[stylist] BP Sharing writing
Chris Kuell via stylist
stylist at nfbnet.org
Mon May 26 17:37:48 UTC 2014
Hey Bridgit,
This was very interesting--thanks for sharing. I'm not sure where you are
going with it, but it's an interesting beginning. My primary critique is
about how you use 'they' and 'their' for the singular being. Perhaps you
meant to do this on purpose, intending the reader know it's not really a
single entity, but a representation of 'others', but it tripped me up when
reading.
My other feedback is that you rely a lot on colors in this snipet.Do we
really need to know what colors her walls and comforter are, or would it be
better to know they are familiar, warm, soft, and smell like home?
Keep at it, and thanks again for sharing.
chris
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