[stylist] story - feedback

[Chris Kuell]

Thanks to everyone who took time to read and comment on the story I posted
on Friday. In my gut, I felt it was too slow, and your comments verified
that. Over the weekend I trimmed about 300 words, and now I'm letting it sit
for a while. I also tried a version where I removed all narrative, just to
see if dialogue only worked, but I felt it didn't. I wanted the little
vignettes to 'show' the father daughter relationship, while at the same
time, weaving in the concept of time and individual lives. It still needs
work, and I appreciate all the feedback.

 

Chris

 

 

I wrote this quite differently than I do most stories, but that's just how
it hit me.