[Stylist] Second Draft of Apollo 11 Story for BELL ProgramI have a second draft of our Apollo 11 story for our BELL program. It's better, but I wonder if it still needs fleshing out. Here it is.

[Barbara HAMMEL]

The question I have is if Eagle almost ran out of fuel landing, how did it get back up to Columbia. If you don't wish to tell that, or include it, maybe leave out the fact that the fuel was running low. I do agree that if there are some of their words that talk about what the moon was like, include that. The children would find that fascinating. 

Barbara Hammel

> On Jan 20, 2019, at 02:55, D Dyer via Stylist <stylist at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> I think you’ve done a good job with editing but I think it can be tighter in the intro and I’d like to see more sensory description. What did they encounter on the moon? What was the first step like? Flying the shuttle in an unplanned landing location when you are low on fuel? Also maybe something about how the American people responded to the challenge of reaching the moon in a decade. Just a few thoughts.
> 
> D
> 
> 
> 
>> On Jan 19, 2019, at 8:46 PM, Tina Hansen via Stylist <stylist at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> 
>> I have a second draft of my team's Apollo 11 story for our state's BELL
>> program. It's better, but I wonder if it needs fleshing out. Here it is.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Have you ever been challenged? How did you respond? Did you run and hide? Or
>> did you find a way to accomplish it?
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> In 1961 the United States expected that they would be the first to do any
>> great thing. But Russia was the first to send a man into space. This worried
>> the leaders of the United States. How could they still be the best if Russia
>> did it first?
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> In May of 1961, President John Kennedy had an idea. He issued a challenge:
>> "I believe that this nation should commit itself to landing a man on the
>> moon and returning him safely before this decade is out."
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Our country jumped to the challenge.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> If you have ever had a really big job to do, you know that you can't do it
>> all at once. You have to do it a little bit at at time. Going to the moon
>> was a really big job. We took some small steps to get ready to go to the
>> moon. With the Mercury program we learned how to get men into space, and to
>> orbit the Earth. With the Gemini program we learned how to take two
>> spacecraft in orbit, have them meet and join together. 
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Finally, we had learned enough, and on July 16, 1969, Apollo 11 lifted off.
>> Neil Armstrong, Buzz Aldrin and Michael Collins were on their way to the
>> moon. They called their command ship Columbia, and the Lunar landing craft,
>> Eagle.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> On Sunday July 20th, 1969, Columbia and Eagle separated and Neil Armstrong
>> and Buzz Aldrin left to land on the moon. Mike Collins stayed in the
>> Columbia orbiting the moon.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> After all their work, and while Neil and Buzz were descending to the moon's
>> surface, they found that their computer was taking them to a place where
>> they did not want to go. Neil took over flying the Eagle.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Mission Control in Houston warned them that they were getting very low on
>> fuel. They had to land before they ran out.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Just before they ran out of fuel, Neil landed the Eagle. Then he said
>> "Tranquility Base here. The Eagle has landed." Everyone was very happy, but
>> this was only the beginning!
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Several hours later, the astronauts got ready to explore the moon's surface.
>> Neil Armstrong did something amazing. He made the first step, and said,
>> "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind."
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Within a half hour, Buzz followed. Now both astronauts were on the moon.
>> They described what they saw.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> Their exploration lasted for 2 and a half hours, but then it was time to get
>> back in the landing craft.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> The next day, Eagle rejoined Columbia. Three days later, the explorers
>> returned home, and the first mission to the moon came to a successful end.
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> There it is. Please let me know if I can improve on it. I know we hope to
>> add actual moon landing audio, and we know this will be recorded by a voice
>> talent. Thanks.
>> 
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