[blindkid] Adoption from China

Thu Feb 11 23:29:18 UTC 2010

OH, I LOVE HANK!
Carol

At 12:51 PM 2/11/2010, you wrote:
>You pose a good question Heather.
>The short answer is just like a child you give birth to, when you adopt a
>child there are no guarantees as to what issues you might end up dealing
>with.  A person definitely needs to go into this being wiling to take a leap
>of faith and be prepared to deal with whatever may come.  There's no factory
>warranty.  I hope this doesn't sound harsh, I don't mean it to be.  I'm
>thrilled when someone chooses international adoption but I'd never criticize
>someone who doesn't.  We all have to make the choices that work for our own
>family and it's important to understand and be realistic about all the
>factors before making those choices.  Domestic adoption doesn't come with
>any guarantees either and has it's own unique pitfalls but in most cases
>you'd be able to meet the child and draw your own conclusions before you
>commit, that might be an option to explore.
>
>For the longer answer, I can only speak about the China adoption program, I
>am not well versed in adoptions from other countries. China is considered a
>very stable & "safe" country to adopt from a paperwork/process point of
>view.  The rules and fees are clearly stated up front and are applied
>consistently.  While there can be some horror stories dredged up on the
>internet, overall there are very few surprises when it comes to the process
>itself.
>
>The information about the children is controlled by China, not the
>individual adoption agencies.  The files on the children are prepared by the
>orphanage staff and then filtered through the central adoption office in
>China run by the government. Those files are then distributed randomly to
>the various agencies in the US.  As far as the quality of information about
>a child, it's pretty much consistent across all agencies.  Meaning that no
>one agency gets better information than another.  There are occasions where
>an extra nugget of information turns up through someone visiting the
>orphanage or other back channels but that's hit or miss, not something that
>can be counted on.  You absolutely should research any agency carefully, get
>personal referrals, compare fees etc.  Doing an internet search will find
>you lots of blogs & message boards. There are good agencies & bad agencies
>but that has more to do with their business practices than the types of
>children they place.
>
>Generally speaking, China does not offer children up for adoption that are
>known to have a severe mental disability.  The key word though is known.
>Things do slip through the cracks, both for mental and medical issues.
>Medical exams are cursory. The quality of staff (and care) varies greatly
>from one orphanage to another. The person compiling the report may be a
>qualified social worker or may be a layperson checking off boxes.   Some
>organic conditions may not be apparent at a very young age and the files are
>put together several months or even over a year before a potential parent
>reads them.  It may be another year before you bring that child home.  A lot
>can change in that time and you won't necessarily receive updated
>information.  Even if the child does not have an organic brain issue, you
>have to consider the emotional effect being raised in an institutional
>setting can have.  Different kids have different levels of resiliency but I
>dare say no child comes through entirely unscathed.  Virtually all children
>will have delays in comparison to their homegrown peers, simply from lack of
>opportunity.
>
>For us personally, Hank's file said his eyesight was normal.  He had never
>had an actual eye exam, this was based on the observations of whoever filled
>out the forms. I don't think there was any deception involved, I think the
>person filing out the forms honestly didn't realize he was visually
>impaired. Most likely they didn't know anything about Albinism except that
>it makes his skin & hair white.  He is legally blind but he developed very
>good coping skills for himself.  I can understand the casual observer not
>realizing he has vision problems especially since he was a toddler at the
>time his file was created. We knew going in he had Albinism and I had done
>enough research to know his vision had to be impacted in some way.  If we
>had gone by the report alone, we would have had a big surprise.
>
>We did have a little scare when we were in the paperwork process.  A parent
>who had visited the orphanage contacted us to say they had seen Hank (he's
>easy to spot in a crowd!) and he was grouped in the room with the kids that
>did have mental disabilities.  They didn't get to interact with him but they
>wanted us to know they were concerned that it was apparent these kids were
>segregated from the more typical children and Hank was in with that group.
>Obviously we went forward anyway but it did cause concern and there was no
>way to get clarification.  Turns out Hank has no cognitive issues, in fact
>he's exceptionally bright.  Why was he in that group of kids?  I can't know
>for sure but I have a hunch it's more of a statement to the cultural beliefs
>about Albinism more than anything about Hank's abilities.
>
>He does have emotional scars from his upbringing. He was almost 6 when we
>adopted him and he came from a place that no child should be subjected to
>for even a day. That is a bigger impact on our day to day life than him
>being blind.  Even though I did my homework, even though I spent lots of
>time talking to the been there, done that crowd, his emotional issues were a
>lot harder to handle than I ever imagined.  Is he a great kid?  Yes!  Do I
>love him with every fiber of my being? Absolutely!  I don't regret adopting
>him for a second but I've got to say, I wouldn't have thought I was strong
>enough to handle this before I actually had to handle it.  Then I think
>about how strong he had to be just to survive to the point he could be
>adopted and it stops me in my tracks.  He is an incredible child.  I know
>every mother thinks that but there's something about this kid.  People are
>drawn to him.  Even at NFB functions, I can introduce myself and get that
>kind of blank "who is this lady?" smile.  Then I say "I'm Hank's mom..." and
>I get "OH!!!!  I love Hank!!!!"
>
>Ok, I think I've rambled on enough!
>I hope all of this is taken in the spirit intended and I'm happy to clarify
>anything the best I can.
>
>Holly
>aka Hank's mom
>
>
>On Wed, Feb 10, 2010 at 11:40 AM, Heather <craney07 at rochester.rr.com> wrote:
>
> > I have always been interested in how one might go about adopting a blind or
> > VI child from another country, but doing so and being sure that 
> the child is
> > blind only, without mental retardation could be difficult, 
> especially if the
> > child is quite young, has been abused or neglected, or if the 
> agency lies to
> > move the child out of the program.  In your opinion and experience, are
> > there opportunities out there, perhaps with the agency you mentioned, to
> > adopt blind children, for whom blindness is their only disability, or where
> > the system will be up front about the number, type and degree of special
> > needs?  Adopting is a wonderful thing to do, and I, as a blind parent, of a
> > blind mother and sighted father, feel that I could offer something special
> > to a blind child in need of a family, some time in the future.  Thoughts??
> >
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