[stylist] Here'smyattemptatbeingtactiletothefolkswhowanteverything for nothing
Vejas
alpineimagination at gmail.com
Wed Feb 5 15:52:18 UTC 2014
That's so sad about your sister.
I'm curious about everyone's opinions on the following. My
parents told me that when I grow older and live away from them, I
can ride with someone and help them with their gas.
So I have 2 questions. First, if someone insists that you
shouldn't pay them, should you pay them anyway, or just leave it?
Second, do you think that people expecting money is considered
reasonable?
This is just my opinion, but I think that a true friend or
charitable person shouldn't want money. They should just do it
out of the goodness of their hearts. (But I volunteer at my
church, so what do I know.)
I know there's not one answer, but I'd like to know your
differing opinions on these two things.
Vejas
----- Original Message -----
From: Bridgit Pollpeter <bpollpeter at hotmail.com
To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org
Date sent: Wed, 5 Feb 2014 04:51:52 -0600
Subject: Re: [stylist]
Here'smyattemptatbeingtactiletothefolkswhowanteverything for
nothing
Donna,
Generally I wouldn't shy away from a confrontation like that, but
without going into the long, sordid history, it's better to leave
such
things alone in my family. I learned my lesson a while ago that
saying
something gets me nowhere. In my family, we can't rationally,
logically
discuss things, instead we have to go at one another like
fighting dogs,
going for the jugular each time. Doesn't matter the topic,
situation,
person. It's sad but the reality. I mean, a few years ago, my
sister
raked me across the coals online because I differed with her
about the
weather. This was literally what set her off. She said a storm
was
coming, and I said I'm currently watching the news and it says no
storm,
and I was turned into the Wicked Witch of the West, and I'm
downplaying
what happened. And as for the gas guzzler, as it were, this
particular
person would never question why I do something, but they do take
advantage when they can. And I am referring to someone in my
immediate
family. I could go on and on but it's not really my way. I
already am
feeling a bit vulnerable for sharing this much, but clearing the
air
doesn't do much in my family. Usually, especially when it comes
to me,
I'm crazy, the bad guy and all manner of horrible things my
family has
to put up with. So seething about gas money is actually the
least
stressful option in this circumstance, but rest assured that I
don't use
this person much for rides, and when I do, I try to have cash on
hand.
Bridgit
-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
Applebutter Hill
Sent: Tuesday, February 04, 2014 3:16 PM
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's
myattemptatbeingtactiletothefolkswhowanteverything for nothing
Bridgit,
Ugh! Sounds like you have a real predator in your family. I'd
give them
cash; never give your debit card to anyone! It's a recipe for
disaster
in any case and should be avoided as a matter of habit.
If you use the same driver again and they question why you didn't
give
them the debit card, tell them you don't do that anymore or that
you
stopped using debit cards in light of the Target credit breach.
I'd have
to say something about the fact that when you and Ross tallied up
your
accounts for the month you noticed that on the days they gave you
rides,
more money was deducted from your account than you had agreed to
pay
them. That's me though; I understand that family dynamics are
very
difficult and differ greatly one family to another. Donna
-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
Bridgit
Pollpeter
Sent: Tuesday, February 04, 2014 3:18 AM
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's my
attemptatbeingtactiletothefolkswhowanteverything for nothing
Really? I always here people say drivers don't want to take their
money,
but the few people Ross and I use for rides always want some kind
of
compensation. I have no problem with this and always at least
offer gas
money, but we've had some experiences.
A family member who use to frequently give me rides was taking
more gas
money than was being offered. I would hand over my debit card,
tell them
how much to take, and they would even give me the receipt. When
Ross
would go through transactions, he would notice large amounts of
money
used at the gas station we usually stopped at. At first, we
thought it
was an accident, but after the second time, we figured they were
taking
advantage of the situation. I mean, we are talking about at the
most,
going the distance of 1-1/2 miles, and I would offer like $10 or
12 in
gas, but they were taking $20 and a couple of times more. I
started
carrying cash to use when this person gave me rides, so they
couldn't
take more than I offered. We should have said something, but
with my
family, it's very awkward to broach these subjects, especially
when the
involve money.
Another crazy story, same family member. When Declan was in the
NICU,
Ross and I were spending as much time at hospital as we could.
Often
Ross couldn't get up there until after work, so we stayed late.
We used
cabs a lot since it was so late, but to cut down on cost, we did
ask
some people every now and then for a ride. One night, I decided
to stay
over night with Declan, so said family member picked Ross up.
Ross
offered gas, but they said not to worry about it. Literally a
week
later, I had a voicemail from family member asking if they could
get
that gas money now. An entire week after the ride was given and
gas
offered at that point. In my opinion, an offer for something
like gas
must be accepted when it's offered. I'm not here to fill your
tank when
you need it. If you choose to not take me up on the offer when
it's
made, then you forfeit that gas money. But maybe I'm the crazy
one.
I've yet to have non-family members do anything so crazy. In
fact, the
whole six weeks Declan was in the NICU, the only person we had
reliable
transportation from was a friend. He even offered to get us in
the
middle of the night if necessary, and he was, and still is, the
only
person to refuse our money.
So needless to say, if we had problems finding rides to get up to
hospital to visit our newborn, you can imagine what it's like
finding
rides for shopping or doctor visits or activities.
And I know I'm only 32, but I've lerned to never say never. I've
changed
a lot even since my mid and late 20's. Most for the good, but I
don't
think 22 year-old Bridgit would totally recognize 32-year-old
Bridgit.
I've learned a lot, grown a lot and made a lot of discoveries
along the
way. One of the big ones being that I'm worth a lot more as a
person
than I use to think, and that I can have a voice and share
opinions and
express my thoughts, and oh yeah, your husband doesn't lose
interest in
you just because you don't wear make-up and sexy clothes every
day,
grin. And you can also do certain bodily functions that all
humans do
and still have you're your partner be maddly in love with you,
LOL!
Bridgit
-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
Applebutter Hill
Sent: Monday, February 03, 2014 2:20 PM
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's my attempt
atbeingtactiletothefolkswhowanteverything for nothing
After our experience with neighbors and friends around here being
so
willing to drive us places, I think I could (or already have
really)
built up such a network that I wouldn't have to rely on one
person for
everything. Often, I can get a ride with someone going to town
anyway
and if I'm not coming back at the same time they are, there's
someone
else who can pick me up on their way home from work. For jobs
though,
I'd have to insist that they take some payment. They've been
impossible
about that; they don't even want gas money
-- we managed to sneak a couple of $20s into one of those little
compartments in the center console of the gal who did so much for
us.
I have a hard time with thinking about moving from here. I'm a
real
home-body, and with the pond and the gingerbread-style pond
shelter that
Rich built, well, I don't think it would be easy. On the other
hand,
everyone's getting Lyme disease and it's virtually impossible to
really
prevent it. I never say never though, because I know that there
are
things I swore I'd never do at certain points of my life, and
then I
ended up changing my mind -- like cancer treatments for instance.
Donna
-----Original
Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
Bridgit
Pollpeter
Sent: Sunday, February 02, 2014 1:13 AM
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's my attempt at
beingtactiletothefolkswhowanteverything for nothing
Seriously though, you don't need a live-in chauffeur or full-time
driver, but you could advertise for a driver and establish what
days and
times you may call upon a person to drive and settle upon a
payment
that's reasonable to both parties. You could even have a couple
of
drivers at your disposal. Say Mike can drive every Tuesday if
necessary
and Carol can drive every other Saturday between 10 am and 2 pm.
Then
you can make arrangements around those days and times. I mean,
it's a
possible option.
Bridgit
-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
Applebutter Hill
Sent: Saturday, February 01, 2014 5:19 PM
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's my attempt at being
tactiletothefolkswhowanteverything for nothing
Lynda,
Yes, the full-time driver could live with the rest of the castle
staff.*grin*
Donna
-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
Lynda
Lambert
Sent: Saturday, February 01, 2014 6:08 PM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's my attempt at being tactile
tothefolkswhowanteverything for nothing
This would be my situation, too, living on the opposite side of
PA. The
only cab here would be about an hours drive from where we live.
So, it
isn't possible at all. I guess one solution would be to have a
full
time driver, and keep him in a carriage house on the property -
at my
beck and call. haha just kidding about that. Lynda
----- Original Message -----
From: "Applebutter Hill" <applebutterhill at gmail.com
To: "'Writer's Division Mailing List'" <stylist at nfbnet.org
Sent: Saturday, February 01, 2014 3:18 PM
Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's my attempt at being tactile to
thefolkswhowanteverything for nothing
Bridgit,
While a cab is definitely an option in many cases, it is not for
us. A
cab from here in the sticks to Wilkes-Barre would be well over
$100
each way, and there is only one cab in Tunkhannock, our closest
real
town, which is a half hour away -- it doesn't operate after
6p.m..
I tried responding to several folks who wrote in about my
response a
week ago, but the messages sat in my Out Box and never got sent.
Hoping I have better luck with this. *grin* Donna
-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
Bridgit
Pollpeter
Sent: Saturday, January 25, 2014 1:43 PM
To: 'Writer's Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's my attempt at being tactile to
thefolkswhowant everything for nothing
If the university is willing to pay, a cab is an option, and
this way
no person has to take a day or afternoon to drive. Just
throwing out
options.
A
bus may be another option, though a bus certainly isn't the most
convenient option.
Bridgit
-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of
Lynda
Lambert
Sent: Saturday, January 25, 2014 7:38 AM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's my attempt at being tactile to the
folkswhowant everything for nothing
Yes, this is very important. People just do not realize at all
that it
takes something more than just getting in our car and leaving
home so
that we can be somewhere. Not only is it our time, it is
someone
else's time. When I go to the pottery studio to work, it is an
hour
long dive each way. Then, I am there 3-4 hours working. That
is a six
hour day for TWO people, plus all the expenses involved that
April
listed. Not only is it very inconvenient for the person who is
taking
us places, it is expensive, too. This is our reality and one
that a
sighted person would never even think about for a
second.
Lynda
----- Original Message -----
From: "April Brown" <aprilbrownshade at gmail.com
To: <stylist at nfbnet.org
Sent: Saturday, January 25, 2014 6:53 AM
Subject: Re: [stylist] Here's my attempt at being tactile to the
folks
whowant everything for nothing
Hi Donna,
I think it's great. I'd emphasize one line though.
"I have to get someone else to drive." Emphasize that you have
to
pay them out of pocket for time, gas, and wear and tear on the
car.
Congrats!
April Brown
Writing dramatic adventure novels uncovering the myths we hide
behind.
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