[stylist] story - feedback

[Miss Thea]

Hi, Bridget.
I've always found you to be a thoughtful and kind critic.
I've always enjoyed your suggestions about my writing.



Thea Ramsay
Wellness Coach
Herbalife Distributor
www.GoHerbalife.com/thea-ramsay/en-CA
-----Original Message----- 
From: Bridgit Kuenning-Pollpeter via stylist
Sent: Monday, March 16, 2015 1:48 PM
To: 'Chris Kuell' ; 'Writers' Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] story - feedback

Chris,

You are on a good track, I think. I agree, you need the narration, but I
just think further character development will make this a great piece. As a
parent myself, it resonates with me, so the spark is there, you just need to
fan the flames, smile.

Bridgit

-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Chris Kuell
via stylist
Sent: Monday, March 16, 2015 9:51 AM
To: 'Writers' Division Mailing List'
Subject: Re: [stylist] story - feedback

Thanks to everyone who took time to read and comment on the story I posted
on Friday. In my gut, I felt it was too slow, and your comments verified
that. Over the weekend I trimmed about 300 words, and now I'm letting it sit
for a while. I also tried a version where I removed all narrative, just to
see if dialogue only worked, but I felt it didn't. I wanted the little
vignettes to 'show' the father daughter relationship, while at the same
time, weaving in the concept of time and individual lives. It still needs
work, and I appreciate all the feedback.



Chris





I wrote this quite differently than I do most stories, but that's just how
it hit me.

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