[stylist] Yet more stuff on releases

[Bridgit Pollpeter]

Here is another chapter from Wordsmithing that may be helpful with
releases. I also am attaching the chapter from my previous post since I
forgot to actually attach it! LOL

CHAPTER EIGHT
A STEP-BY-STEP TEMPLATE FOR CONSTRUCTING A RELEASE, FROM THE LEAD TO
CLEARANCES AND DISTRIBUTION
Now that you have learned about the basic forms, let's review the
construction of a release step-by-step using the Fwsh and the Five Ws.
This is a basic format and can be used as a template for any release at
any time. First, collect the facts on which the story will be built.
THE FACTS
Gordon Moore, the co-founder of Intel, and his wife Betty, are
establishing a new philanthropic foundation out of their personal
fortune. Moore will fund the venture by contributing to it some of his
personal stock-enough to put it in the multi-billion-dollar range and
make it one of the ten largest philanthropic foundations in the country.
Moore wants the Foundation to focus on collegiate level education,
scientific research and the environment.
He intends for the Foundation to use a relatively unorthodox approach to
grant-making. It will take the initiative and seek out projects to
support, rather than waiting for proposals to be made to it and will
look for opportunities that may be a bit riskier than those funded by
more conventional sources, such as government entities, but which offer
the possibilities of higher returns in a shorter time span. He wants to
support projects that can make a substantial contribution to the quality
of life and health of the planet.
Lewis W. Coleman, a respected and experienced international financial
executive, will head the new Foundation. Though he has no experience as
a foundation executive, Coleman has a reputation as a creative thinker
with a record of personal involvement in environmental and educational
matters. He has over 30 years experience as chairman of a major
international securities and in vestment banking company and as a vice
chairman of two major international banks. He holds a degree in
economics from Stanford and serves on various corporate boards, as well
as on the boards of a number of not-for-profit organizations, such as
Trout Unlimited.
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Coleman expects the first year of operations to be de voted largely to
start-up activities, such as assembling a staff and getting it
organized, deciding on grant criteria and making the Foundation's agenda
known.
Moore was waiting to find the right person to build and run the
Foundation, before proceeding with its formation. Coleman is that man,
Moore says. Coleman sees a remarkable opportunity and challenge in
building the Foundation and is very excited about its potential.
Those are the facts.
THE FWSH
What is the Fwsh for this announcement?
Assuming the Foundation is the client, these are the most likely answers
the Fwsh exercise would reveal.
^hat Do You Want to Achieve with This Release? (Objective)
The initial release should be to gain wide visibility for the
Foundation, introducing it as an important new participant in the
foundation world. It should highlight its innovative agenda and approach
to finding and developing opportunities that can benefit society.
Whom Do You Need to Reach? (Targets)
Clearly you want to reach all those individuals and organizations
working in the fields of higher education, scientific research and the
environment, as they may have projects or ideas that can advance the
Foundation's goal of "making a substantial contribution to the quality
of life and the health of the plane". While these are the primary tar
gets, you'll also need to consider secondary audiences, such as: other
foundations, governmental research agencies and various government
commissions and committees, leading academics in the Foundation's fields
of concentration, potential employees, business and industry leaders and
finally, the general public, to whom the benefits of all this money and
activity will finally accrue.
What Do They Need to Know? (Messages)
They need to know the new organization is seeking to support projects
that can make a substantial difference in the quality of life and the
health of the planet, is willing to take risks to help make valuable
things happen, and has the resources to achieve major breakthroughs.
Where Do You Post the Story to Get the Attention You Want?
(Distribution)
The story will be filed to all key national and international print and
broadcast news media, with particular emphasis on business, technology,
education, scientific research, and environmental writers and
commentators. Commercial wire services (Business Wire, PR Newswire and
others) will be used to
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move the story rapidly. Simultaneously with release to the commercial
wire services, the story will be moved to key writers and commentators
by e-mail, FAAX and with direct delivery as appropriate. Then it will be
cross filed to the key media in each specific area of interest (higher
education, scientific research, the environment) and to the foundation
"trades"-^the publications, nevsletters, Web services and e-zines read
by foundation professionals. In addition, messenger copies of the
release with a "we thought you might be interested" note will go to the
members of the various U.S. House and Senate committees involved with
education, scientific research and the environment, and to the heads of
the government agencies involved in these fields. A similar file will be
made to selected academics at major universities and to the directors of
major research institutions. Finally, the release will be posted on the
Foundation's Web site.
When Do You Make Your Move? (Timing)
The announcement will be made at the time of day most likely to ensure
good print and broadcast media play. That means it must be sent early
enough that newspapers have time to work the story fully, yet not so
early as to make the story old news for drive-time radio and early
evening telecasts. Good play in magazines and periodicals is also
desired, so the story will move late enough in the week that it still
has news value for those outlets. All things considered, an 11:45 a.m.
release on Wednesday seems the right choice.
How Will You Package the Story (Form)?
The announcement will be packaged as a straight news release, relying on
the multi-billion-dollar size of the Foundation, its unique and
aggressive approach, its "improve things for all of us" objective, and
the name recognition and reputation of Dr. Moore. That's the Fwsh.
THE FIVE Ws
The Five Ws and H are:
. What-a new multi-billion-dollar charitable foundation
. Who-Gordon Moore, Intel Co-Founder and respected international
business leader
. Why-to make possible projects that have the potential to significantly
improve the quality of life for people everywhere and contribute to the
health of the planet
. When-being organized now and will begin operations early next year
. Where-headquartered in San Francisco, but operating worldwide
. How-remember that "how" is included if it's important to the story,
which it is in this case. The "How" is by finding and funding projects
that can have significant results.
WRITING THE STORY STEP-BY-STEP
With the Fwsh and the Five Ws completed and the inverted pyramid style
in mind, it's time to put it all together.
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The Lead
The lead carries the Five Ws.
San Francisco, Nov. 15-Intel Co-Founder Gordon E. Moore and his wife
Betty have established a new multi-billion-dollar family foundation to
focus on education, scientific research and the environment. The Gordon
E. and Betty I. Moore Foundation will be headquartered in San Francisco,
will function worldwide, and will begin operations early next year.
If news outlets use nothing more than the lead, the essential
information will be communicated broadly to the public. Even if the
reader goes no further than the first paragraph, the essential
information has been successfully delivered.
The Second Paragraph
Using the inverted pyramid style, the rest of the necessary information
is no w presented in descending order of importance.
The first paragraph is the lead. The second paragraph announces the man
selected to build and lead the new Foundation. This is followed by an
elaboration on the "what" and "why" of the Foundation. This is an
opportunity to differentiate it from others of its type by focusing on
what it expects to achieve and the potential benefits of those efforts.
Lewis W. Coleman will leave his post as chairman of BankAmerica
Securities to become President of the new Foundation.
Coleman said the Foundation will bring a "venture investment" philosophy
to its grant-making. "We want to find good opportunities, which, though
they may be a bit riskier, offer the possibilities of higher returns."
He said, in general, these will be projects not ordinarily funded by
conventional sources, such as government agencies. "We will look f or
those projects that can really make a substantial contribution to the
quality of life and the health of the planet."
Remaining Paragraphs
Coleman's credentials are established in the next two paragraphs,
underscoring his ability to create and manage this unconventional
"venture investment" approach, as well as his experience with
educational and environmental matters.
Coleman brings to the position a reputation as an outside-the-box
thinker with a record of personal involvement in environmental and
educational matters and more than 30 years of experience as a successful
executive. In addition to heading BankAmerica Securities, one of the
country's leading investment-banking firms, he served as vice-chairman
and chief financial officer of Bank of America, director of its World
Banking Group, and chairman of the Credit Policy Committee of Wells
Fargo Bank. He holds a degree in economics from Stanford University and
serves on a number of boards.
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The next paragraph is intended to attract potential high-caliber
employees to the exciting and rewarding jobs the Foundation will offer.
It also helps further differentiate the Foundation in its intent to be
aggressive in seeking worthy projects.
Coleman said staffing is already underway. "We hope to assemble a
diverse group of thoughtful people who are passionate about making a
difference. We want them out scouring the world for the best
projects-not waiting for grant-seekers to come to us, but going out and
finding what we ought to be supporting."
The next two paragraphs carry quotes from Coleman and Moore that further
underscore the philosophy of the Foundation and Coleman's credentials.
The "final word" lets readers know what to expect during the first year
of operations and advises that active consideration of grants won't
begin immediately.
"Gordon and Betty Moor e have made an extremely generous gift to the
world. We hope and expect that we can use this gift to make a difference
on matters of fundamental importance to us all. I am very pleased to
have been asked to head the Foundation and very excited about its
potential," Coleman said.
Gordon Moore said, "The key to establishing the Foundation was finding
the right person to build and run it. Lew brings the energy and
excitement needed, along with outstanding executive credentials and
passion for our areas of interest. Betty and I are thrilled that he is
willing to take on this challenge."
Coleman anticipates the first year of operations to be largely occupied
with organizing staff, setting grant request and reviewing procedures
and becoming visible to people with the ideas and projects that should
be brought to the Foundation's attention. Grants will be made as rapidly
as qualifying projects are approved.
The Boilerplate
Almost all releases close with what is called "boilerplate," a paragraph
containing the basic facts about the organization. It is included as a
service to editors and reporters to save them time in looking up the
particulars. And that's it:
. two typewritten pages
. straight declarative sentences
^ tight quotes used to illustrate or elaborate on statements of fact
^ very limited use of superlatives (e.g., "extremely generous gift,"
"outstanding executive credentials")
. superlatives used only inside quotes, so it is clear they are the
opinion of the speaker and not a general claim
. claims supported by facts
. no overstatements (overstatement kills credibility)
There is a strategy behind every sentence in the release. Nothing in it
is gratuitous. This is a story that is intended to make something
happen.
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CLEARANCES
The next step in constructing a release is clearance.
Before any release moves publicly, it is necessary that the facts
contained in it be vetted by the subject matter experts who provided
them, and that the quotes be approved by the person(s) to whom they are
attributed. In addition, depending upon the subject matter , the story
might also require re view and approval by the organization's attorneys.
The usual process involves providing a copy of the release in final
draft form to the relevant parties, with a cover note asking for their
comments. Two problems present themselves here. One is time. The other
is the "everybody-is-a-writer" mentality.
If a release is ready to go, it should be moved as quickly as possible,
which means that the people who have been given the release for comment
need to respond almost immediately . Make that point clear in the cover
note attached to the release. Use wording such as, "We plan to move this
release at 10 a.m. tomorrow morning. Consequently, we need your comments
or corrections back by the end of the day today. If we haven't heard
from you by that time, we'll assume we have your okay. Thanks in advance
for your cooperation." This usually does the trick.
The "everybody -is-a-writer" phenomenon poses a more difficult
challenge. Man    y people in the review chain will consider themselves
to be writers and can't resist the urge to "improve" the copy. The odds
the copy will actually be improved in this way range from low to zero,
but considerable time can be wasted trying to negotiate phrasing. If the
ideas are indeed better, use them. If not, adopt the attorney's gambit
of saying "comments noted" and put out the release as written.
DISTRIBUTION
The release, having been given a final proof-reading and cleared and
vetted by all the necessary parties, is ready for distribution.
One of the fastest and most efficient methods of getting a release to
the news media serving key constituent groups is through the use of
commercial wire services such as Business Wire and PR Newswire
(www.businesswire.com and www .prnewswire.com). These organizations
transmit releases electronically to major U.S. daily newspapers and
radio and television newsrooms, as well as to the traditional newswire
services, such as Associated Press, Dow-Jones, Bloomberg, Reuters and
others.
In addition, these services have special circuits that cover media in
specific geographic areas in this country and abroad, or particular
areas of interest, such as the professional financial community or the
high-tech or environmental communities. Lists can be tailored to reach
almost any configuration of media almost anywhere. Internet distribution
services provide similar access to Internet news outlets, blogs,
Internet newsletters and special interest outlets.
Commercial wire services are fee-based operations. Typically, the user
pays a small membership fee and then pays for each release sent by the
agency. The fee is usually determined by the length of the story and the
targeted circuit (e.g., full national coverage, San Francisco Bay Area,
etc.)
Not all releases are candidates for commercial newswires. The service is
most appropriately used by public companies when wide circulation and
immediate attention to major breaking news is sought, or as a way to
meet disclosure requirements. Some news organizations track these wire
services only for the names of major and/or local companies the y
regularly follow and ignore all else. Some look only at
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datelines to determine if the story is local in the sense that it is
about an organization in the publication's coverage area. Headlines,
therefore, are enormously important. Be very thoughtful before
committing your story to one of these newswires and almost never, unless
you are a Fortune 500 company (and rarely then), use this method of
distribution as your sole method. If you do file your release on
Business Wire or PR Newswire, a good practice is to email or call the
reporters you think might be interested and alert them to your story.
If the story is important enough, all available methods of distribution
should be used:
. commercial newswires and Internet services
. e-mail copies to key editors and writers by name (don't use FAXes to
editors and writers-their FAX boxes are too full, the cop y is
inconvenient to work with, and in general, FAXes aren't checked
regularly)
^ e-mail or FAX copies to key constituents by name (do both to cover
your bases, as your key constituents should be among the first to know)
. hand-delivered copies by messenger to key media contacts or key
constituents as appropriate
^ regular mail in cases where time isn't a factor and you want to be
sure a hard copy of the release is on record with the recipient
In all instances, tailor the distribution to cover the constituents who
are the targets of the exercise. A SHORT RECAP
At this point, the basic types of releases, the uses for which they are
intended and the standard format for each have been covered-including a
generic template for writing a release. The only thing not yet covered
is how to phrase the story-which, in the final analysis, is the actual
writing. This is where you, as a writer, can really make an impact. It
is your articulation of the facts as you understand them in the context
of the results you are trying to achieve that gives the story the
energy, importance and flair that makes it something worth reading. It
is your singular view of the matter that draws and holds the reader.
Learning to do this, as has been noted, is accomplished mostly by
doing-by studying how others do it and by trying to emulate best
practice, and by working at your writing until it becomes sharp and
telling.
The following guidelines, while covered previously, are worth repeating.
They will be important to your final product.
. Pay attention to grammar, spelling and punctuation. Errors in any of
these are unforgivable. If a writer can't get grammar, spelling or
punctuation right, why should anyone expect that he portrayed the facts
correctly? People who make such errors are either sloppy or lazy.
Consequently, they have short-lived careers.
. Keep the writing simple. Say what you have to say as directly as you
can.
. For news leads, try to work each of the Five Ws into the first
sentence of the story and make that sentence the lead paragraph. If you
can't manage to include all five, highlight the most important or most
interesting and use it to fashion an attention-getting lead sentence.
Incorporate the remaining key facts in a second sentence and make the
lead a two-sentence paragraph.
57
. Use plain language and, for the most part, straight declarative
sentences.
. Write tight. Keep the story as concise as you can. Take all the time
and space needed to get the story told properly, but no more than that.
. Even if you are inordinately impressed with the subject, be careful of
superlatives. Overstatement breeds disbelief. Flattering adjectives
invite suspicion. If you must, use them in quotes attributable to
someone referenced in the story. This makes them somewhat more
acceptable.
. Make sure you understand what you are trying to explain to others.
^ Question and examine and verify until you are satisfied that your
writing is accurate and true. The two are not the same. Understand the
difference.
. Do your best to make a valid story out of the subject at hand. If
there is no story, say so.
. Be a believer. If you can't work up interest and enthusiasm for your
subject, you won't be able to evoke those feelings from anyone else
either.
INTERACTIVE EXERCISES CHAPTER 8
A Step-by-Step Template for Constructing a Release
Exercise One
You are the communications representative for Fair Oaks School District
of Menifee County, Ohio. The district has just completed arrangements to
introduce a new science instruction program at the elementary level that
relies exclusively on local retired engineers and scientists who
volunteer their time to teach. The volunteer program is part of a
nationwide program called Science Rules, sponsored by the Industrial
Scientists Association (ISA) in cooperation with local school boards.
Science Rules programs are currently underway in 20 states. The
objective of the program is to strengthen the science education
offerings of local grade schools where budgets are strapped and
qualified science teachers either overworked or unavailable. The end
result sought by the program is new interest on the part of pre-teens in
science and an increase in the number of students who chose science as a
career. The benefits to business and industry and to the nation overall
are considered enormous, as it will yield a larger, more competitive
pool of engineering students. This is an important effort as America
contends with Europe and Asia for leadership in science and technology.
Getting kids interested in science and technology at an early age and
keeping them motivated to learn and grow in the various disciplines from
grade school through graduate school is vital. The Science Rules program
is a key resource in helping achieve this goal. Menifee County will be
the first county in the state to adopt the program.
The program will begin with special classes in computer technology being
offered to sixth grade students once a week for eight weeks in schools
in Jasper, Higgins, Fair Oaks and Lyle Creek. Six local retired
engineers have been recruited to teach the classes and have completed an
intense two-week ISA course on teaching science at the grade school
level. Three of the engineers spent the majority of their careers with
high-tech firms and three were specialists in computer applications for
industry. There is no charge for their services, though travel expenses
(i.e., mileage) are to be reimbursed by the school district. In
addition, the district will cover the cost for instructional materials,
Internet charges, audio-visual materials, etc.
You are to draft the announcement release. You will need quotes to
enrich and expand the story. You may quote Vernon Riggs, superintendent
of the Fair Oaks School Board; Jim Asper, president of ISA; Mary
Mackson,
58 I
principal of the Lyle Creek School, and/or Oscar Zampa, retired
Microsoft hardware engineer and one of the volunteer teachers. You need
not quote them all. Choose whom to quote and develop statements for them
that best advance the objective of the story.
A. Develop the Fwsh for this story.
B. Using the structure in this chapter, write your release.
Exercise Two
A. The Moore Foundation release in this chapter begins with the name of
the well-known man who is establishing the Foundation. The purpose of
the Foundation just as easily could have been the focus. Which approach
is stronger? In other words, which has more news value as a lead and is
more likely to attract the reader?
B. Write the lead with the Foundation, not the founder, as the key
focus.
Use the CD-ROM to check your work against our suggestions.

Sincerely,
Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter
Read my blog at:
http://blogs.livewellnebraska.com/author/bpollpeter/
 
"History is not what happened; history is what was written down."
The Expected One- Kathleen McGowan
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