[stylist] Tunnel Vision

Thu Jan 31 20:52:23 UTC 2013

Donna, I was so "into" the telling of the story I  was not at all aware of 
length of time or length of the story itself. You kept my attention from 
beginning to end - the momentum never let off - you kept a tension going 
that would keep any reader inside the story! Yes! I think that it is a TRAIN 
that is roaring down the landscape and the tunnel is just a minor part of 
that swift movement.

I like to respond by asking questions  when I am reading -  the Socratic 
method.   I use in looking at my own work and at anyone else's.  As I read 
through a very good work, there is always that Socratic dialogue taking 
place internally for me.  The questions propel me forward  through the 
piece.

Lynda

----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Donna Hill" <penatwork at epix.net>
To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2013 2:42 PM
Subject: Re: [stylist] Tunnel Vision

> Hi Lynda,
> Thanks for the comments and suggestions. I love the idea of the momentum 
> of
> the story being like a freight train. I am very aware, both in speech and 
> in
> writing, of the need to get something out as quickly as I can -- I feel 
> like
> people have little tolerance for listening or reading. I think it's also a
> way of wrapping up some of these nastier aspects of my life into tight
> little bundles that are from then on more manageable.
>
> One thing I wanted to include was more about the tunnel vision's impact on
> reading. I didn't because the piece is already over 2,000 words, but I may
> just play around with that. If I go that way, perhaps the tunnel thing 
> will
> make more sense.
> Donna
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Lynda 
> Lambert
> Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2013 11:46 AM
> To: Writer's Division Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [stylist] Tunnel Vision
>
> Donna, this essay was both hilarious and sad at the same time. After I 
> read
> it through, the word that came to me was "momentum." The piece had a fast
> paced momentum the kept cranking on like some kind of mechanical force, 
> from
> beginning to end. Maybe like a train moving through a tunnel, now that I
> think about it.
>
> The quick-step-dance down the stairway was captivating. I could see it
> clearly, and I could feel the momentum of it. Part of me was watching it
> from below the landing and my heart was throbbing; and part of me was bent
> over double laughing at the bizaare nature of it all.  I  think I would
> laugh  due to  a purely emotional response to the terror of the sight of 
> it
> all!
>
> Does the ending really need to address the idea or image of a tunnel at 
> all?
> Does the  title have to be about a tunnel?
> Maybe that is too narrow and you are trying to force the word "tunnel" 
> into
> the work at beginning and ending?
>
> When I got to the last part,  your  ending gave   me the same feeling I 
> get
> when I read a poem that  was written by putting down a  string of  end 
> words
> that  rhyme; then  the writer  tries to pound  lines into those  forced 
> end
> words.
>
> It  also made me feel like I was standing in front of my wall of books on
> shelves. There are bookends there that hold the books fast in place on the
> shelf. I pick up a book and walk over to my fully loaded shelf;  I begin 
> to
> try squeezing that book in my had  into position at the end of the shelf.
> It just won't fit in there!
>
> I really loved this piece because of the insight it gave me into what it 
> is
> like to have lifetime challenges with eye problems. I was especially
> interested in your discussion of how you tried to do school work, without
> the kinds of adaptions that would be necessary for success.
>
> I was very surprised to see that  as a young child you did not have cane
> training and did not use a cane as a young adult.  Your sense of humer in
> dire circumstances come through very clearly. I really enjoyed this essay.
>
>
> Lynda
>
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Donna Hill" <penatwork at epix.net>
> To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2013 10:10 AM
> Subject: Re: [stylist] Tunnel Vision
>
>
>> Chris,
>> Yes, it was a wonderful break, and thanks for your comments. Personally, 
>> I
>> don't know if I could ever pull that stair trick off again. It's never
>> happened. I'd like to think I could, but I'd rather not find out. *grin*
>>
>> As for the ending, I thought about it afterwards and temporarily changed
>> the
>> last sentence to read:
>>
>> Block quote
>> Also, those tunnels, which had been -- along with my hopes -- narrowing
>> over
>> the years , seemed to be starting to spread out a bit.
>> Block quote end
>>
>> It's not quite right, but better, I think. Armed with your thoughts,
>> however, I will rethink the matter.
>> Donna
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Chris 
>> Kuell
>> Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2013 8:45 AM
>> To: Writer's Division Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [stylist] Tunnel Vision
>>
>> Donna,
>>
>> You are a competent writer, and this piece reads well. Like all of us on
>> this list, there are certainly parts I can relate to. For example: Then,
>> my
>> heart was drilling a hole through my chest. My last step hadn't landed; 
>> it
>> was sinking through thin air.
>> Been there, done that, and you capture the momentary feeling so well. Why
>> isn't my foot on solid ground? As for your recovery, racing down the
>> stairs,
>> I have no idea how you pulled that off. Whatever your methodology, I 
>> could
>> use some lessons.
>>
>> As far as recommendations to improve the piece, I'd have to agree that 
>> the
>> ending needs work. You might consider changing the title to something 
>> like
>> 'Adventures in the Tunnel', since the piece is largely a recap of some of
>> your mishaps. You might end a little more philosophically. Tunnels, by
>> their
>> very nature, are limiting. They impede ones' progress to move in a 
>> variety
>> of directions. However, once given the proper tools, we can chip away at
>> those limitations. We can create new tunnels that go in a multitude of
>> places we never thought we could go. That sort of thing.
>>
>> Now, wasn't it nice to take a break from editing your novel and get
>> creative
>> for a few hours?
>>
>> chris
>>
>>
>>
>>
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