[stylist] Thea - baklava

[Chris Kuell]

Hi Thea,

A belated welcome to the group.

I enjoyed reading your mini restaurant review from a blind person's 
perspective, although I hope you didn't dissect that second piece of 
baklava. I used to work for a Greek, and his wife made baklava from hand 
every now and then (as you can imagine, it took all day) and it's really 
meant to be savored all at once. In fact, I'd love to have some right now!

If you don't mind a little feedback, I found the beginning of your piece a 
little clunky. You wrote:

Description: On the first above-zero day in March, I crawled out of my shell
and visited Terry’s restaurant and Bar on 120 Ellesmere.

I left the medical building on 120 Ellesmere, in Scarborough, and walked a
few steps. The cool, sunny air sent waves of savory come-ons. I walked into
the first restaurant, where the come-on was the most savory, and the
closest.


I don't think you need the word 'description, as it becomes evident as we 
read. Secondly, you leave the same building you enter, so do you really need 
to mention where you were leaving? Or might you simply say--I left an 
appointment on Ellesmere, and followed my nose. Fortunately for me, I didn't 
have to travel far before Terry's Restaurant and Bar savory scent lured me 
in... or something like that. Lastly, and this is probably just me, but as 
an editor I try to discourage repetition. So you might change one of your 
'savory come ons' to something different. Try it, and see if you like it.

Thanks for sharing, and for whetting my appetite.

chris