[stylist] Synopsis assistance

[Bridgit Pollpeter]

Anita,

First, we should not assume children are dumb.  Often, adults attribute
certain things to children, and we don't give them credit for having
brains too.  What is the demographic for this story?  Six to eight?  Ten
to twelve?  This will make a difference too.

Second, if you are writing for the publisher, that is your reading
audience so adjust accordingly for this reader.

***I have made suggestions in parentheses within your text***

It's more than just (maybe delete "just") brotherly love that motivates
("motivating" instead of "that motivates") Cody Dallas to protect and
defend (maybe use one, not both "protect" and "defend") his twin
brother. In Cody's mind, the accident that left (leaves) Joey blind
wouldn't have occurred if it weren't for Cody's selfish actions. His
duty is to suffer any consequences this horrible situation presents, and
most of all, to do whatever it takes to keep his brother safe. As a
result (result of what?), Cody must devise a plan that will keep the
blind stranger who shows up at their house demanding Joey go to a
special camp for blind kids from dragging Joey away. (Previous sentence
is long and the meaning is a little foggy, maybe try:  When a stranger
who is blind shows up demanding Joey join a camp for blind children,
Cody devises a plan to save his brother.) The adults in Cody's life keep
telling him that the camp is just what Joey needs to live a happy and
healthy life. But, Cody's fears and wrong beliefs about the abilities of
the blind (comma) combined with his guilt (comma) are too strong for him
to ignore (not sure how this sentence connects with previous).

What I take from this synopsis is that Cody did something to cause his
brother to lose his sight.  Cody feels gulity and thinks Joey is in more
danger now because of his blindness.  A stranger wants Joey to go to a
camp, but Cody believes this stranger means harm.  I think the last
sentence is meant to show that the stranger wants to teach Joey
alternative skills and stuff, but Cody's wrong perceptions don't
understand this.  Right?

I think you need to clear some of this up a bit, and stay in an active
voice.  It is good, and the story sounds interesting.  Just clean it up
and be as concise as possible.

Bridgit