[stylist] Is It Heaven poem

[Barbara Hammel]

Brad, you have a few good ideas in ther.  Thanks for the help.  Next time I 
have my notetaker near the computer, I'll look and definitely change some. 
My husband says it's pronounced "Thibodoo".
Barbara




A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the crowd. --  
Max Lucado
-----Original Message----- 
From: BradDunsé
Sent: Friday, January 06, 2012 9:42 AM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] Is It Heaven poem

Barbara,

I'm more of a lyricist than  poet but for what
it's  worth here are some comments.  Areas with
just *'s mean possibly omit, and areas of /*
means the * bit is a suggestion. I like the
sentiment though and I'm in total agreement with
you, waiting for the backlash of a wonderfully mild/enjoyable winter.

IS IT HEAVEN?

It's January the fifth  today And the thermometer says sixty-two,
Are you sure that I'm in Iowa And not in Thibodaux?
BD: I assume Thibodaux is pronounced "tibidoo" or similar?
Or is it Heaven, after all, Not Iowa any more?
Winter cannot/*can't*  stay like this. It will/*It'll* return with a roar.
It's January the fifth today And shirt sleeves are the wear
There's not hint of winter time Out in the sunny air.
BD: above seems broken English
Or is it Heaven*,* after all, And did I not know, but did I die?
BD: seems  too long?
For this isn't winter in Iowa, Not a flake of snow do I spy.
BD: In songwriting we'd call the above a forced
rhyme. Backwards talking to make a rhyme. If you
are looking for more conversational it would say
something like: "This isn't winter in Iowa, I
don't see a flake of snow" Most Europen countries
tend to lean twoards such as part of the sentence
structure, my family has German heritage and
there is a common joke of: "Throwing the cow over
the fence, some hay" which is much different than
"Throwing some hay over the fence for the cow."

  It's January the fifth today, And my child thinks it pretty neat
That he can go outside and swing In his coat and *his* bare feet
Or is it Heaven, after all, Please pinch me so I'll know
There are nonexisting/*arn't*  gale-force winds
And four feet of invisible snow.

Brad



Brad Dunsé

"Tell me, and I'll forget. Show me, and I'll
remember. Involve me, and I'll learn." --Unknown

http://www.braddunsemusic.com

http://www.facebook.com/braddunse

http://www.twitter.com/braddunse



Brad Dunsé

"Tell me, and I'll forget. Show me, and I'll
remember. Involve me, and I'll learn." --Unknown

http://www.braddunsemusic.com

http://www.facebook.com/braddunse

http://www.twitter.com/braddunse
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