[stylist] {Spam?} first chapter to share

[Chris Kuell]

Hi Tessa,

This is a really good first chapter. Your pacing is good, Fran is an
interesting character, plus a competent blind woman, which naturally appeals
to readers like me. You use enough details without overdoing it, and have
set up an intriguing mystery, which leaves readers wanting to turn the page.
So, really good job.

A couple other comments. You have her thinking she didn't tell her employer
she was blind either 2 or 3 times, which is repetitive and unnecessary. When
she gets off the bus, she takes Ruby by her leash, but wouldn't that be her
harness? You hyphenate email, and while I'm no expert, I think the way it is
currently done is with no hyphen.

I noticed that neither the bus station attendant or his friend asked her
about her blindness. While I understand not wanting to focus on her
blindness, this might be a good spot to 'show' her explaining it. In other
words, in a few sentences she could tell the driver about what she can and
can't see, rather than using internal dialogue as you have. Either way is
okay, but it's a thought I've had. Personally, I've found strangers always
ask me about my blindness, how I lost my sight, and so on. And I'll bet they
always ask about guide dogs as well.

Nice job, and thanks for sharing.

Chris