[stylist] sharing a short story

[Chris Kuell]

Hi Bonnie,

I think you have a really good story here, so congrats on getting second
place in the MnL contest. You have created a character we care about; you
have conflict, tension and resolution; and the protagonist changes. These
are the components of a good short story. So nice work.

Since you asked for feedback, I'll share a couple of thoughts. Primarily,
I'd suggest you review your comma rules, as I noticed many places in this
piece where there should have been a comma. One thing that can help with
this, as well as some of your sentences which don't flow well, is to read
your work out loud to yourself. If you pause naturally, you probably need
punctuation. It will also feel clunky in your mouth or to your ear, which
means the sentence needs revision. 

Aside from that, there are only a couple of little things. For example, okay
should be spelled out. And when editing, look to see if you can make your
'ing' verbs more active. He walked is more active than he was walking.    

This was a very good story, Bonnie, and I think your next will be even
better. Thanks for sharing with us.

Chris