[stylist] Song lyrics question

Tue Apr 9 04:41:20 UTC 2013

Why not just move "you" down to the next line?  The long line in the first 
group has 11 syllables and moving that word would only give the "dreams" 
line 10.
I wouldn't worry about making all your verses have the same rhyme scheme 
(your first concern).  I didn't even notice it until you pointed it out.
Barbara

Writing free verse is like playing tennis with the net down.--Robert Frost
-----Original Message----- 
From: Donna Hill
Sent: Monday, April 08, 2013 3:45 PM
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: [stylist] Song lyrics question

Hi Friends,
I was invited to be on the Blind Matters radio show from Florida the day
before Mothers' Day. Knowing that I write songs, they asked if I had
anything for the occasion. What I have is from the '80s and is a song from
the POV of a blind mother to her small child.
What I'm planning to do is to record it and send it to them to use in one of
their breaks. I did a little rewriting to spruce it up a bit, but there are
two things that bother me which I haven't been able to resolve. I'll copy it
below. I know many of you prefer attachments, so I'll do that too. My
concerns are after the lyrics.
Thanks for any input,
Donna
***

LITTLE ONE

Words and Music by Donna W. Hill, 11/4/87- 4/8/13

1

Little One, Little One,

come take my hand,

You're not old enough to go so far alone,

You're having too much fun

to ever understand

That a merry heart is all we'll ever own.

I can't see the pretty picture that you drew,

But I can hear its magic in your smile,

Refrain:

And I know that you know that I know too,

And that's enough to hold me for a while.

2.

Little One, Little One,

come walk by my side,

Every day's a holiday, it's true,

There's lots of room to run

and nowhere we can't hide,

And everything I know I'll tell to you,

I can't see the shady trees along the road,

But I can feel their beauty in each mile,

And I know that you know that I know too,

And that's enough to hold me for a while.

3.

Little One, Little One,

go play now on your own,

I won't hold you back with all my crazy schemes,

I hope before this day is done,

something will have shown you

How to follow all your special dreams.

I can't see how you'll work the whole thing through,

But I'll bet you do it all in style,

And I know that you know that I know too,

And that's enough to hold me for a while.

###

Concerns

In verse 2, for consistency, it seems like the first line of this couplet
should rhyme with "drew" and "through" which are in the same position in the
first and third verses. On the other hand, this verse already has "true" and
"you," so if I did find something, we'd have perhaps too many rhymes in this
verse.

I can't see the shady trees along the road,

But I can feel their beauty in each mile,

Verse 3: This second section gives me fits. The first line has a word after
the rhyming word. I can make it work singing it, but have been trying to
rewrite it entirely.

I hope before this day is done,

something will have shown you

How to follow all your special dreams.

"You'll have been shown" or (you will have been shown"sounds awkward.

-- The Heart of Applebutter Hill, a novel on a mission:
DonnaWHill.com

Read Donna's articles on Suite 101:
http://suite101 <http://suite101.com/donna-w-hill> .com/donna-w-hill

Connect with Donna on
Twitter:
www.twitter.com/dewhill
LinkedIn:
www.linkedin.com/in/dwh99
FaceBook:
www.facebook.com/donna.w.hill

Hear clips from "The Last Straw" at:
cdbaby.com/cd/donnahill

Apple I-Tunes
phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?playListId=259244374

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