[stylist] balancing with fiction

Fri Mar 29 17:27:38 UTC 2013

I, on the other hand,  do like Valmore. He's one of those down-to-earth guys
who isn't afraid to get his hands dirty, or voice his opinions. When you're
a bartender, it's important to be able to banter with folks, and giving
advice is one way to keep the conversation going and people buying. It can
be advice deliberately given to spark a discussion or real wisdom with a
humorous twist. Basically, he has a good heart, and if the chips were down,
I'd want him on my side.

Here are a few of my favorite Valmorisms:
Block quote
Valmore says wind is the most under-estimated element, and grass shacks are
flat shacks. People who buy waterfront property get what they deserve.

Valmore says the most complicated thing in the world is to lead a simple
life, so you'd better be starting. And always wear a tie to a funeral. 

Valmore says nothing is as far away as one minute ago. And regret over
wasted time is more wasted time. 

Valmore says to beware of young doctors and old barbers. Never let a doctor
with a big class ring give you a rectal exam." 
Block quote end
Donna 

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Lynda Lambert
Sent: Friday, March 29, 2013 11:08 AM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] balancing with fiction

Chris,
"Valmore says nothing is as far away as one minute ago. And regret over
wasted time is more wasted time."

Reminds me of  this:

".all past events are more remote from our senses than the stars of the
remotest galaxies, whose own light at least still reaches the telescopes. 
But the moment just past is extinguished forever, save for the things made
during it."

It's a quote from the book by George Kuber, _The Shape of Time_ published by
Yale  University Press, in 1963.
This book is one of my favorite things to read and one I will never give
away, or loan, to anyone. It's one of my treasures.

 Valmore's psudo philisophical reflections  fall into  a pattern of musings
on the Past, Present and Future...
Each of his little tidbits could be developed into  the beginnings of an
article or short story.

Do I like Valmore?   Not so much!
Was this character developed by listening to various individuals? It would
be interesting to know what transpired in his development into this
character.

Lynda

----- Original Message -----
From: "Chris Kuell" <ckuell at comcast.net>
To: "Stylist" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Thursday, March 28, 2013 9:05 PM
Subject: [stylist] balancing with fiction

> There's been a lot of poetry on the list of late, which is great. But I 
> thought I'd balance the mix with an experimental piece of fiction. Just 
> beware--the language is rated R.
>
> Barroom Philosopher
>
>
>
> By Chris Kuell
>
>
>
> Valmore is a towering five-foot-six, bald, with a mortar-block neck. His 
> shoulders are broad and strong, like a fireman, or a long shoreman, or the

> foreman of a coal mining crew. You've seen him bounce druggies, 
> skin-heads, wanna-be prize fighters--bend a quarter with his bare hands.
>
>
>
> Valmore says, "One more."
>
>
>
> Valmore says he thinks the Giants may pull it out this year, and never 
> underestimate the Red Sox.
>
>
>
> Valmore says be good to your mother. Help her out. Explain the DVD player,

> again, and no back talk.
>
>
>
> Valmore says that the most wonderful sight in the world is the head of a 
> trout as it breaks the surface of the water and swallows the mayfly on the

> end of your line.
>
>
>
> Valmore puts down a fresh beer and says, "This one's on the house."
>
>
>
> Valmore says wind is the most under-estimated element, and grass shacks 
> are flat shacks. People who buy waterfront property get what they deserve.
>
>
>
> Valmore says to stay away from high tech stocks for a while. Put your 
> money on Chinese imports and wind mills.
>
>
>
> Valmore says Giuliani is dangerous, says this while toweling the 
> bar--polishing, whispering, lilting, raving--that thick stump of a head 
> turned down your way and cocked to one side.
>
>
>
> Valmore says the finest moment in the world is when you walk out of a 
> stuck elevator and breathe in fresh air, even if it's full of second hand 
> smoke, the stench of leftover kimchi from somebody's lunch, and some old 
> lady's overly-floral perfume.
>
>
>
> Valmore says that if you're lost, ask a blind guy for directions-they 
> always know where they are.
>
>
>
> Valmore says, "One more."
>
>
>
> Valmore says the most complicated thing in the world is to lead a simple 
> life, so you'd better be starting. And always wear a tie to a funeral.
>
>
>
> Valmore says don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the 
> night. Never advise someone to go to war, or to get married.
>
>
>
> Valmore says the city is no place for a dog.
>
>
>
> Valmore says he's never had a bad blowjob. Some were better than others, 
> but he's never had a bad one.
>
>
>
> Valmore says to keep track of the shadows that come up behind you on the 
> sidewalk, because the bastards are waiting to kill you.
>
>
>
> Valmore says, "Last one."
>
>
>
> Valmore says nothing is as far away as one minute ago. And regret over 
> wasted time is more wasted time.
>
>
>
> Valmore says to beware of young doctors and old barbers. Never let a 
> doctor with a big class ring give you a rectal exam.
>
>
>
> Valmore turns the lights down, pours himself a shot and says the best 
> thing you can do is comfort a crying child. Hold her hand, make him laugh,

> give 'em a hug. Fuck what anybody else says.
>
>
>
> Valmore says, "Go home."
>
>
>
>
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