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</o:shapelayout></xml><![endif]--></head><body lang=EN-US link=blue vlink=purple style='word-wrap:break-word'><div class=WordSection1><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt'>Constructive feedback is great, good luck!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='mso-ligatures:standardcontextual'>Ann Chiappetta, MS<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='mso-ligatures:standardcontextual'>President, Friends In Art, Inc.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='mso-ligatures:standardcontextual'><a href="mailto:president@friendsinart.org"><span style='color:#0563C1'>president@friendsinart.org</span></a> <a href="http://www.friendsinart.org"><span style='color:#0563C1'>www.friendsinart.org</span></a> <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='mso-ligatures:standardcontextual'>914.393.6605 <o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='mso-ligatures:standardcontextual'><a href="http://www.annchiappetta.com"><span style='color:#0563C1'>www.annchiappetta.com</span></a><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:13.5pt;font-family:"Metropolis-Regular",serif;color:black;background:white;mso-ligatures:standardcontextual'>Trust your dreams. Trust your heart and trust your story. Neil Gaiman<o:p></o:p></span></p></div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:11.0pt'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><div><div style='border:none;border-top:solid #E1E1E1 1.0pt;padding:3.0pt 0in 0in 0in'><p class=MsoNormal><b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif'>From:</span></b><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"Calibri",sans-serif'> Stylist <stylist-bounces@nfbnet.org> <b>On Behalf Of </b>Shawn Jacobson via Stylist<br><b>Sent:</b> Tuesday, August 13, 2024 10:40 AM<br><b>To:</b> Writers' Division Mailing List <stylist@nfbnet.org><br><b>Cc:</b> Shawn Jacobson <sdj60259@aol.com><br><b>Subject:</b> [Stylist] Fw: The Odyssey of Homer One is a finalist<o:p></o:p></span></p></div></div><p class=MsoNormal><o:p> </o:p></p><div><div><div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif'>I got some good news on my story "The Oddyssey of Homor One. Got some constructive criticism as well.<o:p></o:p></span></p></div><div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif'><o:p> </o:p></span></p></div><div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif'>Anyway, this is as far as I've ever gotten with this contest, so I think this is happy-dance time.<o:p></o:p></span></p></div><div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif'><o:p> </o:p></span></p></div><div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif'>Shawn<o:p></o:p></span></p></div><div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif'><o:p> </o:p></span></p></div><div><div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif'>Shawn Jacobson<br><a href="mailto:sdj60259@aol.com">sdj60259@aol.com</a><o:p></o:p></span></p></div></div></div><div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif'><o:p> </o:p></span></p></div><div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-family:"Helvetica",sans-serif'><o:p> </o:p></span></p></div></div><div id="ydpfdff1635yahoo_quoted_4536419946"><div><div><div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif;color:#26282A'>----- Forwarded Message -----<o:p></o:p></span></p></div><div><p class=MsoNormal><b><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif;color:#26282A'>From:</span></b><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif;color:#26282A'> Amateur Writing Contest <<a href="mailto:amateurwritingcontest@bsfs.org">amateurwritingcontest@bsfs.org</a>><o:p></o:p></span></p></div><div><p class=MsoNormal><b><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif;color:#26282A'>To:</span></b><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif;color:#26282A'> Shawn Jacobson <<a href="mailto:sdj60259@aol.com">sdj60259@aol.com</a>><o:p></o:p></span></p></div><div><p class=MsoNormal><b><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif;color:#26282A'>Sent:</span></b><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif;color:#26282A'> Monday, August 12, 2024 at 02:08:58 PM EDT<o:p></o:p></span></p></div><div><p class=MsoNormal><b><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif;color:#26282A'>Subject:</span></b><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif;color:#26282A'> The Odyssey of Homer One is a finalist<o:p></o:p></span></p></div></div><div style='border:none;border-left:solid #CCCCCC 1.0pt;padding:0in 0in 0in 6.0pt;margin-left:6.0pt'><div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif;color:#26282A'><o:p> </o:p></span></p></div><div><div id=ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747><div><div><p class=ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747msonormal style='margin:0in'><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'>Hi Shawn</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"New serif",serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747msonormal style='margin:0in'><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'> </span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"New serif",serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747msonormal style='margin:0in'><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'>I'm pleased to tell you that your story "The Odyssey of Homer One" is a finalist in this year's Short Story contest. We had many good entries this year and the competition was strong but your story is one of the standouts.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"New serif",serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747msonormal style='margin:0in'><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'> </span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"New serif",serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747msonormal style='margin:0in'><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'>While we are awaiting the last round of voting, I thought I would give you the comments from readers who gave feedback in the first round. Other comments may be coming from the readers of the finalist round who are mostly new to the story.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"New serif",serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747msonormal style='margin:0in'><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'> </span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"New serif",serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747msonormal style='margin:0in'><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'>The Odyssey of Homer One</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"New serif",serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><ul type=disc><li class=MsoNormal style='color:#26282A;mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1'><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'>I would enjoy more stories in this world. Proofreading needed, names Cathy/Kathy and the name of the blindness plague. Klick is usually the abbreviation for kilometer rather than “click”.</span><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif'><o:p></o:p></span></li><li class=MsoNormal style='color:#26282A;mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1'><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'>It was interesting to read a story about a blind starfaring human society landing on another world. The dialogue needs some work in order to give each character their own voice, otherwise they come across stiff and two-dimensional. The words you need for voice pitch are "bass" (not base) and "tenor" (not tenner).</span><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif'><o:p></o:p></span></li><li class=MsoNormal style='color:#26282A;mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1'><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'>Some things about this were very good. Those were the experiential aspects of the story, the dialog, and the unexplained mysteries of the situation, slowly coming out. </span><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif'><o:p></o:p></span></li><li class=MsoNormal style='color:#26282A;mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1'><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'>I found myself wondering where the writer was going. </span><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif'><o:p></o:p></span></li><li class=MsoNormal style='color:#26282A;mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1'><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'>The ending is preachy and not rational, though it became clear that the encountered beings were likely the cause of the plague, once they mentioned seeing as restricted.</span><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif'><o:p></o:p></span></li><li class=MsoNormal style='color:#26282A;mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1'><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'>Disappointing, though. There were so many better directions this story could have taken. </span><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif'><o:p></o:p></span></li><li class=MsoNormal style='color:#26282A;mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1'><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'>Needs a grammar checker.</span><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif'><o:p></o:p></span></li><li class=MsoNormal style='color:#26282A;mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1'><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'>Trying to take on too big a story in a short.</span><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif'><o:p></o:p></span></li><li class=MsoNormal style='color:#26282A;mso-margin-top-alt:auto;mso-margin-bottom-alt:auto;mso-list:l0 level1 lfo1'><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'>My favorite.</span><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif'><o:p></o:p></span></li></ul><p class=ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747msonormal style='margin:0in'><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"New serif",serif;color:black'><o:p> </o:p></span></p><p class=ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747msonormal style='margin:0in'><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'>Keep writing. Regardless of what happens this year, I look forward to getting another strong entry from you next year.</span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"New serif",serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747msonormal style='margin:0in'><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'> </span><span style='font-size:11.0pt;font-family:"New serif",serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#26282A'>Allison</span><span style='font-size:18.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif;color:#26282A'><br clear=all><o:p></o:p></span></p></div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif;color:#26282A'><br clear=all><o:p></o:p></span></p><div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif;color:#26282A'><o:p> </o:p></span></p></div><p class=MsoNormal><span class=ydpfdff1635yiv6618209747gmailsignatureprefix><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif;color:#26282A'>-- </span></span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif;color:#26282A'><o:p></o:p></span></p><div><div><div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif;color:#26282A'>~~~~<o:p></o:p></span></p></div><div><p class=MsoNormal><span style='font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Verdana",sans-serif;color:black'>The Baltimore Science Fiction Society Amateur Writing Contest contest is open to amateur writers over 18 years old who are residents of Maryland. This year's contest opens on April 15 and closes June 15.</span><span style='font-size:10.0pt;font-family:"Helvetica Neue",serif;color:#26282A'><o:p></o:p></span></p></div><div><p><span style='font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Verdana",sans-serif;color:black'>For more information and to see contest rules go to </span><b><i><span style='font-family:"Arial",sans-serif;color:#222222'><a href="https://bsfs.org/bsfsssc.htm" target="_blank">https://bsfs.org/bsfsssc.htm</a></span></i></b><span style='font-size:9.0pt;font-family:"Verdana",sans-serif;color:black'><o:p></o:p></span></p></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></div></body></html>