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--></style></head><body lang=EN-US link=blue vlink="#954F72" style='word-wrap:break-word'><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal>Hi Ann and Chris:</p><p class=MsoNormal>Dont worry about comments about my work, You live pretty far away – smile.</p><p class=MsoNormal>Here is a revised version after having thinking about what Chris wrote yesterday.</p><p class=MsoNormal>Also, as you both noted, the word illume is the only ending that is not a line end rhyme to the sound of old.</p><p class=MsoNormal>That is intentional.</p><p class=MsoNormal>The above lines are all dark and lead to a inescapable fate.</p><p class=MsoNormal>That 1 word turns the whole preponderance of a dark tortured future into one of salvation and a bright after life.</p><p class=MsoNormal>The Latin phrase means I shall fear no evil and the next phrase is why that phrase makes sense, getting lifted up out of this misery by Christ.</p><p class=MsoNormal>I wanted a more streetwise word, a more common word, but I couldn’t find one so have left it as illume, pulled the ed off it since I want it to say see instead of saw as it were.</p><p class=MsoNormal>Also, the gender word was replaced with a more direct phrase as Chris noted and I think he was right.</p><p class=MsoNormal>I made a couple of other minor changes to help it flow better, perhaps.</p><p class=MsoNormal>Here is version 2, now, fire away please.</p><p class=MsoNormal>I added this heiku backstory preface to focus the main poems content toward the true story of a failed marriage.:</p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Cherished family love</p><p class=MsoNormal>a husband faces blindness</p><p class=MsoNormal>a fatherless child</p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>...</p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>Words from the wasteland, burned deep into my soul.</p><p class=MsoNormal>Spectors, formless spectors, just spectors, nothing whole.</p><p class=MsoNormal>The headless woman cried, sightless eyes behold.</p><p class=MsoNormal>The nighttime shadows rise, and warn of fate untold.</p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>The spectors punish and taunt, with unreachable marital rolls.</p><p class=MsoNormal>Guilty,they found me guilty, and cast as man unhole.</p><p class=MsoNormal>the headless woman cried, sightless eyes behold.</p><p class=MsoNormal>The nighttime shadows sighed, to find her heart so cold.</p><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><p class=MsoNormal>This midnight journeys tale, this tongue of fires hard told.</p><p class=MsoNormal>These terrors will find their end, final end, despite grim furies hold.</p><p class=MsoNormal>The headless woman cried, sightless eyes illume.</p><p class=MsoNormal>"non timebo mala", he plucks us from all doom.</p><p class=MsoNormal>End Of File:</p><p class=MsoNormal>Richard R. Thomas (Rick USA)</p><p class=MsoNormal>Sent from <a href="https://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=550986">Mail</a> for Windows</p><p class=MsoNormal> </p><div style='mso-element:para-border-div;border:none;border-top:solid #E1E1E1 1.0pt;padding:3.0pt 0in 0in 0in'><p class=MsoNormal style='border:none;padding:0in'><b>From: </b><a href="mailto:stylist@nfbnet.org">Ann Chiappetta via Stylist</a><br><b>Sent: </b>Tuesday, May 31, 2022 6:49 PM<br><b>To: </b><a href="mailto:stylist@nfbnet.org">Writers' Division Mailing List</a><br><b>Cc: </b><a href="mailto:anniecms64@gmail.com">Ann Chiappetta</a><br><b>Subject: </b>Re: [Stylist] My First Poem</p></div><p class=MsoNormal> </p><p class=MsoNormal>Hi there-</p><p class=MsoNormal>After reading your intro, two points to ponder in this great piece: “Illumed” might get kind of stuck on the tongue when spoken or sung. I would suggest another synonym more identifiable. I know it goes with the taste of the piece but it isn’t a word most folks will know. Each word counts. </p><p class=MsoNormal>The Latin is a nice touch and it could be expanded to be repeated in English as a final line thus wrapping up the piece. Or it could be the title, “Fear no evil” or “To feel no evil” <span style='font-family:"Segoe UI Emoji",sans-serif'>😉</span> </p><p class=MsoNormal>Take or leave my suggestions, this is your work and I am merely a peon of critique.</p><p class=MsoNormal>Best,</p><p class=MsoNormal>Annie</p><p class=MsoNormal> </p><p class=MsoNormal>[Verse1]</p><p class=MsoNormal>Words from the waste-land, burned deep into my soul.</p><p class=MsoNormal>Spectors, formless spectors, just spectors, nothing whole</p><p class=MsoNormal> </p><p class=MsoNormal>[chorus1]</p><p class=MsoNormal>the Headless Woman Cri-ed, Sightless Eyes beHold.</p><p class=MsoNormal>the Nighttime Shadows Rise, to Warn of Fate unTold.</p><p class=MsoNormal> </p><p class=MsoNormal>[Verse2]</p><p class=MsoNormal>The spectors punish and taunt, cursing gendered rolls.</p><p class=MsoNormal>guilty,they found me guilty, and cast as man unwhole</p><p class=MsoNormal> </p><p class=MsoNormal>[Chorus2]</p><p class=MsoNormal>the Headless Woman Cri-ed, SightlessEyes beHold.</p><p class=MsoNormal>the Nighttime Shadows Sighed, to Find a Heart so Cold.</p><p class=MsoNormal> </p><p class=MsoNormal>[Verse3]</p><p class=MsoNormal>this midnight journeys tale, this tongue of fire's told.</p><p class=MsoNormal>nears its destined end, despite grim furies hold.</p><p class=MsoNormal> </p><p class=MsoNormal>[Chorus3]</p><p class=MsoNormal>the Headless Woman Cri-ed, Sightless Eyes illumed.</p><p class=MsoNormal>"non timebo mala", Years Pluck us From our Doom.</p><p class=MsoNormal>EndOfPoem:</p><p class=MsoNormal>Richard R. Thomas (Rick USA)</p><p class=MsoNormal>Sent from <a href="https://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=550986">Mail</a> for Windows</p><p class=MsoNormal> </p><p class=MsoNormal> </p><p class=MsoNormal> </p><div><p class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center'>Ann M. Chiappetta, M.S.</p><p class=MsoNormal align=center style='text-align:center'>Making Meaningful ConnectionsThrough Media </p><p class=MsoNormal>914.393.6605 USA</p><p class=MsoNormal><a href="mailto:Anniecms64@gmail.com"><span style='color:#0563C1'>Anniecms64@gmail.com</span></a></p><p class=MsoNormal>All things Annie: <a href="http://www.annchiappetta.com"><span style='color:#0563C1'>www.annchiappetta.com</span></a> </p></div><p class=MsoNormal> </p><div><div style='border:none;border-top:solid #E1E1E1 1.0pt;padding:3.0pt 0in 0in 0in'><p class=MsoNormal><b>From:</b> Stylist <stylist-bounces@nfbnet.org> <b>On Behalf Of </b>Richard R. Thomas via Stylist<br><b>Sent:</b> Tuesday, May 31, 2022 7:32 AM<br><b>To:</b> stylist@nfbnet.org<br><b>Cc:</b> Richard R. Thomas <richardrthomas48@gmail.com><br><b>Subject:</b> [Stylist] My First Poem</p></div></div><p class=MsoNormal> </p><p class=MsoNormal>Watch out, the poem may wrap in the e-mail client.</p><p class=MsoNormal>so far the below verse is free-form while the chorus is mostely iambic.</p><p class=MsoNormal>These are actually lyrics to a song with slight modifications.</p><p class=MsoNormal>The content is indicative of an event that hurt so bad that those involved will never be free of the pain.</p><p class=MsoNormal>The end indicates that despite our tortured souls we dont have to fear, our end is coming soon andwith it the promise of forgiveness and relief.</p><p class=MsoNormal>A redemption story?</p><p class=MsoNormal> </p><p class=MsoNormal>[Verse1]</p><p class=MsoNormal>Words from the waste-land, burned deep into my soul.</p><p class=MsoNormal>Spectors, formless spectors, just spectors, nothing whole</p><p class=MsoNormal> </p><p class=MsoNormal>[chorus1]</p><p class=MsoNormal>the Headless Woman Cri-ed, Sightless Eyes beHold.</p><p class=MsoNormal>the Nighttime Shadows Rise, to Warn of Fate unTold.</p><p class=MsoNormal> </p><p class=MsoNormal>[Verse2]</p><p class=MsoNormal>The spectors punish and taunt, cursing gendered rolls.</p><p class=MsoNormal>guilty,they found me guilty, and cast as man unwhole</p><p class=MsoNormal> </p><p class=MsoNormal>[Chorus2]</p><p class=MsoNormal>the Headless Woman Cri-ed, SightlessEyes beHold.</p><p class=MsoNormal>the Nighttime Shadows Sighed, to Find a Heart so Cold.</p><p class=MsoNormal> </p><p class=MsoNormal>[Verse3]</p><p class=MsoNormal>this midnight journeys tale, this tongue of fire's told.</p><p class=MsoNormal>nears its destined end, despite grim furies hold.</p><p class=MsoNormal> </p><p class=MsoNormal>[Chorus3]</p><p class=MsoNormal>the Headless Woman Cri-ed, Sightless Eyes illumed.</p><p class=MsoNormal>"non timebo mala", Years Pluck us From our Doom.</p><p class=MsoNormal>EndOfPoem:</p><p class=MsoNormal>Richard R. Thomas (Rick USA)</p><p class=MsoNormal>Sent from <a href="https://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=550986">Mail</a> for Windows</p><p class=MsoNormal> </p><p class=MsoNormal> </p></div></body></html>