[stylist] Rainbow response- lamenting sight

[Bridgit Pollpeter]

Lynda,

I understand what you say. I like being able to control things, so it
sucks that I require assistant for shopping, decorating, initial
organizing, etc. Technology is making some of this easier, but for
those of us who once could see, it's just not as nice.

This doesn't mean we can't do things nonvisually or that it becomes
incredibly difficult. But I hate relying on others to determine color
and style and product. I will usually know exactly what I want, and will
describe it to the best of my abilities, but ultimately, I have to trust
the judgment of others.

And I don't think it's wrong to admit any of this. Like Lynda, I will
probably never bask in the glory of blindness, but this doesn't mean I'm
sitting at home depressed, thinking I can't do anything.

It's been 10 years for me, and I'm just now beginning to miss my sight
in ways I never did before. It started once Declan was born. I just want
to see my baby, his expressions, his movements. He crawled for the first
time last night, and I had to place my hand on his back to experience
it. This doesn't lessen exhilaration I feel, but it would still be nice
to actually see it. He smiles all the time, and somehow, I know when
he's smiling, but nonetheless, I want to freaking see it. If this makes
me a *bad person,* well... I don't think that's my problem to deal with.

Having said all this, I'm making my life what I want it to be. Nothing,
blindness included, is getting in my way. I was told I would never have
a biological child, and now I'm enjoying all the firsts with my baby
boy. I say F U to all those who push us down and stifle us no matter the
topic or reason.

We are allowed to feel what we feel and reach understanding in our own
time. We are certainly allowed to miss our vision. This isn't a
reflection on our attitude towards blindness itself. This seems to be
something so many blind people have a difficult time separating; the
lamenting of sight and the attitude one takes towards blindness. I can
be independent and positive and still miss the convenience of my vision.

Bridgit

Message: 5
Date: Fri, 5 Apr 2013 18:19:43 -0400
From: "Lynda Lambert" <llambert at zoominternet.net>
To: "Writer's Division Mailing List" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Subject: Re: [stylist] color/rainbow prompt response
Message-ID: <78707F5DA17A4563ADAE25B5843E448B at Lambert>
Content-Type: text/plain; format=flowed; charset="iso-8859-1";
	reply-type=original

I can sure understand why you said that. You are an amazing woman and I
have 
always loved reading your work.

But, to be honest, being blind is a bitch to me, and it pisses me off -
in 
plain old language. However, I am not really angry - but take things in 
stride and have plunged forward with life as it is. But, it is most 
definitely very inconvenient.  When I hear people here talk about how
great 
it is to be blind, I think they are on another planet, in some parallel 
universe.  I sure don't live in the same world they do and I definitely 
never ever see people as Blind or Sighted, like it is a culture or a
special 
group. I have no particular bias against people who can see well,
because there are just stupid people of all sorts, blind or sighted.
Horror 
stories go both ways - but then, I have not had a lifetime of dealing
with 
such challenges so who am I to say? Cynicism is not healthy for anyone.

I won't be singing the glories of sight loss nor celebrating it in any
way, 
anytime soon, and probably never.
I like the driver's seat; I like planning my own moves; and I love being
in 
complete charge of everything around me, so for me, it's a bitch! Of
course, 
I never say this to anyone around me.

OK, back to your poem. I agree that it sounds completely different when 
hearing it via a synthetic voice - but if you could hear a human reading
it 
aloud, it works very well.  Why not take it to your poetry group, and
have 2 
people read it - no two people ever read a poem the same way. It is
always 
good to hear at least 2 or 3 different people read the same poem to
really 
get the feel of it.

Your extended lines really even it out - because most of the time
rhyming 
end words really make things stilted and confined, and often make a
serious 
poem sound silly; but the extended lines (your enjambment) does help
give it 
some space.

The asterisk, I forgot to mention. I agree with Chris. It came across to
me 
as a typo, which I meant to let you know was there. It does not work in
the 
way you were hoping it would - to divide the poem into two parts. You
don't 
need to do that, because with your words you have taken us from one time

frame to another very well, I think.
Lynda, who is actually in a really great mood this evening!  haha