[stylist] December prompt response

[Chris Kuell]

All comments, suggestions, opinions and fan mail are welcomed.


 

The Book of Moe

 

Reid Fleming, BBC News, 07 Dec 2012

 

 

According to the Bible, Jesus was born in Bethlehem (Matthew 1:18-25, Luke 26-38), was baptized by his cousin John in the River Jordan around age 30 (Matthew 3:13-17), the Holy Spirit descended upon him (Mark 1:9-11) and he began his teaching ministry, which is well documented within the books of the New Testament. Aside from a story about him disappearing for three days, only to be discovered discussing theology with the priests in the Temple when he was twelve (Luke 2:39-52), nothing is known about his childhood. Until now.

 

In a tale worthy of an Indiana Jones movie or Dan Brown novel, a nearly two-thousand year old piece of parchment was discovered by an American soldier in Iraq in late 2008. Private Harold Skellig was hunting for survivors after an insurgent attack in   the Manawa province of Northern Iraq on August 28, 2008. In the basement of a destroyed dwelling, he found a small cavern. Within the cavern, he discovered a partially broken clay jar that looked like something he'd seen at the Museum of Natural History as a kid. There were foreign letters on the jar, and Pvt. Skellig realized the find might be of archeological significance. He managed to retrieve the vessel, along with a few other broken shards, and smuggle them back to the United States, where he turned them over to his older sister, Dr. Stephanie Howard, of the Yale Divinity School. Within the jar were thousands of parchment fragments covered with Greek writing. Working together with the Yale Archeological department and Linguists from Harvard and Columbia, part of the ancient parchment has been restored.

 

 

"This is a fascinating artifact," says Dr. Howard. "The writing etched on the outside of the clay jar is ancient Hebrew, and reads "moe' which is probably a family name. The partial scroll it contained is written in Greek, which leads us to believe it was written sometime after Jesus' death, most likely around 100 EC."

 

The scripture, which some are now referring to as 'The Book of Moe', sheds an interesting light on the spiritual figure some two billion Christians worship today. Over the years, many have questioned-was Jesus man, or God? It appears from the following translation that the savior was, at least for a time, all boy.

 

Here are the 405 words the scholars have been able to reassemble and translate at this point:

 

.after attending temple, made their way to the home of Levi. Jesus, who had also attended temple with Simeon, was appalled to see the Pharisee and Scribe drinking wine as the Sabbath approached.

"Come," he said to Simeon and his brother Juda."Let us dig a trench, and fill it with the dung of seven times seventy sheep."

 

As the boys worked, Jesus entered the house of Levi. "Excuse me, teacher, but as the Sabbath is near, I have an important question to ask."

 

The priest, who was on his fourth glass of Levi's strong wine by then, glared at the boy. "Ask if you must, and then be gone with you."

 

"In the house of my father, you warned us to do no work on the Sabbath day. Is this correct?"

 

"It is written in the scriptures, and commanded by the Lord God who hath no mercy," the Pharisee exclaimed.     

   

"Is cleaning thyself considered work, oh wise one?"

 

"Thou mayest clean thy hands and feet before entering the temple, but otherwise thou must rest on the Sabbath day."

 

The boy King nodded with understanding. "And what about if thy be granted a miracle?"

 

"Miracle? What sayeth you, boy? Waste not my time."

 

"Suppose, wise teacher, that you saw two half-moons on the Sabbath day. Would that not be considered a miracle?"

 

"A sign, certainly," the Pharisee answered, filling his goblet once again with wine.

 

"Suppose you saw not one, not two, but four moons," Jesus said. "That would be a miracle, no?"

 

The scribe nodded with amusement as the Pharisee said "Certainly"

 

"And what about six moons, kind rabbi? Wouldn't that be the miracle of all miracles?"

 

"Yes," the Pharisee shouted. "If I were to witness six moons on the Sabbath, I would surely bow down before my Lord God and kiss the very ground he created."

 

"Thank you, knowledgable teacher," Jesus said. "As it is now past sunset, and the Lord would not be pleased that I be with drunken fools on his Sabbath, I must leave."

 

As Jesus left the house of Levi, the red-faced Pharisee and balding scribe followed quickly behind him, only to step knee deep into the trench filled with dung. Ten steps before them, the three boys bent forward and pulled up their tunics.

 

"Look, Rabbi!"Jesus shouted. "Six half moons! Remember to bow down and kiss the ground the Lord hath created!"

   

"You little son-of a (parchment too damaged to continue translation) 

 

At this point the author of the ancient text is not known, although it is hoped that clues to the writer will be revealed upon further reassemblance and translation of the parchment fragments. Not all theologians are embracing the latest scriptures, however. According to Pat Robertson, the American media mogul and former Southern Baptist preacher, the new texts are questionable, and not to be believed until they are  " removed from the dirty hands of the socialist, liberal, so called 'experts' and studied by more reliable  scholars in proper Christian Universities."

 Robertson went on to say that while the text had yet to be authenticated, it clearly "rejects the sins of alcohol and homosexuality, so abhorred by the Lord our God, Jesus Christ the Almighty."

 

When asked for his thoughts on the newly discovered text, conservative Pundit and self-proclaimed theologist Stephen Colbert said simply, "I have absolutely no doubt that Jesus Christ was one f-cking funny kid."