[stylist] Inspiration of wonder

[Barbara Hammel]

It's my own preference, I suppose, but what bothered me was the difference 
between the line lengths.  Some were very short and some were very long. 
Particularly the long ones seemed rambling, but the short ones seemed 
choppy.  I'm not saying even lengthed lines would be perfect but maybe the 
syllable count could be a bit closer?  Again, that's just my preference.
The poem itself is beautiful.  I love your writing.
Barbara




Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance. -- Carl Sandburg
-----Original Message----- 
From: Jacobson, Shawn D
Sent: Monday, August 20, 2012 12:46 PM
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: [stylist] Inspiration of wonder

Dear writer's division

When last I Emailed, I had just sent a poem, Reunion 100, to Asimov's 
Science Fiction magazine.  After lengthy deliberation, 8 weeks, they decided 
to reject it.

So I will send them another one this week, see below.  I entered it in the 
contest, it didn't do anything, so I looked it over, UG! So I did some 
serious retooling of the peace so that it looks better, at least I think so.

Please take a look and see what you think.

Shawn Jacobson
Mathematical Statistician
Phone# (202)-475-8759
Fax# (202)-485-0275

Inspiration of Wonder
by Shawn Jacobson
While reading Zenna's people stories
I heard the God of light-year strides
condescend to speak in divine language
that reach into my innermost being where runs
the code that steers my soul
to touch all with joy and wonder.

And my soul did mount up like an eagle,
that forged the stars.  And walking with the presence I strove to shine
with its light and share its love.  My spirit vaulted
to grateful heights and soaring for a while...

But now with soaring done and spirit fled
I stand alone deserted by the one.  I hold the shards
of joy and trudge the darkness.  I search for the path,
and seek the light, the way of joy, wonder lost.

But then why should I seek strange gods, this alien El Shadi,
when safer gods are neigh?  And in my search do I find the author of life, 
or merely comely imposters with winsome lies?  Hope is my only beacon.

Troubled as I am
I strive just to be human
and struggle with that.


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