[stylist] Elements of Passion? a horr/romance fanticy fiction?

[Donna Hill]

Ashley,
It's funny how that happens; you read and read and read and stuff just slips
right under your radar. I can't tell you how many times I've read through my
novel looking for things just to find some glaring error that I've passed
over dozens of times. Nobody ever catches everything -- I think it's a
universal law. Or, maybe it's a little joke the muses play on us -- putting
things in there just to see if we're awake. *grin*
Donna 

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Ashley
Gorzelany
Sent: Monday, February 04, 2013 11:00 AM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] Elements of Passion? a horr/romance fanticy fiction?

Donna,

oh, uh  i did try to state in the first message that  there was sex.  i
guess explisit has many different levels.  that is tame compared to  what
i've red in the past.

my appologies all.

and thanks for pointing those out.  i didn't notice them on the last 5 read
throughs i've done.

thanks,
ashley
----- Original Message -----
From: "Donna Hill" <penatwork at epix.net>
To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Monday, February 04, 2013 10:40 AM
Subject: Re: [stylist] Elements of Passion? a horr/romance fanticy fiction?


Hi Ashley,
First, I really like your descriptions of the environment and characters in
this and the emotional journey of alienation and acceptance. I think it
would grab the attention of anyone into erotic fantasy, and I hope you keep
working on it. Just a heads up, and I know you sort of warn the audience,
but I think that when you post this genre, you should make sure you include
something up front that strongly indicates that it has explicit descriptions
of sex , since we do have young people on the list, and some of their
parents would prefer they not read material like this, even if it is good.

That said, I found what I think is a typo in Chapter 2:
Block quote
And if rose was right and this was used to be her home, then what about her
parents, surely, they'd be, here?
Block quote end

I don't think you meant "was used to be" and am guessing you edited out
something and missed removing "was."

Also,   the same sort of thing happens in Chapter 4
Block quote
Kuro swallowed was knowing who she was, knowing her life before Murdok worth
the pain she knew would come?
Block quote end

In Chapter 5, a similar thing happens with "hands."
Block quote
Her hands twisted a small flower around in her hands,  the petals were
closed, almost dead looking.
Block quote end
HTH,
Donna

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Ashley
Gorzelany
Sent: Friday, February 01, 2013 12:06 AM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: [stylist] Elements of Passion? a horr/romance fanticy fiction?

Hi all  I've been working on this story since the first of november.  It was
origionally going to be my National Novel Writing month story but life
conspired against me.  so it never hit the 50000 word mark.

Elements of passion is a 21500 word fiction complete with some beauty, 2
cool kitsunes,   some romance even if the romance is female in nature.
there are some graphic sceens, but not, too graphic.  and i'm happy with the
way it turned out.  oh and there's action.  on a raiting of G to R it's
rated R mostly due to the probably questionable nature of it.
magic, kitsunes, demons,  oddness. some humor, not much but.  i enjoyed
writing it.



Keep in mind i write for fun,  so  don't expect anything except thoughts if
you are all interested in reading it.

It's a word 2007 document  hopefully you don't have any problems.  if you do
let me know.

thanks,
Ashley


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