[blindkid] Update on advice about a school incident
Mike Freeman
k7uij at panix.com
Sat Nov 7 13:38:34 UTC 2009
Right on, Carrie! Your message below is bang on-target!
Let me tell you about an incident that occurred when I was in either
ninth or tenth grade, attending a public high school. Two other fellows
and I were eating lunch in what was called the "cafatorium" -- it served
both as an auditorium (folding chairs) and the lunchroom. All three of
us had brought our lunches. WE had several lines -- a hot lunch line, a
sandwich line and a snack line. You could tell how good the hot lunch
was by how long the sandwich line was.
All three of us had brought our lunches but one of the two guys saw
something in the snack line that looked delectable so he decided to go
up and buy it to supplement his lunch. While he was in the snack line,
the other guy (not I) noticed that the fellow had brought a slice of
birthday cake in his lunch (the day before had been his birthday)and
quickly yanked the slice of cake out of the other fellow's lunch sack
(it was chocolate -- a crucial detail) and placed it on the chair of the
guy in the snack line. When the victim-to-be returned, he didn't look
and immediately sat down! Obviously, this resulted in cake all over his
posterior and, of course, suggested to the casual observer that
something else entirely -- something acutely embarrassing -- had
happened to him. The victim knew right away what had happaned and we
darn near had a fist fight right there in the cafatorium. In any event,
he had to go home and change pants! The perpetrator of the joke and I
thought it inordinately funny. I suppose I shouldn't admit this but I'm
chuckling right now, forty-seven years later!
The kicker? Both of the gentelemen were sighted; insofar as I am aware,
neither even used glasses!
I write this to echo Carrie's observation that some of this goes on even
among the sighted and that sight is no proof against horse-play. I
suspect the little boys got as much of a charge out of putting one over
on Kendra as anything else; blindness was (in their view) just an easy
way to accomplish the deed. I'm sixty-one; in my day, had such a thing
happened, a couple of round-house rights would have permanetly solved
the problem. That is no longer the way of things (at least officially)
so the way it worked out was excellent.
Kids in my high school loved my mothers' brownies (I willingly shared)
so my mother would deliberately put extras in my lunch so that I wasn't
shorted.
Of course how Kendra reacts is as individual as she is. But I'd bet that
a quarter-century from now, while she might relate the incident with a
flash of pique, I'd also bet that their might also be a bit of wry
amusement in the telling. WE shouldn't make light of the casual meanness
often practiced by others. Nevertheless, sometimes the only thing to do
is laugh. And laughter, while it won't solve problems, certainly eases
the pain and discomfort of them.
Mike Freeman, President
NFB of Washington
----- Original Message -----
From: "Carrie Gilmer" <carrie.gilmer at gmail.com>
To: "'NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List,(for parents of blind children)'"
<blindkid at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 7:06 AM
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Update on advice about a school incident
Glad to hear it and also glad this was brought out: many things here in
this
situation to help many. Some thoughts/resources I hope that are taken
away,
if not already understood:
*Blind/low vision children need to know and be empowered with the
KNOWLEDGE
that they are NOT NECESSARILY more vulnerable. They need to know that
they
CAN tell things without sight about human behaviors and risk and protect
themselves and resolve things for themselves. That they can and should
indeed pay attention to personal space, behaviors (e.g. tones of
voice/giggling/hushed whispers) of people around them and their
belongings
and not assume for example it is them who lost something...or either
assume
it was stolen. It takes awhile of "lessons" to learn these things/it is
a
lifestyle of talking about it as things come up, knowing how other blind
people "do" and "know", learning to be responsible in finding things
they
may have lost, learning to pay attention to other's behaviors. Lifestyle
means it is incorporated naturally/matter-of factly in all kinds of
discussions as LIFE occurs and not some long minutes, emotionally
wrought,
fraught with sensitivity BIG TALK:).
Also: For ex. Here: Kendra can be made aware of what is in her lunch box
ahead of time. Ian KNEW he had some crackers, it is both right that he
make
sure he did not misplace them and then when he is sure to trust what he
knows and consider seriously that he has been robbed... in the many
examples of others doing things because of the mistaken conclusion that
the
blind person will always not know what is going on because they can not
see:
discussions including prejudice/false notions, general meanness to
anyone,
and not assuming prejudice or meanness always, can all occur(the
'pouring
over the head'~that happens to sighted kids too~and it is a matter of
paying
attention sometimes and being aware that some people 'joke' like
this...and
then learning there is context; not every 'joke' like this is out of
meanness and mistaken notions/prejudices some is indeed joking amongst
friends or just flat out "not thinking" impulsiveness)...learning to
differentiate all of this takes some maturity and practice. And still
for
those who live with daily false notions aimed at them, sometimes
accepting
you never really know for sure the "root" of a behavior and you can't
overdo
either and spend your life trying to analyze or even educate every
instance>oh that tricky thing of balance;)
*Blind/low vision children need to know they are not more fragile and
can
take this kind of thing and resolve it themselves and move on...sighted
people need to know the blind/low vision person is also capable of
resolving
it w/out being 'scarred' for life.
*Blind/Low vision children need to know that sight is NOT magic and has
its
limits and unreliability too and reversely that blindness does not come
with
special powers. In the "Handbook for Itinerant Teachers" Doris W.
devotes a
whole chapter. This is very important and the first discussions should
happen very early, cuz it takes a long time and matures as
developmentally
they can consider deeper and wider. I can't tell you the number of times
I
have been shocked to discover highschoolers who have not been able to
discuss their ideas freely and comfortably/naturally and have some idea
that
it is like "zapping~lightning~powerful magic" a direct quote from a VERY
smart 15 year old whose parents never felt comfortable discussing what
sight
was and was not and could and could not do...or how many ten year olds I
have met who still thought they could pick their noses and no one could
tell...or thought people could see INDSIDE them...
*Keeping things from a child almost never works; as has been mentioned
CHILDREN (and even adults~surprise!) TALK, how horrifying and stupid
feeling
to find out and that no one told you it happened or felt you could be
trusted to know and handle it.
Carrie
-----Original Message-----
From: blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org]
On
Behalf Of Susan Harper
Sent: Thursday, November 05, 2009 6:04 PM
To: NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List,(for parents of blind children)
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Update on advice about a school incident
Great job Mom. This speaks to what a great job you have done raising a
healthy child. It is never easy. We only do the best we can!
Blessings,
Sue H.
On Thu, Nov 5, 2009 at 12:47 PM, Kieszak, Stephanie (CDC/CCEHIP/NCEH) <
sek7 at cdc.gov> wrote:
> Thank you all so much for your feedback. I spoke to Kendra about what
> happened before she left for school this morning. Then her teacher
> spoke
> with her and the two boys at school. Her TVI e-mailed me with the
> note
> that Kendra wrote about it:
>
> -----Original Message-----
> Dear Mom,
> I forgive XXX and YYY for taking the cookies out of my lunchbox. I am
> sad because they took my food without asking. I do not like what they
> did. I am not going to sit with them any more. We had a little
> meeting
> in the hallway and they talked about what they did and apologized.
> Ms.
> ZZZ and the boys and I talked about it and they promised they couldn't
> sit at my table.
> Sincerely,
> Kendra
>
>
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