[stylist] Here's myattemptatbeingtactiletothefolkswhowanteverything for nothing

Wed Feb 5 10:51:52 UTC 2014

Donna,

Generally I wouldn't shy away from a confrontation like that, but
without going into the long, sordid history, it's better to leave such
things alone in my family. I learned my lesson a while ago that saying
something gets me nowhere. In my family, we can't rationally, logically
discuss things, instead we have to go at one another like fighting dogs,
going for the jugular each time. Doesn't matter the topic, situation,
person. It's sad but the reality. I mean, a few years ago, my sister
raked me across the coals online because I differed with her about the
weather. This was literally what set her off. She said a storm was
coming, and I said I'm currently watching the news and it says no storm,
and I was turned into the Wicked Witch of the West, and I'm downplaying
what happened. And as for the gas guzzler, as it were, this particular
person would never question why I do something, but they do take
advantage when they can. And I am referring to someone in my immediate
family. I could go on and on but it's not really my way. I already am
feeling a bit vulnerable for sharing this much, but clearing the air
doesn't do much in my family. Usually, especially when it comes to me,
I'm crazy, the bad guy and all manner of horrible things my family has
to put up with. So seething about gas money is actually the least
stressful option in this circumstance, but rest assured that I don't use
this person much for rides, and when I do, I try to have cash on hand.

Bridgit

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
Applebutter Hill
Sent: Tuesday, February 04, 2014 3:16 PM
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's
myattemptatbeingtactiletothefolkswhowanteverything for nothing

Bridgit,
Ugh! Sounds like you have a real predator in your family. I'd give them
cash; never give your debit card to anyone! It's a recipe for disaster
in any case and should be avoided as a matter of habit.

If you use the same driver again and they question why you didn't give
them the debit card, tell them you don't do that anymore or that you
stopped using debit cards in light of the Target credit breach. I'd have
to say something about the fact that when you and Ross tallied up your
accounts for the month you noticed that on the days they gave you rides,
more money was deducted from your account than you had agreed to pay
them. That's me though; I understand that family dynamics are very
difficult and differ greatly one family to another. Donna

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Bridgit
Pollpeter
Sent: Tuesday, February 04, 2014 3:18 AM
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's my
attemptatbeingtactiletothefolkswhowanteverything for nothing

Really? I always here people say drivers don't want to take their money,
but the few people Ross and I use for rides always want some kind of
compensation. I have no problem with this and always at least offer gas
money, but we've had some experiences.

A family member who use to frequently give me rides was taking more gas
money than was being offered. I would hand over my debit card, tell them
how much to take, and they would even give me the receipt. When Ross
would go through transactions, he would notice large amounts of money
used at the gas station we usually stopped at. At first, we thought it
was an accident, but after the second time, we figured they were taking
advantage of the situation. I mean, we are talking about at the most,
going the distance of 1-1/2 miles, and I would offer like $10 or 12 in
gas, but they were taking $20 and a couple of times more. I started
carrying cash to use when this person gave me rides, so they couldn't
take more than I offered. We should have said something, but with my
family, it's very awkward to broach these subjects, especially when the
involve money.

Another crazy story, same family member. When Declan was in the NICU,
Ross and I were spending as much time at hospital as we could. Often
Ross couldn't get up there until after work, so we stayed late. We used
cabs a lot since it was so late, but to cut down on cost, we did ask
some people every now and then for a ride. One night, I decided to stay
over night with Declan, so said family member picked Ross up. Ross
offered gas, but they said not to worry about it. Literally a week
later, I had a voicemail from family member asking if they could get
that gas money now. An entire week after the ride was given and gas
offered at that point. In my opinion, an offer for something like gas
must be accepted when it's offered. I'm not here to fill your tank when
you need it. If you choose to not take me up on the offer when it's
made, then you forfeit that gas money. But maybe I'm the crazy one.

I've yet to have non-family members do anything so crazy. In fact, the
whole six weeks Declan was in the NICU, the only person we had reliable
transportation from was a friend. He even offered to get us in the
middle of the night if necessary, and he was, and still is, the only
person to refuse our money.

So needless to say, if we had problems finding rides to get up to
hospital to visit our newborn, you can imagine what it's like finding
rides for shopping or doctor visits or activities.

And I know I'm only 32, but I've lerned to never say never. I've changed
a lot even since my mid and late 20's. Most for the good, but I don't
think 22 year-old Bridgit would totally recognize 32-year-old Bridgit.
I've learned a lot, grown a lot and made a lot of discoveries along the
way. One of the big ones being that I'm worth a lot more as a person
than I use to think, and that I can have a voice and share opinions and
express my thoughts, and oh yeah, your husband doesn't lose interest in
you just because you don't wear make-up and sexy clothes every day,
grin. And you can also do certain bodily functions that all humans do
and still have you're your partner be maddly in love with you, LOL!

Bridgit

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
Applebutter Hill
Sent: Monday, February 03, 2014 2:20 PM
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's my attempt
atbeingtactiletothefolkswhowanteverything for nothing

After our experience with neighbors and friends around here being so
willing to drive us places, I think I could (or already have really)
built up such a network that I wouldn't have to rely on one person for
everything. Often, I can get a ride with someone going to town anyway
and if I'm not coming back at the same time they are, there's someone
else who can pick me up on their way home from work. For jobs though,
I'd have to insist that they take some payment. They've been impossible
about that; they don't even want gas money
-- we managed to sneak a couple of $20s into one of those little
compartments in the center console of the gal who did so much for us.

I have a hard time with thinking about moving from here. I'm a real
home-body, and with the pond and the gingerbread-style pond shelter that
Rich built, well, I don't think it would be easy. On the other hand,
everyone's getting Lyme disease and it's virtually impossible to really
prevent it. I never say never though, because I know that there are
things I swore I'd never do at certain points of my life, and then I
ended up changing my mind -- like cancer treatments for instance. Donna
-----Original
Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Bridgit
Pollpeter
Sent: Sunday, February 02, 2014 1:13 AM
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's my attempt at
beingtactiletothefolkswhowanteverything for nothing

Seriously though, you don't need a live-in chauffeur or full-time
driver, but you could advertise for a driver and establish what days and
times you may call upon a person to drive and settle upon a payment
that's reasonable to both parties. You could even have a couple of
drivers at your disposal. Say Mike can drive every Tuesday if necessary
and Carol can drive every other Saturday between 10 am and 2 pm. Then
you can make arrangements around those days and times. I mean, it's a
possible option.

Bridgit

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
Applebutter Hill
Sent: Saturday, February 01, 2014 5:19 PM
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's my attempt at being
tactiletothefolkswhowanteverything for nothing

Lynda,
Yes, the full-time driver could live with the rest of the castle
staff.*grin*
Donna

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Lynda
Lambert
Sent: Saturday, February 01, 2014 6:08 PM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's my attempt at being tactile
tothefolkswhowanteverything for nothing

This would be my situation, too, living on the opposite side of PA. The
only cab here would be about an hours drive from where we live. So, it
isn't possible at all.  I guess one solution would be to have a full
time driver, and keep him in a carriage house on the property - at my
beck and call. haha just kidding about that.  Lynda
----- Original Message -----
From: "Applebutter Hill" <applebutterhill at gmail.com>
To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Saturday, February 01, 2014 3:18 PM
Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's my attempt at being tactile to
thefolkswhowanteverything for nothing

> Bridgit,
> While a cab is definitely an option in many cases, it is not for us. A

> cab from here in the sticks to Wilkes-Barre would be well over $100 
> each way, and there is only one cab in Tunkhannock, our closest real 
> town, which is a half hour away -- it doesn't operate after 6p.m..
>
> I tried responding to several folks who wrote in about my response a 
> week ago, but the messages sat in my Out Box and never got sent. 
> Hoping I have better luck with this. *grin* Donna
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Bridgit

> Pollpeter
> Sent: Saturday, January 25, 2014 1:43 PM
> To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
> Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's my attempt at being tactile to 
> thefolkswhowant everything for nothing
>
> If the university is willing to pay, a cab is an option, and this way 
> no person has to take a day or afternoon to drive. Just throwing out
options.
> A
> bus may be another option, though a bus certainly isn't the most 
> convenient option.
>
> Bridgit
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Lynda 
> Lambert
> Sent: Saturday, January 25, 2014 7:38 AM
> To: Writer's Division Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's my attempt at being tactile to the 
> folkswhowant everything for nothing
>
>
> Yes, this is very important. People just do not realize at all that it

> takes something more than just getting in our car and leaving home so 
> that we can be somewhere. Not only is it our time, it is someone 
> else's time.  When I go to the pottery studio to work, it is an hour 
> long dive each way. Then, I am there 3-4 hours working. That is a six 
> hour day for TWO people, plus all the expenses involved that April 
> listed.  Not only is it very inconvenient for the person who is taking

> us places, it is expensive, too.  This is our reality and one that a 
> sighted person would never even think about for a
>
> second.
> Lynda
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "April Brown" <aprilbrownshade at gmail.com>
> To: <stylist at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Saturday, January 25, 2014 6:53 AM
> Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's my attempt at being tactile to the folks

> whowant everything for nothing
>
>
>> Hi Donna,
>>
>>     I think it's great.  I'd emphasize one line though.
>>
>> "I have to get someone else to drive."  Emphasize that you have to 
>> pay them out of pocket for time, gas, and wear and tear on the car.
>>
>> Congrats!
>>
>> April Brown
>>
>> Writing dramatic adventure novels uncovering the myths we hide 
>> behind.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> _______________________________________________
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>
>
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