[stylist] The Erasure Poem

Jackie Williams jackieleepoet at cox.net
Fri Jun 19 23:03:44 UTC 2015 

Lynda,
Somehow, you never got the poem I sent Bill. I opened your website and read about your poem and realized it was the same method as mine. Mine was n assignment from my poetry class, and I changed it simply using the idea. I am attaching it and also copying it herein.
An explanation of the form, and its opposite, the black-out poem, is at the end of the poem
It is depressing, but also the truth of what happens..

Not One of Us is Free From the Erasure

“Poetry… emotion recalled in tranquility.”
Hogwash. Emotion recollected in rage, in grief,
in loneliness, in erasures, the frustration 
of memories lost—the final content of our poetry.

Erasures of body parts that no longer work— 
the hidden control of the bladder and bowels,
fingers no longer holding tight, knees no longer 
lifting us, taste buds making everything taste bland.

Erasures put together—treasured moments—
a life in passing, hearing the details that cause laughter,
seeing the fine-tuned expression on a loved-one’s face, 
to hear that wail—the soul of the Blues, a throbbing boogie beat, 

but not having the balance to dance and move to the beat.
No transportation to beloved activities—
concerts, jazz festivals, debates, ballets.
No end to shrinking telomeres, non-functioning synapses.

Erasures of attention—things you want to learn and know 
turn to daydreams and drifting memories— 
the poet’s view of words, the fast-moving loss of them 
steals names of persons, things and places. 

If an erasure is erasing parts of myself to create 
something new and original, then God is picking 
through my after-life. Plagiarism is not far behind.
If this is a new form of poetry, it will not be mine.

Jacqueline Williams	April, 2015	24 lines

About This Poem

Our teacher used a handout from Writer’s Digest by Robert Lee Brewer about the poetic form named Erasure. You erase the parts of the poem that inspire you and make a new poem of them. In researching this further, I found the flip side of this is a “Blackout” poem. Here you leave the original piece of work that you want and blackout the rest. You must observe the 50% rule and name the source. 
I used this form, instead, as an extended metaphor for what happens in old age. While depressing, if you live long enough, it is the truth.
One could instead, use all of those erased parts and write a wonderful Eulogy. In either case, it is not plagiarism. 
 

Jackie Lee

Time is the school in which we learn.
Time is the fire in which we burn.
Delmore Schwartz	 

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Lynda Lambert via stylist
Sent: Friday, June 19, 2015 1:29 PM
To: Writers' Division Mailing List
Cc: Lynda Lambert
Subject: Re: [stylist] The Disappearing Poem

oops! I forgot to include the link for it. Here it is:

http://lyndalambert.com/disappearing-poem-writing-assignment-23/


-----Original Message----- 
From: Lynda Lambert via stylist
Sent: Friday, June 19, 2015 12:54 PM
To: Writers' Division Mailing List
Cc: Lynda Lambert
Subject: Re: [stylist] The Disappearing Poem

Since I am having some issues with the computer today, I will tag this on a
piece I  received and responded to earlier today.

For some members who would like to do some experimental poetry - here is a
great one that anyone  can do and end up with something pretty cool  This
poem form was published today on  *Walking by Inner Vision* - the 23rd
writing project in the series of fifty that will be on the blog this year.
With special *thanks* to *Trevelocity.com*  for the inspiration they sent
out in the email I received yesterday. Have a great weekend everyone! Lynda

-----Original Message----- 
From: Jackie Williams via stylist
Sent: Friday, June 19, 2015 11:42 AM
To: 'Writers' Division Mailing List'
Cc: Jackie Williams
Subject: Re: [stylist] poem revisions, as per your request

Barbara,
I hope you can open this attachment. I will also cut and paste it below and
hope it comes out in the proper format. I used m dashes for the checking off
of the points you are critiquing for.
I gave a three hour workshop for my poetry group, and the feedback was that
it was the most valuable lesson they had ever had. The material came from a
long article in "The Writer Magazine," so all I can take credit for is
condensing it to manageable and more comprehensible form. I think I have
credited the author in this handout, but I also gave the class her original
article, all four pages of it.
If there are terms you do not understand, Google and study them
I have simplified her points for your check list.

— Is the subject widely relevant and accessible?

— Big issue; love, peace—original treatment?

— Is the poem framed? By Title, ending, metaphor, or other device?

— Does the form of the poem seem to fit the content and structure? We
have had many forms assigned lately. A good question to ask ourselves.

— If the poem is rhymed, does it sound forced? Is enjambment used to
help avoid this problem? Are archaic words, or inversions  used to make the
rhyme to fit the form?

— Does the reader stumble over the rhythm or meter of a poem?

— Capitalization and punctuation. Does something like an over-used
m-dash bother you?

— Underline and think about getting rid of profuse articles (and, but,
etc.)adjectives, pronouns and adverbs.
Remember, each adjective weakens a noun, each adverb weakens a verb. Hard
for me to learn!

— Unless a specific category, be hesitant about a visual presentation.
I have been guilty of this. Will fix them back to their original asap.

— Do you see any clichés? Make something different.

— Can you identify a metaphor or simile? Internally consistent?

— Word Choice: Appropriate? Ask Georgia. Look up other synonyms.

— Showing or telling. Another difficult skill to get the hang of.
Which do you see in the poem you are reading?

— Do all the elements mentioned above hang together?
(If we knew all this, would we have to be here?)


Number the ones that concern you yourself. Prioritize, then try to use them
consistently when you re-write your first draft.

Here is the title and author of the long article.

Critiquing Poetry (Including Your Own
by Gwyneth Box

Jackie Lee

Revision is the school in which we learn.
Revision is the fire in which we burn.
After Delmore Schwartz

-----Original Message-----
From: Barbara HAMMEL [mailto:poetlori8 at msn.com]
Sent: Thursday, June 18, 2015 8:26 PM
To: Writers' Division Mailing List
Cc: Jackie Williams
Subject: Re: [stylist] poem revisions

Please do, Jackie. Even if I choose not to revise after all, others may
benefit and they could be things I can think about when I write henceforth.
I need to do something because I'm just stuck. I like to write at least one
poem a month but whether it's because emotions are running too deep around
here or just what, I missed last month. No, I'll never become a published
writer of any proliferation unless I do it myself and sell to my friends or
something. Yet, there is a part of me that always wanted to be a famous
poet. I don't have a thick enough skin for that, though.

Barbara
Sent from my iPhone

> On Jun 18, 2015, at 22:14, Jackie Williams via stylist
<stylist at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>
> Barbara,
> You really struck a note in your questions about revisions, and you have
> many excellent ideas for doing this.
> My suggestion is that you first  ask yourself why you keep writing poetry.

> If your primary goal is to be published, you will definitely want to
revise,
> tweak, change titles, or last lines in order to be able to keep submitting
> that poem.
> If you are writing because you just love writing, need an outlet, and want
> to protect exactly what your outlet was, you can just keep writing new
poems
> using what you have learned. Keep organizing them as you have.
> If you simply want to leave all of your thoughts to your family, all of
your
> organizing might be discouraging to someone looking for your work in your
> computer.
> If you choose to revise many of those you have, you could use just the
most
> important of your folders, perhaps combine  the original title, date,
first
> revision and new date. One extra item that is all important to me is
putting
> the line length in the title. There is a limit to this in all poetry
> contests.
> I would encourage you to spend your valuable time to submit what you feel
> your best poems are.
> As far as where you start in revision, I can send you and all a list of
> everything one looks for in critiquing a poem, and you can follow that
list
> and check them off one by one,  or just pick one or two items.. I will not
> do this unless requested as one needs to want the critiquing first.
>
> Jackie Lee
>
> Poetry is a school in which we learn.
> Poetry is the fire in which we burn.
> After Delmore Schwartz
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Barbara
> HAMMEL via stylist
> Sent: Thursday, June 18, 2015 3:25 PM
> To: Pagan Tree
> Cc: Barbara HAMMEL; Writers' Division Mailing List
> Subject: Re: [stylist] poem revisions
>
> It was Picasso who had the blue phase but how do I even go about
approaching
> them? They insist that they don't want to change. I suppose breaking
lines?
> Equaling out syllables in lines? Ooo! Get a thesaurus and change all the
> words? (Where would I find one of those for my iPhone?) I'm getting
excited
> about trying this but that whole folder of them is still screaming "leave
us
> alone!" LOL!
>
> Sent from my iPhone
>
>> On Jun 18, 2015, at 16:45, Pagan Tree <3rdeyeonly at gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>> Barbara, Another thing to think about, as if you do not have enough
> already, is the many directions rewrites could go. Sometimes I draft
> something because a particular line or thought has come to mind. I return
to
> it at a later time and it goes in a direction I did not originally plan.
> Maybe I will again, later, return to original draft and it will go in a
> completely different direction.
>> In other words, one initial thought could be the basis for creating
> multiple pieces, whether poetry or stories.
>> It is kind of kin to a series of paintings that follow a theme, a
> collection of works. For example Van Gogh's Blue Period. He started with
the
> idea of 'blue' and it manifested in multiple forms. Your poetry is just as
> fluid.
>> This does not help with your organization issues, but have fun with it
and
> go where the wind takes you.
>> Eve
>>
>>> On Thu, Jun 18, 2015 at 2:06 PM, Barbara HAMMEL via stylist
> <stylist at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>> See, and the problem falls that I abhor change in my life and that
> carries over to my writing. Good idea a copyright dates. I could either
call
> the new one title (revised) or call the old one title (draft). I like
that.
> Now I just have to free my mind to do it.
>>> Barbara
>>>
>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>
>>>> On Jun 18, 2015, at 15:42, Lynda Lambert via stylist
> <stylist at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>>>
>>>> OH, I love this, Bill!  - your quote," I've adopted a kind of joyful
>>>> bloodymindedness about it all, so there's not even a twinge of pain
>>>> about doing this."
>>>>
>>>> I do this kind of rewriting and editing often, and it's not unusual for
> me to work on something for months at a time...after all poetry is a
*craft
> * and I have that joyful feeling Bill speaks of when I am CRAFTING my
> writing possibilities as I work on them.  I call them *works* for that is
> what they are - constructions as WCW would call them.  We create, build,
> tear down, build more, and tear into them again and again - until the new
> essence is found. It is a great feeling.
>>>>
>>>> This note from Bill is a keeper - it's all about the growth of the
> person as well as the poem. It's about change, and livingness, and fresh
> thoughts and ideas. bill, I just loved this post - you reflect my thought
on
> it.
>>>> Barbara, one thing that can be done is to do the copyright with the new
> date on the newly revised poem  In my chronology, I will write both dates
on
> the poem if I still call it by the same title.  I can tell by the
copyright
> date with is the old one and which is the new one. but, often I revise it
so
> drastically it gets a new title, too.  Lynda
>>>>
>>>> -----Original Message----- From: William L Houts via stylist
>>>> Sent: Thursday, June 18, 2015 1:27 PM
>>>> To: stylist at nfbnet.org
>>>> Cc: William L Houts
>>>> Subject: Re: [stylist] poem revisions
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> HI Barbara,
>>>>
>>>> I make a kind of game out of my revisions.  Sometimes, I'll just cruise
>>>> through my poetry folder ("Cosmos") and rnandomly give a once over to
>>>> one or even several poems; just eyeball them to see how I feel days,
>>>> weeks or months after first writing them. Gradually, over time, all of
>>>> myh poems get at least minor revisions, and over the long haul they all
>>>> get at least two or three overhauls.  I've adopted a kind of joyful
>>>> bloodymindedness about it all, so there's not even a twinge of pain
>>>> about doing this, and I feel that my poetry in general really does
>>>> improve with time.  I used to be very squeamish and protective about my
>>>> stuff, and had a real case of the horrors when it came to editing.  But
>>>> now I really enjoy the process  and my work in general has, I feel,
>>>> improved. My advice is to keep in mind that Word documents (or
>>>> Wordperfect or what have you) exist in order to be revised.  It's so
>>>> easy to delete, and almost as easy to rewrite, to commit new thoughts
> to
>>>> the page that there's no reason to sufferthrough the process.  Just
>>>> remember that hope springs eternal --and so does poetry.  >grin<
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> --Bill
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>> On 6/18/2015 9:36 AM, Barbara HAMMEL via stylist wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>> I know, for years I've been saying I was going to try revising my
> poems. As you know, I have always thought a poem complete and the way it
was
> meant to be until you fine folks informed me that improvements could be
made
> on them. But, somehow, I can't bring myself to do it because it would mess
> up my extensively organized folders by doing that. My question is, do you
> then count a revised poem as a new one? You'll probably tell me it's up to
> me what I do but I need help tricking my brain because if I rewrite
> something, seems to me it should have a new date. I have actually sorted
my
> poems into ones I want to work on revising and which are too personal or
too
> awful or stupid to waste my time improving on.
>>>>> Barbara
>>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>>> _______________________________________________
>>>>> Writers Division web site
>>>>> http://writers.nfb.org/
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>>>>
>>>>
>>>> --
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> "Oh, Sophie!  Whyfore have you eated all de cheeldren?"
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> _______________________________________________
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