[stylist] fiction

[Cheryl Orgas & William Meeker]

Ending the story with the two girls hand-in-hand, the reference to new love,
and the possibly suggestive name of the bar "Chicken Bones" makes me think
it could be a lesbian/gay/biker bar.  And the bartender's questionable
gender piques my interest.  This story introduces a variety of
non-traditional life-styles.  Could there be another dimension to this
story?

Bill Meeker



-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
Behalf Of Bridgit Pollpeter
Sent: Saturday, January 15, 2011 11:10 PM
To: stylist at nfbnet.org
Subject: [stylist] fiction

In the first paragraph, he describes the unlady-like-squatting.  I agree
that the narrator sounds more masculine, but we are given their gender in
the beginning with that description.

I would like more characterization to make this character more believable,
but we are aware of her gender up front.

Message: 21
Date: Sat, 15 Jan 2011 10:14:34 -0600
From: "Robert Leslie Newman" <newmanrl at cox.net>
To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [stylist] fiction
Message-ID: <000f01cbb4cf$4c9e3de0$e5dab9a0$@cox.net>
Content-Type: text/plain;	charset="us-ascii"

I too enjoyed the story. And as was suggested, a little bit more info at a
few key points would be nice- I really didn't know the first character being
presented was a woman until a ways in (you'd think the reference to the
squatting thing would have been the point that tripped my thoughts to
female, but I really thought it was a guy doing that thinking, and sure
maybe being a little sexist in his description. 

(Those little add-in references of smell or sound that an author can use,
sure can add to the feel of a story.)



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