[stylist] William the Conqueror; some thoughts to ponder
Chris Kuell
ckuell at comcast.net
Tue Nov 13 14:28:11 UTC 2012
Hey Bill,
I really like the theme of this piece--that in order to be the capable,
competent, sucessful blind people that we know we can be, we must be
proactive, believe in ourselves, and never take 'no you can't' as an
acceptable answer.You do a nice job with the lead in about William the
Conquerer. Personally, I'd like to see more specifics about you and your
struggles, times you've been told to wait or to simply accept your fate.
That would make the message stronger to me.
As for critiquing, one sentence jumped out to me as awkward:
It can rightly be said that his act of conquest was odacious.
I believe it's spelled 'audacious', but aside from that, the sentence
doesn't really add anything. If I changed it to: It could rightly be said
that he was tall--the reader would think, so what? try to use the word
within the sentence, such as: William's troop movements were often bold,
even audacious, leaving his foes baffled and perplexed...
Just some thoughts.
Thanks for sharing.
chris
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