[stylist] Creative non-fiction writing excersize--Taking the Fall for Federationism

[Jacobson, Shawn D]

OK here's my entry.  Sorry for being late with this.

Shawn Jacobson
Mathematical Statistician
Phone# (202)-475-8759
Fax# (202)-485-0275

Taking the Fall for Federationism
by Shawn Jacobson
"Are you alright?" the man asks as I lay there on the pavement.
"Yes" I say reflexively, what I say whenever I take one of these pratfalls.  I look down.  This is one of those entrances to a parking garage.  The driveway is divided starting halfway to the street.  The divide is nicely delineated by yellow pavement, a color change I hadn't paid attention to as I hurried to get IRS forms.
My quest for IRS form 1099-MISC (for miscellaneous) had really started five years ago at an NFB meeting for state presidents and treasurers.  One of the speakers, a gentleman from a business school in Utah, was explaining the importance of keeping records.  He explained that a corporation was like a child and failing to keep proper records was tantamount to child neglect.  'Was this guy for real?' I wondered.  Apparently, the big wigs in Baltimore felt that he was or he wouldn't be there.  The business school guy droned on about a lot of record keeping tricks that I have since forgotten, but he did mention the need to fill out 1099 forms for people who work for us (readers and drivers); so here I was, getting the paperwork I needed.
I pulled myself to my feet.  My right thigh hurt with a pain that wasn't supposed to be there, not one of the aches and pains I had acquired through getting older gracefully.  I took an experimental step, ouch, and continued one step after another.  "Where is 77 K St. NW?" I ask an older black gentleman you had seen me go down.
"It's right in front of you" he said.  I hobbled towards the entrance; must not neglect the child after all.
I enter the building and limp across the cavernous foyer (pain makes all things bigger) to a security guard.  "Where is the IRS office?" I ask.
"You've got the right building, but the wrong entrance" the guy answers.  He then explains that I have to go out and around the corner.  I thank him and stagger on my way.
I don't waste a lot of time wondering if I would have fallen if I had carried my cane.  I've seen enough blind people with canes fall to know that a white cane is not a magic wand.  I've also seen enough sighted people go down in my time to know that the magic of eyesight is also limited.
I get to the IRS office and enter the building.  A sign on the door to the office reads, in print big enough for me to see, "Employees Only".
"Can I get in here?" I ask the guard at the metal detector.
"Go ahead" he says.  I put my stuff on the conveyer belt going through the scanner.  First, the coat followed by my shoe bag, then I empty my pockets into the tray proved for such things.  I then pass through the detectors, no problem.
Inside the office, I look through the racks of forms for 1099-MISC; no luck.  "Try in the other room" a helpful gentleman says.  I go in the open door, move through the rope maze to a desk.  "Where is form 1099-MISC?" I ask. She points me back out the door to a rack of forms just outside the door.  As I limp to the rack, I notice that I am still holding the tray from the metal detector.  I feel like Mr. Magoo; I hurt too much to care.
Finally, I leave with my treasure.  As I limp back to the subway station, I remember other spills I have taken.  There was the time I was taking an evening stroll with my tape player and stepped into a culvert.  I ruined a good Wilson Phillips cassette and, incidentally, scraped my left knee to the point I needed a large band aid.  Then there was the time I tripped in our apartment and left a "V" shaped mark on my forehead.  And there was the unforgettable time I rammed my forehead into the top of our shed splattering blood all over my tea shirt.  This is now known as the OJ tea shirt in honor of a famous football player with his own bloody adventures.
I did get home without further incident, and the day I took off work to lick my wounds gave me time to fill out the required IRS forms.  I think the corporate baby is doing well.  Think I need to stop neglecting myself.