[stylist] Thea - baklava

[Applebutter Hill]

Chris & Thea,
Darn you both! All this talk about baklava! When I lived in Philadelphia, a
friend had a chees shop and got homemade baklava in regularly. It was so
delicious! I have used Filo dough to make spanakopita, but never tried
baklava. Come to think of it, I might have some in the freezer, and I know I
have tons of honey.
Donna

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Chris Kuell
Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2014 6:14 PM
To: Writer's Division Mailing List
Subject: Re: [stylist] Thea - baklava

Hi Thea,

A belated welcome to the group.

I enjoyed reading your mini restaurant review from a blind person's
perspective, although I hope you didn't dissect that second piece of
baklava. I used to work for a Greek, and his wife made baklava from hand
every now and then (as you can imagine, it took all day) and it's really
meant to be savored all at once. In fact, I'd love to have some right now!

If you don't mind a little feedback, I found the beginning of your piece a
little clunky. You wrote:

Description: On the first above-zero day in March, I crawled out of my shell
and visited Terry's restaurant and Bar on 120 Ellesmere.

I left the medical building on 120 Ellesmere, in Scarborough, and walked a
few steps. The cool, sunny air sent waves of savory come-ons. I walked into
the first restaurant, where the come-on was the most savory, and the
closest.


I don't think you need the word 'description, as it becomes evident as we
read. Secondly, you leave the same building you enter, so do you really need
to mention where you were leaving? Or might you simply say--I left an
appointment on Ellesmere, and followed my nose. Fortunately for me, I didn't
have to travel far before Terry's Restaurant and Bar savory scent lured me
in... or something like that. Lastly, and this is probably just me, but as
an editor I try to discourage repetition. So you might change one of your
'savory come ons' to something different. Try it, and see if you like it.

Thanks for sharing, and for whetting my appetite.

chris




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