<html><head></head><body><div class="ydp1ed5edd7yahoo-style-wrap" style="font-family:Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;font-size:16px;"><div><div dir="ltr" data-setdir="false">I got some good news on my story "The Oddyssey of Homor One. Got some constructive criticism as well.</div><div dir="ltr" data-setdir="false"><br></div><div dir="ltr" data-setdir="false">Anyway, this is as far as I've ever gotten with this contest, so I think this is happy-dance time.</div><div dir="ltr" data-setdir="false"><br></div><div dir="ltr" data-setdir="false">Shawn</div><div><br></div><div class="ydp1ed5edd7signature"><div style="font-style: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-weight: normal; font-stretch: normal; font-size: 10pt; line-height: normal; font-family: Helvetica Neue;">Shawn Jacobson<br>sdj60259@aol.com<br></div></div></div>
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<div class="ydpfdff1635quoted-text-header"><b>From:</b> Amateur Writing Contest <amateurwritingcontest@bsfs.org></div><div class="ydpfdff1635quoted-text-header"><b>To:</b> Shawn Jacobson <sdj60259@aol.com></div><div class="ydpfdff1635quoted-text-header"><b>Sent:</b> Monday, August 12, 2024 at 02:08:58 PM EDT</div><div class="ydpfdff1635quoted-text-header"><b>Subject:</b> The Odyssey of Homer One is a finalist</div>
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<div><div id="ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747"><div dir="ltr"><div style="font-size:large;" class="ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747gmail_default"><p style="margin:0in 0in 0.0001pt;font-size:11pt;font-family:New serif;color:black;" class="ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:18pt;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(34,34,34);">Hi Shawn</span></p>
<p style="margin:0in 0in 0.0001pt;font-size:11pt;font-family:New serif;color:black;" class="ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:18pt;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(34,34,34);"> </span></p>
<p style="margin:0in 0in 0.0001pt;font-size:11pt;font-family:New serif;color:black;" class="ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:18pt;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(34,34,34);">I'm pleased to tell you that your story "The Odyssey of
Homer One" is a finalist in this year's Short Story contest. We had many
good entries this year and the competition was strong but your story is
one of the standouts.</span></p>
<p style="margin:0in 0in 0.0001pt;font-size:11pt;font-family:New serif;color:black;" class="ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:18pt;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(34,34,34);"> </span></p>
<p style="margin:0in 0in 0.0001pt;font-size:11pt;font-family:New serif;color:black;" class="ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:18pt;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(34,34,34);">While we are awaiting the last round of voting, I thought I
would give you the comments from readers who gave feedback in the first round.
Other comments may be coming from the readers of the finalist round who are
mostly new to the story.</span></p>
<p style="margin:0in 0in 0.0001pt;font-size:11pt;font-family:New serif;color:black;" class="ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:18pt;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(34,34,34);"> </span></p>
<p style="margin:0in 0in 0.0001pt;font-size:11pt;font-family:New serif;color:black;" class="ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:18pt;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(34,34,34);">The Odyssey of Homer One</span></p>
<p style="margin:0in 0in 0.0001pt;font-size:11pt;font-family:New serif;color:black;" class="ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747MsoNormal"></p><ul><li><span style="font-size:18pt;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(34,34,34);">I would enjoy more stories in this world. Proofreading needed,
names Cathy/Kathy and the name of the blindness plague. Klick is usually the
abbreviation for kilometer rather than “click”.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:18pt;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(34,34,34);">It was interesting to read a story about a blind starfaring
human society landing on another world. The dialogue needs some work in order
to give each character their own voice, otherwise they come across stiff and
two-dimensional. The words you need for voice pitch are "bass" (not
base) and "tenor" (not tenner).</span></li><li><span style="font-size:18pt;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(34,34,34);">Some things about this were very good. Those were the
experiential aspects of the story, the dialog, and the unexplained mysteries of
the situation, slowly coming out. </span></li><li><span style="font-size:18pt;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(34,34,34);">I found myself wondering where the writer was going. </span></li><li><span style="color:rgb(34,34,34);font-family:Arial, sans-serif;font-size:18pt;">The ending is preachy and not rational, though it became clear
that the encountered beings were likely the cause of the plague, once they
mentioned seeing as restricted.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:18pt;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(34,34,34);">Disappointing, though. There were so many better directions this
story could have taken. </span></li><li><span style="font-size:18pt;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(34,34,34);">Needs a grammar checker.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:18pt;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(34,34,34);">Trying to take on too big a story in a short.</span></li><li><span style="font-size:18pt;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(34,34,34);">My favorite.</span></li></ul><p></p>
<p style="margin:0in 0in 0.0001pt;font-size:11pt;font-family:New serif;color:black;" class="ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747MsoNormal"><br></p>
<p style="margin:0in 0in 0.0001pt;font-size:11pt;font-family:New serif;color:black;" class="ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:18pt;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(34,34,34);">Keep writing. Regardless of what happens this year, I look
forward to getting another strong entry from you next year.</span></p>
<p style="margin:0in 0in 0.0001pt;font-size:11pt;font-family:New serif;color:black;" class="ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:18pt;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;color:rgb(34,34,34);"> </span></p>
<span style="font-size:18pt;font-family:Arial, sans-serif;">Allison</span><br clear="all"></div><br clear="all"><div><br></div><span class="ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747gmail_signature_prefix">-- </span><br><div dir="ltr" class="ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747gmail_signature"><div dir="ltr"><div>~~~~</div><div><span style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif;font-size:12px;">The Baltimore Science Fiction Society Amateur Writing Contest contest is open to amateur writers over 18 years old who are residents of Maryland. This year's contest opens on April 15 and closes June 15.</span></div><div><p style="color:rgb(0,0,0);font-family:Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif;font-size:12px;">For more information and to see contest rules go to <span style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;font-size:small;color:rgb(34,34,34);"><i><b><a href="https://bsfs.org/bsfsssc.htm" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://bsfs.org/bsfsssc.htm</a></b></i></span></p></div></div></div></div>
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