[stylist] Song lyrics question

[Jacobson, Shawn D]

Donna

I like the song lyrics, a nice way to bring blindness into the piece.  I can't see the picture but I can hear the smile.

Anyway, a good job as far as I'm concerned.

Shawn

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Donna Hill
Sent: Monday, April 08, 2013 4:45 PM
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: [stylist] Song lyrics question

Hi Friends,
I was invited to be on the Blind Matters radio show from Florida the day before Mothers' Day. Knowing that I write songs, they asked if I had anything for the occasion. What I have is from the '80s and is a song from the POV of a blind mother to her small child. 
What I'm planning to do is to record it and send it to them to use in one of their breaks. I did a little rewriting to spruce it up a bit, but there are two things that bother me which I haven't been able to resolve. I'll copy it below. I know many of you prefer attachments, so I'll do that too. My concerns are after the lyrics. 
Thanks for any input,
Donna
***

LITTLE ONE

 

Words and Music by Donna W. Hill, 11/4/87- 4/8/13   

 

1

Little One, Little One, 

come take my hand, 

You're not old enough to go so far alone, 

 

You're having too much fun

to ever understand 

That a merry heart is all we'll ever own.

 

I can't see the pretty picture that you drew, 

But I can hear its magic in your smile,

 

Refrain:

And I know that you know that I know too, 

And that's enough to hold me for a while.

 

2. 

Little One, Little One, 

come walk by my side, 

Every day's a holiday, it's true,

 

There's lots of room to run 

and nowhere we can't hide,

And everything I know I'll tell to you,

 

I can't see the shady trees along the road,

But I can feel their beauty in each mile, 

And I know that you know that I know too, 

And that's enough to hold me for a while.

 

3. 

Little One, Little One, 

go play now on your own, 

I won't hold you back with all my crazy schemes,

 

I hope before this day is done, 

something will have shown you

How to follow all your special dreams.

 

I can't see how you'll work the whole thing through,

But I'll bet you do it all in style,

And I know that you know that I know too, 

And that's enough to hold me for a while.

###

 

Concerns

In verse 2, for consistency, it seems like the first line of this couplet should rhyme with "drew" and "through" which are in the same position in the first and third verses. On the other hand, this verse already has "true" and "you," so if I did find something, we'd have perhaps too many rhymes in this verse.

 

I can't see the shady trees along the road,

But I can feel their beauty in each mile, 

 

Verse 3: This second section gives me fits. The first line has a word after the rhyming word. I can make it work singing it, but have been trying to rewrite it entirely. 

 

I hope before this day is done, 

something will have shown you

How to follow all your special dreams.

 

"You'll have been shown" or (you will have been shown"sounds awkward.

 
-- The Heart of Applebutter Hill, a novel on a mission:
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