[Stylist] Second Draft of Apollo 11 Story for BELL ProgramI have a second draft of our Apollo 11 story for our BELL program. It's better, but I wonder if it still needs fleshing out. Here it is.

[Tina Hansen]

I have a second draft of my team's Apollo 11 story for our state's BELL
program. It's better, but I wonder if it needs fleshing out. Here it is.

 

Have you ever been challenged? How did you respond? Did you run and hide? Or
did you find a way to accomplish it?

 

In 1961 the United States expected that they would be the first to do any
great thing. But Russia was the first to send a man into space. This worried
the leaders of the United States. How could they still be the best if Russia
did it first?

 

In May of 1961, President John Kennedy had an idea. He issued a challenge:
"I believe that this nation should commit itself to landing a man on the
moon and returning him safely before this decade is out."

 

Our country jumped to the challenge.

 

If you have ever had a really big job to do, you know that you can't do it
all at once. You have to do it a little bit at at time. Going to the moon
was a really big job. We took some small steps to get ready to go to the
moon. With the Mercury program we learned how to get men into space, and to
orbit the Earth. With the Gemini program we learned how to take two
spacecraft in orbit, have them meet and join together. 

 

Finally, we had learned enough, and on July 16, 1969, Apollo 11 lifted off.
Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins were on their way to the
moon. They called their command ship Columbia, and the Lunar landing craft,
Eagle.

 

On Sunday July 20th, 1969, Columbia and Eagle separated and Neil Armstrong
and Buzz Aldrin left to land on the moon. Mike Collins stayed in the
Columbia orbiting the moon.

 

After all their work, and while Neil and Buzz were descending to the moon's
surface, they found that their computer was taking them to a place where
they did not want to go. Neil took over flying the Eagle.

 

Mission Control in Houston warned them that they were getting very low on
fuel. They had to land before they ran out.

 

Just before they ran out of fuel, Neil landed the Eagle. Then he said
"Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed." Everyone was very happy, but
this was only the beginning!

 

Several hours later, the astronauts got ready to explore the moon's surface.
Neil Armstrong did something amazing. He made the first step, and said,
"That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."

 

Within a half hour, Buzz followed. Now both astronauts were on the moon.
They described what they saw.

 

Their exploration lasted for 2 and a half hours, but then it was time to get
back in the landing craft.

 

The next day, Eagle rejoined Columbia. Three days later, the explorers
returned home, and the first mission to the moon came to a successful end.

 

There it is. Please let me know if I can improve on it. I know we hope to
add actual moon landing audio, and we know this will be recorded by a voice
talent. Thanks.