[stylist] Short Story: "Smart Decisions?"

[Jackie Williams]

Chris,
I did so enjoy your points made about showing and telling.
I have always had a difficult time with narrative without enough showing. It
is nice to have specific examples as a guide.
Thanks for your wonderful critiques.

Jackie Lee

Time is the school in which we learn.
Time is the fire in which we burn.
Delmore Schwartz	 


-----Original Message-----
From: stylist [mailto:stylist-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Chris Kuell
via stylist
Sent: Friday, October 28, 2016 7:20 PM
To: 'Writers' Division Mailing List'
Cc: Chris Kuell
Subject: Re: [stylist] Short Story: "Smart Decisions?"

Vejas,

As I'm sure you know, showing and telling are both essential aspects of a
story. Showing makes scenes come to life and can give the reader subtle
details about the setting, character, emotion, and so on. Telling helps move
the story along, otherwise it would take too long to get anywhere. So, it is
important to find a balance.

Here's a couple of ideas off the top of my head in regards to your story.

Perhaps the protagonist uses his right hand to twist his wedding ring on his
left hand as he first meets the girl. This action tells the reader that
subconsciously, he's thinking about his wife.

You say the girl has blonde hair and blue eyes, and that's fine, but fairly
generic. Is her hair long? In a pony tail, Shaved on the sides? Does she
have 5 earrings going up the outer part of her left ear? Are her eyebrows
brown, even though her hair is blonde? What's she wearing? A wrap around
skirt, or yoga pants that reveal her assets? Does she smell like jasmine, or
licorice? Just a few details can help bring her to life at the deli.

Then there is your main character. Is he embarrassed all of a sudden to have
a mustard stain on his shirt in front of the pretty girl? Does he feel self
conscious about his shabby sweat pants, or that he didn't shave that day?
Does he run his hand through his hair to neaten it up? Does she run her hand
through her hair in a flirty way? These types of action can bring characters
to life.

And while we're on the deli--what does it smell like? Is music playing? Are
there other customers chatting? Maybe a calendar on the wall displaying the
wrong month. Little details paint a realistic picture in the reader's mind.

Now, if you did all of these things, or even half, that would probably be
too much. But think about ways and places where you can dab in detail and
action in your writing, and see how you like it or not.

Good luck,

Chris



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