[stylist] Song Lyric: You Are the Air

Fri May 20 15:22:12 UTC 2011

Kerry,
No, I don't want credit. Point well taken about collaboration these days,
but on the other hand, my husband has contributed more than that to a song
here and there, and he doesn't get credit for that.

Donna

-----Original Message-----
From: Kerry Thompson [mailto:kethompson1964 at gmail.com] 
Sent: Friday, May 20, 2011 12:28 AM
To: Donna Hill
Cc: cosmoscat at earthlink.net; 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] Song Lyric: You Are the Air

Hi Donna,

The refrain is fine. In fact, I'm rather proud of it. The verses are 
what give me trouble and don't seem to come up to the standard set by 
the refrain. That first verse or stanza particularly. What I've shown 
you guys is the third attempt at that dratted first verse. And, you're 
right, "clinging to me" is not ideal. It is, however, better than the 
alternatives, which tells you a lot about how abysmal they were.

"Feel so frantic" *is* an exact rhyme, and it doesn't change the meaning 
appreciably. Thank you.. I'll put it in. Do you want credit? I'm 
serious. People have gotten their names on songs for less.

You're right that the rhyme between "nowhere" and "air" is the most 
important rhyme. Not a full measure, but, yes, a sustained note. Also, 
the word "air" usually falls on the highest pitch of the phrase, so that 
helps to emphasize it.

I was overly zealous in offering Brad the MIDI file. The melody is all 
there, but the note durations need to be tidied up. So, you guys can't 
hear it for a while.

Kerry

On 5/19/2011 5:59 PM, Donna Hill wrote:
> Hi Kerry,
> Here's a thought. I don't know what about the refrain troubles you, but
you
> could make a truer rhyme in this without changing the meaning much:
> Block quote
> Whenever you're near
> I can't be romantic.
> But if you aren't here
> I just seem to panic
> Block quote end
>
> How about changing "seem to panic" to "feel so frantic" or something like
> that?
>
> Also, I am a bit troubled by the use of the word "clinging." Not that it
> isn't accurate, but it seems to shift the focus of the lyric from your
> feelings to the other person's need. Maybe I just have a hair-trigger
about
> anything having to do with clinging. *grin*
>
> One thing I really like in this refrain is something that the casual
reader
> and non musician might not pick up -- the opportunity for a melodic
emphasis
> on the rhyme between "nowhere" and "air." I hear it with "air" being a
> sustained note (a full measure).
> Block quote
> Without you I'm nothing, I'm nowhere,
> 'Cause you, you are the air
> I breathe.
> Block quote end
>
> Donna
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org  [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
> Behalf Of Kerry Thompson
> Sent: Wednesday, May 18, 2011 6:33 PM
> To:stylist at nfbnet.org
> Subject: [stylist] Song Lyric: You Are the Air
>
> Hi friends,
>
> This lyric is giving me trouble. The refrain is good and the bridge is
> OK. But the verses don't seem up to the level of the refrain. Any
> suggestions would be welcome.
>
> You Are the Air
>
> I'm not much for talk,
> Words always confuse me.
> I'd much rather walk
> With you clinging to me
> And muse over sunsets and moonrise
> And how they compare to your eyes.
>
> You are the air that I breathe,
> The sunshine that warms my face,
> The starlight that guides my way.
> Without you I'm nothing, I'm nowhere,
> 'Cause you, you are the air I breathe.
>
> Whenever you're near
> I can't be romantic.
> But if you aren't here
> I just seem to panic
> Until you come back and I hold you
> And even though I've never told you,
>
> You are the air that I breathe,
> The sunshine that warms my face,
> The starlight that guides my way.
> Without you I'm nothing, I'm nowhere,
> 'Cause you, you are the air I breathe.
>
> And living with you, life's a song.
> Yes, days can be hard, nights are long.
> But looking at you, I recall
> My reasons to think life's a ball
> You are them all.
>
> You are the air that I breathe,
> The sunshine that warms my face,
> The starlight that guides my way.
> Without you I'm nothing, I'm nowhere,
> 'Cause you, you are the air I breathe.
>
> You are the air that I breathe,
> You are the miracle of love to me.
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> Writers Division web site:
> http://www.nfb-writers-division.org
<http://www.nfb-writers-division.org/>
>
> stylist mailing list
> stylist at nfbnet.org
> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/stylist_nfbnet.org
> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> stylist:
>
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/stylist_nfbnet.org/penatwork%40epix.ne
> t
>
>
>
>
> =======
> Email scanned by PC Tools - No viruses or spyware found.
> (Email Guard: 7.0.0.21, Virus/Spyware Database: 6.17550)
> http://www.pctools.com/
> =======
>
>
>
>
>
> =======
> Email scanned by PC Tools - No viruses or spyware found.
> (Email Guard: 7.0.0.21, Virus/Spyware Database: 6.17550)
> http://www.pctools.com/
> =======
>

=======
Email scanned by PC Tools - No viruses or spyware found.
(Email Guard: 7.0.0.21, Virus/Spyware Database: 6.17550)
http://www.pctools.com/
=======