[stylist] Ode To There-There

[William L Houts]

HI Thea,

For something you merely "dashed off", this one has a lot to recommend 
it, though I think that some editing could really serve to bring out 
this poem's strengths.  For instance, I think the phrase "sightless 
hands" --now other editor-poets may disagree with me on this-- is not 
the best phrase.  The reader, or anyway this reader, says:  well, of 
course they're sightless, we're talking about hands here, LOL.  But the 
description of the cat's ears as "silkies" is delightful.  I do think, 
though, that to describe your little friend as feline is redundant with 
repititive redundancies;  your description of the silky, swiveling ears 
already puts us in mind of our kitty friends, we don't need a further 
"feline" to clinch the deal. As for the earlike sound effects, I'm not a 
fan of onomatopoeia in poetry, but you did choose the right sounds, in 
my opinion, and I have to admit that cat's ears do make that thappish 
fuffish sound when they ruffle them, so we each score half a point.  In 
general, Thea, it's a fun and valorous effort, and you'll make a true 
poet of yourself if you can stay the course, and continue to produce 
works like this.


--Bill


  --Bill







On 3/16/2014 5:11 PM, Miss Thea wrote:
> Something I dashed off, hope you like it. I haven’t written poetry in a while, but I like the musical of consonant and vowel.
>
> Ode to There-There
>
> He sits at my side like a guide dog,
> Small and feline,
> His ears pricked up.
>
> My sightless hand finds those thin-tipped silkies,
> They fall underneath,
> Flap and flutter against my skin,
> thapp-a-papp-papp they say,
>
> Thapp, thapp, thapp,
> He brushes his swivelling ears over my palm.
> Pap-pap-papp!
> Firecracker sound, butterfly touch,
> He rolls on the floor,
> Side to side, his earflaps flattened
> He grabs my hands in his paws,
> purrs, pretends to bite
>
> Writhing, stretching his sleek neck,
> Lithe, limber, his flaps flex again
> Purr so loud it squeaks.
> I melt in adoration
>
> Oh, There-There, I know your truth,
> You're no more a cat than I am,
> Your secret's safe with me,
> Angel.
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-- 
"Let's drink a toast now to who we really are."

           --Jane Siberry