[stylist] Writing exercise

[Homme, James]

Hi Brad,
This is great stuff. I also think we see ourselves in our reactions to those who are helping us.

Jim

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Brad Dunse'
Sent: Tuesday, September 20, 2011 10:13 AM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: [stylist] Writing exercise

Just some thoghts as an exercise in writing, editing, re-writing, etc....

Walking Mirrors
By Brad Dunse

Over twenty years ago I was diagnosed with
Retinitis Pigmentosa. From that day forward life
has been an incredible journey of personal
heartbreak, discovery, growth, joy, success, and
a host of life learning experiences.

One such continual lesson is the journey of
personal behavior in reaction to events
surrounding us and the conduct of others. How and
why people, specifically me, react the way we do in certain life situations.

Particular to this writing is my reaction to the
varying affects we have as blind individuals on
the garden variety sighted human. Why the varied
responses to our personal exchange with them out
on the street, in the workplace, or grocery store?

What compels one person to physically grab your
white cane, attempting to pull it in the
direction they'd like you to go, while yet
another will carry on a walking conversation
without concern a cane is even present?

Why is it one person will awkwardly try to help,
leaving you witness to their spilled purses,
dropped grocery bags, or crashed shopping carts
as pseudo-heroics cause them to trip for the door
prior to your reaching for it, while another
honestly addresses the elephant in the room
admitting they've never encountered a blind
person before so if help is needed they'll just rely on you to say so.

Why is it one waitress will ask your dinner-mate
what it is you want off the menu as if you were
an incapable toddler, while another will simply
pull a pencil from behind the ear, flip a page
back off the notepad, poke the pencil down on the
paper, look at you and say "OK Hun, what can I get you".

When I first came to learning about blindness,
having much usable vision myself and carrying a
sighted person's  perspective, I may not have
known or even thought of how I might handle
myself in the company of a blind individual, but
without question I'd treat them with dignity and
respect   the same manner I try to treat anyone.

In that same time frame I observed tirades from
blind individuals as a result of their frustrated
reaction to stereotypes and assumptions from
people they met on the streets treating them like helpless dotes.

I remember one incident involving a blind lady I
knew who was getting on a city bus. A fellow
passenger offered to help her. And in this
particular case the individual trying to help was
really not that far out of line in my opinion,
more chivalrous than patronizing. . Nonetheless
the blind woman's demeanor horrifically snapped
in front of the entire busload of people, really
letting the well intentioned passenger have it
good.  That scene was indelibly etched in my mind
and caused me a considerable amount of
consternation. Though I was disappointed by the
reaction of this woman positioned as mentor, I
was not judgmental of her, I was simply trying to
understand her response to a well-meaning person.

Of course over time I learned more about mobility
skills and encountering  sighted folks who
reacted out of ignorance. Often times these
encounters take on  a belittling atmosphere of
social helplessness, gaining intensity as well as
audience  the more it  is allowed to continue. I
began to understand how shear repetition of
having to deal with it could become quite annoying.

The woman on the bus whose temper exploded at the
well-meaning passenger reminded me of the very
first time I got on an email discussion list as a
new information highway passenger. My very first
mass internet communication and I was excited to
be trying this new medium out, it was going to be awesome.

Not long after subscribing, a net acquaintance of
mine forwarded me one of those virus warnings.
You know one of the hoaxes out there  which some
folks are driven to pass along... just in case?
Well? Knowing no better I passed it straight up
to the email list like a good helpful,
responsible and yes ignorant person might do.
Within minutes I was berated in front of the
entire list, pretty badly I might add.

I was quite angry, upset and even hurt. I was
only trying to help, just trying to be a
responsible person because seeing someone fall
prey to this so called virus when I could avoid it was not pleasurable.

My first reaction was to assume "Geez! People on
these email lists are rude, angry and just not
very nice people at all. If that's the way they
are going to be, I'll let them to their own
misery!" Of course over time and many discussion
memberships later, I learned how often  virus
forwards occurred and how it took up people's
valuable time. Such posts  become repetitious
aggravations, which this person happened to have
had just one too many such posts with mine.

After the fact, like the person sending the nasty
email, I understood the reason for the fellow
blind person's over reaction on the bus. Still, I
vowed I did not want to give that first
impression to someone trying to help. Even if
their help was out of ignorance just like I was
with my virus warning. Even if  it was out of a
needless sense of pity or inappropriate sense of
superiority, I did not want to just hand over my
emotional control to someone by hyper-reacting to
their behavior. Neither did I want to make them
feel as I had   with my well-meaning yet ignorant post to the discussion list.

I then began to question and discover why this
happens. Why the differing reactions like the
ones mentioned earlier?  Maybe I'm wrong, maybe
it is uniquely limited to my experience, or
perhaps living these years as a blind person has
yet to teach me more in this area. Or in fact
maybe it is merely a perspective that isn't an
absolute but a generalization which serves my
purpose for my own outcomes and education of dealing with such sighted folks.

At any rate  I've come to believe that to others
we are not blind people at all. They really do
not see "us" as blind people. What they do see is
"themselves" as a blind person in our encounter
with them. What do I mean? The reason they react
as they do is sort of a dual mirror. They see a
blind person across the street happily tapping
along a sidewalk for instance. What they also see
ten feet directly in front is the stone planter
smack dab in the middle of the sidewalk. However,
what they really see is themselves as the blind
person based on their own lack of experiential
reference and knowledge. They know without a
doubt if they were that blind person, there would
be one heck of a bloody crash. To avoid their
feeling this way, they holler across traffic
"Watch out for the planter in front of you!" As
if you were to inherently know they are talking
to you in the first place. You see they don't see
"us", but they see "themselves" as the blind person in our shoes.

The second mirror is this. Remember the person
who grabbed your white cane to direct you while
in a walking conversation? Conversely do you
remember the person in the same situation that
didn't give your blindness a second thought?
Think about those two people for a minute. Was
the one grabbing for the cane a weak type of
person who is a bit insecure? A bit unsure in
life? One who   is themselves dependent  ? A
person a bit undecided in life?  A soul ambling
through life directed by situations surrounding them?

Or perhaps the opposite side of the same coin,
someone with a know-it-all facade? Someone with a
quiet or bold  attitude of superiority?
One  appearing to be strong by always being
right? Someone over the top in bold dominancy?
These types  are likely over compensating for
those same insecurities as those outwardly
appearing weak, just in a quite different way.

What then about the person who carried on
oblivious to the cane and its  meaning as they
continued walking and talking with you? What can
we say about them? Were they a solid silent type?
Someone fairly sure of themselves? A competent
person? A risk taker perhaps? Someone who enjoys
a challenge? Perhaps themselves balanced in
independency? A methodically confident person? My
guess is they probably are some combination of these traits.

Respective to the above types, the same can be
said for the one tripping over themselves to open
a door, and the opposing one who exposed the
apparent elephant in the room. Also the same for
the waiter or waitress that asked your
dinner-mate what you want for dinner or to drink,
compared to the pencil wielding waitress with the no nonsense attitude.

So what is the usefulness  in knowing this? For
me at least, it is tremendously helpful to
understand another person while in conversation
or doing daily business. I am forever reading
other people, unfortunately forgetting their name
two seconds after we meet because I'd been
reading what they are really about the whole
while.  But for me to understand who they are and
why they do what they do is tantamount to helping
me react in a way that will empower or positively
enable me to utilize the encounter to my
emotional or future advantage. Even if it serves
the purpose I won't lose control, fly off the
handle in the moment, or get sarcastic or terse
with them, even if it simply keeps me on top of
the conversation or situation, because I know
when I get out of control, invariably fear is present someplace.

I really have nothing to fear encountering any
type of insecure sighted person as a blind
individual, and can remain  in control through my
own security. As a result I am free to treat
them  in a more constructive manner.

So you see we are really just walking mirrors
which when other's see us, they see themselves
based on their own security or insecurity in
life, and in the process enables us to  see their
reflection of themselves with the advantage of
handling the situation to our emotional gain. We
decide for ourselves who really needs the pity or
help in the situation and conduct ourselves
accordingly. It really is a humorous trick on our
part, but since they've initiated it with their
response to our presence, why not finish it using
it to our gain, and truthfully the good of all.

(c)2011 Brad Dunse




Brad Dunse

"Write like you mean it and sing like nobody's watching" --Ben Wakeman

http://www.braddunsemusic.com

http://www.facebook.com/braddunse

http://www.twitter.com/braddunse


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