<div style="color:;font: 10pt Helvetica Neue;">Fas<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">cinating poem; thanks.</span><br>
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<div style="font:10pt Helvetica Neue;">Shawn Jacobson<br>
sdj60259@aol.com<br>
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<div style="font-family:arial,helvetica;font-size:10pt;color:black"><font size="2">-----Original Message-----<br>
From: Richard R. Thomas via Stylist <stylist@nfbnet.org><br>
To: stylist@nfbnet.org <stylist@nfbnet.org><br>
Cc: Richard R. Thomas <richardrthomas48@gmail.com><br>
Sent: Wed, Jun 1, 2022 8:10 am<br>
Subject: [Stylist] First Poem<br>
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<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">Hi Again and thanks for all the actionable help:</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">Almost there, I promise!</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">I de coupled the concrete subject of the third line of the heiku to be more a metaphoric image.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">The black widow gets her name by often killing and eating the male after sex.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">I re entered the word gender, nothing else flows as well tonally and with the heiku there is less a chance of a misreading.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">I also add the word unreachable to add a feeling of the hopelessness of any efforts to the line.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">I addcolons to the first line of each chorus to enhance anticipation of the dependent following line.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">This is important in the last chorus.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">Finally i changed the last chorus to be less obtuse - I think.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">Does it sound better and, or, is it more clear ?</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">I actually want the reader to be driven enough by the poem to do a quick google search on the Latin phrase.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">If they do they will feel just a little satisfied when their successful effort answers the unknown questions in their minds.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">This feeling is what I want associated with the sudden and hard turnaround of the last chorus and my work in general.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">If they dont they will likely feel something is missing - like the blind mans family in the poem?</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">The actual sin is not one of action against the disabled, it is inaction and unconscious rejection of efforts outside habitual, normalistic daily activities and associations prevalent in the “Wasteland” of modern society.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">Like the proverbial frog in the warming water, most people will never recognize their situation until they are well done.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">The word “Wasteland” is from the Eliot ork describing the isolation and shallowness of modern society as well as its association with the break from the redemption of classical religion.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">Many of his images and metaphors apply color and meaning to the work in general and especially the turn-around in the last chorus.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal"> </div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">Here is a short YouTube summary of “The Wasteland” by Elliot:</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSI5AejsFbU</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal"> </div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">I want readers who are willing to make a difference in this world through action, not just words:</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">The others be damned to be watching reruns of Gilligans Island for eternity - smile.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal"> </div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">Cherished family love</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">a husband faces blindness</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">A black widows meal</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal"> </div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">...</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal"> </div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">Words from the wasteland, burned deep into my soul.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">Spectors, formless spectors, just spectors, nothing whole.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">The headless woman cried, sightless eyes behold:</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">The nighttime shadows rise, and warn of fate untold.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal"> </div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">The spectors punish and taunt, of unreachable genderedrolls.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">Guilty,they found me guilty, and cast as man unhole.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">the headless woman cried, sightless eyes behold:</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">The nighttime shadows sighed, to find her heart so cold.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal"> </div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">This midnight journeys tale, this tongue of fires hard told.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">Damned demons view their end, despite grim furies hold.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">The headless woman cried, sightless eyes forsee:</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">"non timebo mala", he plucks us from rough seas.</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal"> </div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">EndOfFile:</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">Richard R. Thomas (Rick USA)</div>
<div class="yiv2543386471MsoNormal">Sent from <a rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank" href="https://go.microsoft.com/fwlink/?LinkId=550986">Mail</a> for Windows</div>
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