[blindkid] Update on advice about a school incident

David Andrews dandrews at visi.com
Sat Nov 7 20:37:34 UTC 2009


AI had a room mate (after college) who thought it was funny to steal 
food from my plate as we were eating.  That is until the day I 
forcibly stuck my fork in the back of his hand as he was hovering 
over my plate to nab a piece of steak.

Dave

t 08:03 AM 11/7/2009, you wrote:
>Michael, I am laughing so hard.  I too did the same exact thing to my best
>friend at the time, only we were on a school trip and it was a devil dog. I
>need to remember the key element the chocolate  cake holds for the next
>time.  Need to order chocolate cake the next time he and I are together.  we
>are still friends to this very day some 30 years later. Only thing different
>about then and now, is now we are older and I have joined the blind
>community.  we still get together and we talk about it still. I agree with
>you on laughter and humor,  laughter is good for all our ailments. Not to be
>laughed at, but laughed with, not to take everything so seriously, but to
>seriously take things in stride. Kendra will for sure one day be able to see
>the tricksters and pranksters as her sense of "vision"  becomes more keen.
>Since only being completely blind for just about 4 years now, the one thing
>which puts others at ease over their own innate fear of blindness is the
>humorous way I make them feel at ease.  I in no way am self deprevational
>about it just matter of fact and it goes a long way to opening honest and
>sincere dialogues which do wonders to help dispel antiquated  misperceptions
>about our abilities.
>
>
>Albert J. Rizzi, M.Ed.
>CEO/Founder
>My Blind Spot, Inc.
>90 Broad Street - 18th Fl.
>New York, New York  10004
>www.myblindspot.org
>PH: 917-553-0347
>Fax: 212-858-5759
>"The person who says it cannot be done, shouldn't interrupt the one who is
>doing it."
>
>
>-----Original Message-----
>From: blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org] On
>Behalf Of Mike Freeman
>Sent: Saturday, November 07, 2009 8:39 AM
>To: NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List,(for parents of blind children)
>Subject: Re: [blindkid] Update on advice about a school incident
>
>Right on, Carrie! Your message below is bang on-target!
>
>Let me tell you about an incident that occurred when I was in either
>ninth or tenth grade, attending a public high school. Two other fellows
>and I were eating lunch in what was called the "cafatorium" -- it served
>both as an auditorium (folding chairs) and the lunchroom. All three of
>us had brought our lunches. WE had several lines -- a hot lunch line, a
>sandwich line and a snack line. You could tell how good the hot lunch
>was by how long the sandwich line was.
>
>All three of us had brought our lunches but one of the two guys saw
>something in the snack line that looked delectable so he decided to go
>up and buy it to supplement his lunch. While he was in the snack line,
>the other guy (not I) noticed that the fellow had brought a slice of
>birthday cake in his lunch (the day before had been his birthday)and
>quickly yanked the slice of cake out of the other fellow's lunch sack
>(it was chocolate -- a crucial detail) and placed it on the chair of the
>guy in the snack line. When the victim-to-be returned, he didn't look
>and immediately sat down! Obviously, this resulted in cake all over his
>posterior and, of course, suggested to the casual observer that
>something else entirely -- something acutely embarrassing -- had
>happened to him. The victim knew right away what had happaned and we
>darn near had a fist fight right there in the cafatorium. In any event,
>he had to go home and change pants! The perpetrator of the joke and I
>thought it inordinately funny. I suppose I shouldn't admit this but I'm
>chuckling right now, forty-seven years later!
>
>The kicker? Both of the gentelemen were sighted; insofar as I am aware,
>neither even used glasses!
>
>I write this to echo Carrie's observation that some of this goes on even
>among the sighted and that sight is no proof against horse-play. I
>suspect the little boys got as much of a charge out of putting one over
>on Kendra as anything else; blindness was (in their view) just an easy
>way to accomplish the deed. I'm sixty-one; in my day, had such a thing
>happened, a couple of round-house rights would have permanetly solved
>the problem. That is no longer the way of things (at least officially)
>so the way it worked out was excellent.
>
>Kids in my high school loved my mothers' brownies (I willingly shared)
>so my mother would deliberately put extras in my lunch so that I wasn't
>shorted.
>
>Of course how Kendra reacts is as individual as she is. But I'd bet that
>a quarter-century from now, while she might relate the incident with a
>flash of pique, I'd also bet that their might also be a bit of wry
>amusement in the telling. WE shouldn't make light of the casual meanness
>often practiced by others. Nevertheless, sometimes the only thing to do
>is laugh. And laughter, while it won't solve problems, certainly eases
>the pain and discomfort of them.
>
>Mike Freeman, President
>NFB of Washington
>
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "Carrie Gilmer" <carrie.gilmer at gmail.com>
>To: "'NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List,(for parents of blind children)'"
><blindkid at nfbnet.org>
>Sent: Friday, November 06, 2009 7:06 AM
>Subject: Re: [blindkid] Update on advice about a school incident
>
>
>Glad to hear it and also glad this was brought out: many things here in
>this
>situation to help many. Some thoughts/resources I hope that are taken
>away,
>if not already understood:
>
>*Blind/low vision children need to know and be empowered with the
>KNOWLEDGE
>that they are NOT NECESSARILY more vulnerable. They need to know that
>they
>CAN tell things without sight about human behaviors and risk and protect
>themselves and resolve things for themselves. That they can and should
>indeed pay attention to personal space, behaviors (e.g. tones of
>voice/giggling/hushed whispers) of people around them and their
>belongings
>and not assume for example it is them who lost something...or either
>assume
>it was stolen. It takes awhile of "lessons" to learn these things/it is
>a
>lifestyle of talking about it as things come up, knowing how other blind
>people "do" and "know", learning to be responsible in finding things
>they
>may have lost, learning to pay attention to other's behaviors. Lifestyle
>means it is incorporated naturally/matter-of factly in all kinds of
>discussions as LIFE occurs and not some long minutes, emotionally
>wrought,
>fraught with sensitivity BIG TALK:).
>
>Also: For ex. Here: Kendra can be made aware of what is in her lunch box
>ahead of time. Ian KNEW he had some crackers, it is both right that he
>make
>sure he did not misplace them and then when he is sure to trust what he
>knows and consider seriously that he has been robbed... in the  many
>examples of  others doing things because of the mistaken conclusion that
>the
>blind person will always not know what is going on because they can not
>see:
>discussions including prejudice/false notions, general meanness to
>anyone,
>and not assuming prejudice or meanness always, can all occur(the
>'pouring
>over the head'~that happens to sighted kids too~and it is a matter of
>paying
>attention sometimes and being aware that some people 'joke' like
>this...and
>then learning there is context; not every 'joke' like this is out of
>meanness and mistaken notions/prejudices some is indeed joking amongst
>friends or just flat out "not thinking" impulsiveness)...learning to
>differentiate all of this takes some maturity and practice. And still
>for
>those who live with daily false notions aimed at them, sometimes
>accepting
>you never really know for sure the "root" of a behavior and you can't
>overdo
>either and spend your life trying to analyze or even educate every
>instance>oh that tricky thing of balance;)
>
>*Blind/low vision children need to know they are not more fragile and
>can
>take this kind of thing and resolve it themselves and move on...sighted
>people need to know the blind/low vision person is also capable of
>resolving
>it w/out being 'scarred' for life.
>
>*Blind/Low vision children need to know that sight is NOT magic and has
>its
>limits and unreliability too and reversely that blindness does not come
>with
>special powers. In the "Handbook for Itinerant Teachers" Doris W.
>devotes a
>whole chapter. This is very important and the first discussions should
>happen very early, cuz it takes a long time and matures as
>developmentally
>they can consider deeper and wider. I can't tell you the number of times
>I
>have been shocked to discover highschoolers who have not been able to
>discuss their ideas freely and comfortably/naturally and have some idea
>that
>it is like "zapping~lightning~powerful magic" a direct quote from a VERY
>smart 15 year old whose parents never felt comfortable discussing what
>sight
>was and was not and could and could not do...or how many ten year olds I
>have met who still thought they could pick their noses and no one could
>tell...or thought people could see INDSIDE them...
>
>*Keeping things from a child almost never works; as has been mentioned
>CHILDREN (and even adults~surprise!) TALK, how horrifying and stupid
>feeling
>to find out and that no one told you it happened or felt you could be
>trusted to know and handle it.
>
>
>
>
>Carrie
>-----Original Message-----
>From: blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org [mailto:blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org]
>On
>Behalf Of Susan Harper
>Sent: Thursday, November 05, 2009 6:04 PM
>To: NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing List,(for parents of blind children)
>Subject: Re: [blindkid] Update on advice about a school incident
>
>Great job Mom.  This speaks to what a great job you have done raising a
>healthy child. It is never easy.  We only do the best we can!
>Blessings,
>Sue H.
>
>On Thu, Nov 5, 2009 at 12:47 PM, Kieszak, Stephanie (CDC/CCEHIP/NCEH) <
>sek7 at cdc.gov> wrote:
>
> > Thank you all so much for your feedback.  I spoke to Kendra about what
> > happened before she left for school this morning. Then her teacher
> > spoke
> > with her and the two boys at school.  Her TVI e-mailed me with the
> > note
> > that Kendra wrote about it:
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > Dear Mom,
> > I forgive XXX and YYY for taking the cookies out of my lunchbox.  I am
> > sad because they took my food without asking.  I do not like what they
> > did.  I am not going to sit with them any more.  We had a little
> > meeting
> > in the hallway and they talked about what they did and apologized.
> > Ms.
> > ZZZ and the boys and I talked about it and they promised they couldn't
> > sit at my table.
> > Sincerely,
> > Kendra
> >
> >
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> >
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