[stylist] my memoir piece, "Faye"

[Chris Kuell]

Hey Vejas,

Firstly, thanks for sharing something that is pretty personal. That isn't
easy for most folks, myself included, so kudos to you.

As for your writing, my initial impression is that this piece is all
telling--meaning you are telling us about you, and about Fay. And that's
fine, but it can get a little boring. Another form would be more like what
Bridgit did--not exactly--but to weave in creative 'showing' along with your
narrative. By this, I mean take sections of what you have out, and replace
them with writing that is much like fiction, but generally true. For
example:

With my lunch tray tucked against my hip, I tapped over towards the door. I
heard a familiar laugh, which pulled me closer. "Hey Fay," I said.

"Hi Vejas," she said in her typically friendly tone.

"Would you like to sit with me over there?" I did a head nod over to the
corner where nobody ever sat.

"Why?" she said. I couldn't tell if her tone was colder, or if she was just
puzzled.

You can see how this type of writing is more engaging to the reader. You
don't want to do it all this way, as it would be too long and get boring as
well., But, a combination of showing and narration works well with memoir
type pieces.

Lastly--are you sure you didn't have a crush on Fay?

Smile.

Chris