[stylist] Barbara, Disappearing Poem

Sat Jun 20 12:58:06 UTC 2015

So nice to read the message from Barbara and Jackie when I turned on the 
computer this morning. I just returned from walking the dogs - we cut our 3 
mile walk down to 1/12 miles as it is beginning to rain. Now I will settle 
in for the day, see what is here on the emails, and then get started on my 
work in the studio - scheduled for exhibition in less than 2 weeks and not 
yet finished with it.
Barbara, this would be a good way to begin thinking of how to go back and 
edit a previous work you created -0 or- start with anything else you have in 
mind. I was thinking of writing this lesson and on that day I decided my 
best way to go would be to check my email and find an advertisement in that 
day's mail - and use it.  It was the Travelocity E-mail that I chose because 
I have traveled a lot and used Travelocity many times for my reservations. 
Perfect!  I thought. I know that revision frightens you, but it's just 
because you have not done it much. Once you start to take just a few "Little 
Steps" in that direction, you will be excited to see how it will give your 
poems a boost. This is why I started the Walking by Inner vision Journal 
project on that blog - to help anyone who may be interested in beginning a 
personal journey with writing - and I break it down into "little steps" that 
anyone can begin working with.  Have fun most of all. Lynda

-----Original Message----- 
From: Barbara HAMMEL via stylist
Sent: Friday, June 19, 2015 8:15 PM
To: Writers' Division Mailing List
Cc: Barbara HAMMEL
Subject: Re: [stylist] The Erasure Poem

I'm going to try this with a poem I wrote that has MUCH repetition. My son 
who talks a little always loved to chant "There's the sun, there's the sun, 
there's the sun." So I'm starting by removing those words and I'll see where 
it goes from there.
Barbara

Sent from my iPhone

> On Jun 19, 2015, at 18:39, Jackie Williams via stylist 
> <stylist at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>
> Lynda,
> Somehow, you never got the poem I sent Bill. I opened your website and 
> read about your poem and realized it was the same method as mine. Mine was 
> n assignment from my poetry class, and I changed it simply using the idea. 
> I am attaching it and also copying it herein.
> An explanation of the form, and its opposite, the black-out poem, is at 
> the end of the poem
> It is depressing, but also the truth of what happens..
>
> Not One of Us is Free From the Erasure
>
> “Poetry… emotion recalled in tranquility.”
> Hogwash. Emotion recollected in rage, in grief,
> in loneliness, in erasures, the frustration
> of memories lost—the final content of our poetry.
>
> Erasures of body parts that no longer work—
> the hidden control of the bladder and bowels,
> fingers no longer holding tight, knees no longer
> lifting us, taste buds making everything taste bland.
>
> Erasures put together—treasured moments—
> a life in passing, hearing the details that cause laughter,
> seeing the fine-tuned expression on a loved-one’s face,
> to hear that wail—the soul of the Blues, a throbbing boogie beat,
>
> but not having the balance to dance and move to the beat.
> No transportation to beloved activities—
> concerts, jazz festivals, debates, ballets.
> No end to shrinking telomeres, non-functioning synapses.
>
> Erasures of attention—things you want to learn and know
> turn to daydreams and drifting memories—
> the poet’s view of words, the fast-moving loss of them
> steals names of persons, things and places.
>
> If an erasure is erasing parts of myself to create
> something new and original, then God is picking
> through my after-life. Plagiarism is not far behind.
> If this is a new form of poetry, it will not be mine.
>
> Jacqueline Williams    April, 2015    24 lines
>
> About This Poem
>
> Our teacher used a handout from Writer’s Digest by Robert Lee Brewer about 
> the poetic form named Erasure. You erase the parts of the poem that 
> inspire you and make a new poem of them. In researching this further, I 
> found the flip side of this is a “Blackout” poem. Here you leave the 
> original piece of work that you want and blackout the rest. You must 
> observe the 50% rule and name the source.
> I used this form, instead, as an extended metaphor for what happens in old 
> age. While depressing, if you live long enough, it is the truth.
> One could instead, use all of those erased parts and write a wonderful 
> Eulogy. In either case, it is not plagiarism.
>
>
> Jackie Lee
>
> Time is the school in which we learn.
> Time is the fire in which we burn.
> Delmore Schwartz
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Lynda 
> Lambert via stylist
> Sent: Friday, June 19, 2015 1:29 PM
> To: Writers' Division Mailing List
> Cc: Lynda Lambert
> Subject: Re: [stylist] The Disappearing Poem
>
> oops! I forgot to include the link for it. Here it is:
>
> http://lyndalambert.com/disappearing-poem-writing-assignment-23/
>
>
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Lynda Lambert via stylist
> Sent: Friday, June 19, 2015 12:54 PM
> To: Writers' Division Mailing List
> Cc: Lynda Lambert
> Subject: Re: [stylist] The Disappearing Poem
>
> Since I am having some issues with the computer today, I will tag this on 
> a
> piece I  received and responded to earlier today.
>
> For some members who would like to do some experimental poetry - here is a
> great one that anyone  can do and end up with something pretty cool  This
> poem form was published today on  *Walking by Inner Vision* - the 23rd
> writing project in the series of fifty that will be on the blog this year.
> With special *thanks* to *Trevelocity.com*  for the inspiration they sent
> out in the email I received yesterday. Have a great weekend everyone! 
> Lynda
>
> -----Original Message----- 
> From: Jackie Williams via stylist
> Sent: Friday, June 19, 2015 11:42 AM
> To: 'Writers' Division Mailing List'
> Cc: Jackie Williams
> Subject: Re: [stylist] poem revisions, as per your request
>
> Barbara,
> I hope you can open this attachment. I will also cut and paste it below 
> and
> hope it comes out in the proper format. I used m dashes for the checking 
> off
> of the points you are critiquing for.
> I gave a three hour workshop for my poetry group, and the feedback was 
> that
> it was the most valuable lesson they had ever had. The material came from 
> a
> long article in "The Writer Magazine," so all I can take credit for is
> condensing it to manageable and more comprehensible form. I think I have
> credited the author in this handout, but I also gave the class her 
> original
> article, all four pages of it.
> If there are terms you do not understand, Google and study them
> I have simplified her points for your check list.
>
> — Is the subject widely relevant and accessible?
>
> — Big issue; love, peace—original treatment?
>
> — Is the poem framed? By Title, ending, metaphor, or other device?
>
> — Does the form of the poem seem to fit the content and structure? We
> have had many forms assigned lately. A good question to ask ourselves.
>
> — If the poem is rhymed, does it sound forced? Is enjambment used to
> help avoid this problem? Are archaic words, or inversions  used to make 
> the
> rhyme to fit the form?
>
> — Does the reader stumble over the rhythm or meter of a poem?
>
> — Capitalization and punctuation. Does something like an over-used
> m-dash bother you?
>
> — Underline and think about getting rid of profuse articles (and, but,
> etc.)adjectives, pronouns and adverbs.
> Remember, each adjective weakens a noun, each adverb weakens a verb. Hard
> for me to learn!
>
> — Unless a specific category, be hesitant about a visual presentation.
> I have been guilty of this. Will fix them back to their original asap.
>
> — Do you see any clichés? Make something different.
>
> — Can you identify a metaphor or simile? Internally consistent?
>
> — Word Choice: Appropriate? Ask Georgia. Look up other synonyms.
>
> — Showing or telling. Another difficult skill to get the hang of.
> Which do you see in the poem you are reading?
>
> — Do all the elements mentioned above hang together?
> (If we knew all this, would we have to be here?)
>
>
> Number the ones that concern you yourself. Prioritize, then try to use 
> them
> consistently when you re-write your first draft.
>
> Here is the title and author of the long article.
>
> Critiquing Poetry (Including Your Own
> by Gwyneth Box
>
> Jackie Lee
>
> Revision is the school in which we learn.
> Revision is the fire in which we burn.
> After Delmore Schwartz
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Barbara HAMMEL [mailto:poetlori8 at msn.com]
> Sent: Thursday, June 18, 2015 8:26 PM
> To: Writers' Division Mailing List
> Cc: Jackie Williams
> Subject: Re: [stylist] poem revisions
>
> Please do, Jackie. Even if I choose not to revise after all, others may
> benefit and they could be things I can think about when I write 
> henceforth.
> I need to do something because I'm just stuck. I like to write at least 
> one
> poem a month but whether it's because emotions are running too deep around
> here or just what, I missed last month. No, I'll never become a published
> writer of any proliferation unless I do it myself and sell to my friends 
> or
> something. Yet, there is a part of me that always wanted to be a famous
> poet. I don't have a thick enough skin for that, though.
>
> Barbara
> Sent from my iPhone
>
>>> On Jun 18, 2015, at 22:14, Jackie Williams via stylist
>> <stylist at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>
>> Barbara,
>> You really struck a note in your questions about revisions, and you have
>> many excellent ideas for doing this.
>> My suggestion is that you first  ask yourself why you keep writing 
>> poetry.
>
>> If your primary goal is to be published, you will definitely want to
> revise,
>> tweak, change titles, or last lines in order to be able to keep 
>> submitting
>> that poem.
>> If you are writing because you just love writing, need an outlet, and 
>> want
>> to protect exactly what your outlet was, you can just keep writing new
> poems
>> using what you have learned. Keep organizing them as you have.
>> If you simply want to leave all of your thoughts to your family, all of
> your
>> organizing might be discouraging to someone looking for your work in your
>> computer.
>> If you choose to revise many of those you have, you could use just the
> most
>> important of your folders, perhaps combine  the original title, date,
> first
>> revision and new date. One extra item that is all important to me is
> putting
>> the line length in the title. There is a limit to this in all poetry
>> contests.
>> I would encourage you to spend your valuable time to submit what you feel
>> your best poems are.
>> As far as where you start in revision, I can send you and all a list of
>> everything one looks for in critiquing a poem, and you can follow that
> list
>> and check them off one by one,  or just pick one or two items.. I will 
>> not
>> do this unless requested as one needs to want the critiquing first.
>>
>> Jackie Lee
>>
>> Poetry is a school in which we learn.
>> Poetry is the fire in which we burn.
>> After Delmore Schwartz
>>
>> -----Original Message-----
>> From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Barbara
>> HAMMEL via stylist
>> Sent: Thursday, June 18, 2015 3:25 PM
>> To: Pagan Tree
>> Cc: Barbara HAMMEL; Writers' Division Mailing List
>> Subject: Re: [stylist] poem revisions
>>
>> It was Picasso who had the blue phase but how do I even go about
> approaching
>> them? They insist that they don't want to change. I suppose breaking
> lines?
>> Equaling out syllables in lines? Ooo! Get a thesaurus and change all the
>> words? (Where would I find one of those for my iPhone?) I'm getting
> excited
>> about trying this but that whole folder of them is still screaming "leave
> us
>> alone!" LOL!
>>
>> Sent from my iPhone
>>
>>> On Jun 18, 2015, at 16:45, Pagan Tree <3rdeyeonly at gmail.com> wrote:
>>>
>>> Barbara, Another thing to think about, as if you do not have enough
>> already, is the many directions rewrites could go. Sometimes I draft
>> something because a particular line or thought has come to mind. I return
> to
>> it at a later time and it goes in a direction I did not originally plan.
>> Maybe I will again, later, return to original draft and it will go in a
>> completely different direction.
>>> In other words, one initial thought could be the basis for creating
>> multiple pieces, whether poetry or stories.
>>> It is kind of kin to a series of paintings that follow a theme, a
>> collection of works. For example Van Gogh's Blue Period. He started with
> the
>> idea of 'blue' and it manifested in multiple forms. Your poetry is just 
>> as
>> fluid.
>>> This does not help with your organization issues, but have fun with it
> and
>> go where the wind takes you.
>>> Eve
>>>
>>>> On Thu, Jun 18, 2015 at 2:06 PM, Barbara HAMMEL via stylist
>> <stylist at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>>> See, and the problem falls that I abhor change in my life and that
>> carries over to my writing. Good idea a copyright dates. I could either
> call
>> the new one title (revised) or call the old one title (draft). I like
> that.
>> Now I just have to free my mind to do it.
>>>> Barbara
>>>>
>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>>
>>>>> On Jun 18, 2015, at 15:42, Lynda Lambert via stylist
>> <stylist at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>>>>
>>>>> OH, I love this, Bill!  - your quote," I've adopted a kind of joyful
>>>>> bloodymindedness about it all, so there's not even a twinge of pain
>>>>> about doing this."
>>>>>
>>>>> I do this kind of rewriting and editing often, and it's not unusual 
>>>>> for
>> me to work on something for months at a time...after all poetry is a
> *craft
>> * and I have that joyful feeling Bill speaks of when I am CRAFTING my
>> writing possibilities as I work on them.  I call them *works* for that is
>> what they are - constructions as WCW would call them.  We create, build,
>> tear down, build more, and tear into them again and again - until the new
>> essence is found. It is a great feeling.
>>>>>
>>>>> This note from Bill is a keeper - it's all about the growth of the
>> person as well as the poem. It's about change, and livingness, and fresh
>> thoughts and ideas. bill, I just loved this post - you reflect my thought
> on
>> it.
>>>>> Barbara, one thing that can be done is to do the copyright with the 
>>>>> new
>> date on the newly revised poem  In my chronology, I will write both dates
> on
>> the poem if I still call it by the same title.  I can tell by the
> copyright
>> date with is the old one and which is the new one. but, often I revise it
> so
>> drastically it gets a new title, too.  Lynda
>>>>>
>>>>> -----Original Message----- From: William L Houts via stylist
>>>>> Sent: Thursday, June 18, 2015 1:27 PM
>>>>> To: stylist at nfbnet.org
>>>>> Cc: William L Houts
>>>>> Subject: Re: [stylist] poem revisions
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> HI Barbara,
>>>>>
>>>>> I make a kind of game out of my revisions.  Sometimes, I'll just 
>>>>> cruise
>>>>> through my poetry folder ("Cosmos") and rnandomly give a once over to
>>>>> one or even several poems; just eyeball them to see how I feel days,
>>>>> weeks or months after first writing them. Gradually, over time, all of
>>>>> myh poems get at least minor revisions, and over the long haul they 
>>>>> all
>>>>> get at least two or three overhauls.  I've adopted a kind of joyful
>>>>> bloodymindedness about it all, so there's not even a twinge of pain
>>>>> about doing this, and I feel that my poetry in general really does
>>>>> improve with time.  I used to be very squeamish and protective about 
>>>>> my
>>>>> stuff, and had a real case of the horrors when it came to editing. 
>>>>> But
>>>>> now I really enjoy the process  and my work in general has, I feel,
>>>>> improved. My advice is to keep in mind that Word documents (or
>>>>> Wordperfect or what have you) exist in order to be revised.  It's so
>>>>> easy to delete, and almost as easy to rewrite, to commit new thoughts
>> to
>>>>> the page that there's no reason to sufferthrough the process.  Just
>>>>> remember that hope springs eternal --and so does poetry.  >grin<
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> --Bill
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>>> On 6/18/2015 9:36 AM, Barbara HAMMEL via stylist wrote:
>>>>>>
>>>>>> I know, for years I've been saying I was going to try revising my
>> poems. As you know, I have always thought a poem complete and the way it
> was
>> meant to be until you fine folks informed me that improvements could be
> made
>> on them. But, somehow, I can't bring myself to do it because it would 
>> mess
>> up my extensively organized folders by doing that. My question is, do you
>> then count a revised poem as a new one? You'll probably tell me it's up 
>> to
>> me what I do but I need help tricking my brain because if I rewrite
>> something, seems to me it should have a new date. I have actually sorted
> my
>> poems into ones I want to work on revising and which are too personal or
> too
>> awful or stupid to waste my time improving on.
>>>>>> Barbara
>>>>>> Sent from my iPhone
>>>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> --
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> "Oh, Sophie!  Whyfore have you eated all de cheeldren?"
>>>>>
>>>>>
>>>>> _______________________________________________
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> <None of Us are Free From Erasures.docx>
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