Knob Hill dandy shouted "Stop!  You damned hoodlum!" looking 
down his nose at a smudge faced street tough named Joey 
Brandon.  Joey Brandon now in his Hoskins Plaza suite remembered and 
took a deep breath.


thanks
jc