[stylist] December prompt response

[Eve Sanchez]

hahahahahhaaahhaha     Funny.

On Fri, Dec 7, 2012 at 7:39 AM, Chris Kuell <ckuell at comcast.net> wrote:

> All comments, suggestions, opinions and fan mail are welcomed.
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> The Book of Moe
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> Reid Fleming, BBC News, 07 Dec 2012
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> According to the Bible, Jesus was born in Bethlehem (Matthew 1:18-25, Luke
> 26-38), was baptized by his cousin John in the River Jordan around age 30
> (Matthew 3:13-17), the Holy Spirit descended upon him (Mark 1:9-11) and he
> began his teaching ministry, which is well documented within the books of
> the New Testament. Aside from a story about him disappearing for three
> days, only to be discovered discussing theology with the priests in the
> Temple when he was twelve (Luke 2:39-52), nothing is known about his
> childhood. Until now.
>
>
>
> In a tale worthy of an Indiana Jones movie or Dan Brown novel, a nearly
> two-thousand year old piece of parchment was discovered by an American
> soldier in Iraq in late 2008. Private Harold Skellig was hunting for
> survivors after an insurgent attack in   the Manawa province of Northern
> Iraq on August 28, 2008. In the basement of a destroyed dwelling, he found
> a small cavern. Within the cavern, he discovered a partially broken clay
> jar that looked like something he'd seen at the Museum of Natural History
> as a kid. There were foreign letters on the jar, and Pvt. Skellig realized
> the find might be of archeological significance. He managed to retrieve the
> vessel, along with a few other broken shards, and smuggle them back to the
> United States, where he turned them over to his older sister, Dr. Stephanie
> Howard, of the Yale Divinity School. Within the jar were thousands of
> parchment fragments covered with Greek writing. Working together with the
> Yale Archeological department and Linguists from Harvard and Columbia, part
> of the ancient parchment has been restored.
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> "This is a fascinating artifact," says Dr. Howard. "The writing etched on
> the outside of the clay jar is ancient Hebrew, and reads "moe' which is
> probably a family name. The partial scroll it contained is written in
> Greek, which leads us to believe it was written sometime after Jesus'
> death, most likely around 100 EC."
>
>
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> The scripture, which some are now referring to as 'The Book of Moe', sheds
> an interesting light on the spiritual figure some two billion Christians
> worship today. Over the years, many have questioned-was Jesus man, or God?
> It appears from the following translation that the savior was, at least for
> a time, all boy.
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> Here are the 405 words the scholars have been able to reassemble and
> translate at this point:
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> .after attending temple, made their way to the home of Levi. Jesus, who
> had also attended temple with Simeon, was appalled to see the Pharisee and
> Scribe drinking wine as the Sabbath approached.
>
> "Come," he said to Simeon and his brother Juda."Let us dig a trench, and
> fill it with the dung of seven times seventy sheep."
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> As the boys worked, Jesus entered the house of Levi. "Excuse me, teacher,
> but as the Sabbath is near, I have an important question to ask."
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> The priest, who was on his fourth glass of Levi's strong wine by then,
> glared at the boy. "Ask if you must, and then be gone with you."
>
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> "In the house of my father, you warned us to do no work on the Sabbath
> day. Is this correct?"
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> "It is written in the scriptures, and commanded by the Lord God who hath
> no mercy," the Pharisee exclaimed.
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> "Is cleaning thyself considered work, oh wise one?"
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> "Thou mayest clean thy hands and feet before entering the temple, but
> otherwise thou must rest on the Sabbath day."
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> The boy King nodded with understanding. "And what about if thy be granted
> a miracle?"
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> "Miracle? What sayeth you, boy? Waste not my time."
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> "Suppose, wise teacher, that you saw two half-moons on the Sabbath day.
> Would that not be considered a miracle?"
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> "A sign, certainly," the Pharisee answered, filling his goblet once again
> with wine.
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> "Suppose you saw not one, not two, but four moons," Jesus said. "That
> would be a miracle, no?"
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> The scribe nodded with amusement as the Pharisee said "Certainly"
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> "And what about six moons, kind rabbi? Wouldn't that be the miracle of all
> miracles?"
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> "Yes," the Pharisee shouted. "If I were to witness six moons on the
> Sabbath, I would surely bow down before my Lord God and kiss the very
> ground he created."
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> "Thank you, knowledgable teacher," Jesus said. "As it is now past sunset,
> and the Lord would not be pleased that I be with drunken fools on his
> Sabbath, I must leave."
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> As Jesus left the house of Levi, the red-faced Pharisee and balding scribe
> followed quickly behind him, only to step knee deep into the trench filled
> with dung. Ten steps before them, the three boys bent forward and pulled up
> their tunics.
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> "Look, Rabbi!"Jesus shouted. "Six half moons! Remember to bow down and
> kiss the ground the Lord hath created!"
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> "You little son-of a (parchment too damaged to continue translation)
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> At this point the author of the ancient text is not known, although it is
> hoped that clues to the writer will be revealed upon further reassemblance
> and translation of the parchment fragments. Not all theologians are
> embracing the latest scriptures, however. According to Pat Robertson, the
> American media mogul and former Southern Baptist preacher, the new texts
> are questionable, and not to be believed until they are  " removed from the
> dirty hands of the socialist, liberal, so called 'experts' and studied by
> more reliable  scholars in proper Christian Universities."
>
>  Robertson went on to say that while the text had yet to be authenticated,
> it clearly "rejects the sins of alcohol and homosexuality, so abhorred by
> the Lord our God, Jesus Christ the Almighty."
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> When asked for his thoughts on the newly discovered text, conservative
> Pundit and self-proclaimed theologist Stephen Colbert said simply, "I have
> absolutely no doubt that Jesus Christ was one f-cking funny kid."
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