[blindkid] alternative parenting guide

Wed Jul 21 15:37:03 UTC 2010

Hi all,
I've been following this thread because we adopted our daughter from Guatemala; 
it will be 4 yrs next month that she is home with us. We knew she had bilateral 
cataract surgery and had false lenses implanted; there was also strabismus in 
her left eye. When we took her to Bascom Palmer, they found many 
other conditions which we are dealing with now. As we continue to go to Bascom 
Palmer and other specialists/evals, we get more things added to her eye 
conditions. We are also looking at behavioral problems which my gut says are 
"developmental" problems as well as her not knowing how to deal with her visual 
disability. We are looking for help in those areas instead of waiting for all of 
it to fall apart at a later date. She has the same behavior rules and 
expectations as her older sister did, and that is how we look at it. Torrie is a 
child who has a visual disability, but she needs to be able to function 
independently as a person first. (hope that makes sense.) 

I agree with Holly and others -- you do have to have that gut feeling and go 
with that. Ask others, like on this list, who've been there, done that, and 
stick with what you know to be "right." We are getting right now, that Torrie 
"needs to tantrum" and that even sighted kids tantrum -- but they don't tantrum 
for 40 min and the "professionals" don't know what to do to calm her down. I 
have to keep remembering that Torrie was adopted so she has lost a birth mom and 
a foster mom where she was for almost 2 yrs! That is a huge huge trust issue ... 
so her tantruming could be several things (PTSD, vision, normal stranger anxiety 
or any other things I have running around in my head). We are seeking out the 
professionals to help her get thru all of this. I don't listen to the district 
as I know my child better than they do! And that is what you need to remember -- 
you are with your child 24/7 and you need to "feel right" about what you are 
doing for your child! And there are 2 other moms who have 
internationally adopted their girls just about the same time as we did. I have 
also been involved as a parent support person for other parents who are in our 
district who have VI kids. All of these places are great resources for feedback, 
support and encouragement.

You are in the right place ... the yahoo groups as a great start for info and 
encouragement!!!! I don't know how many times I have posed those questions that 
to the "normal" world sound crazy, but here you will get answers from people who 
have been there, done that! Just like Holly said, the more info you have, the 
"easier" it will be for the adoption agency to see that you are a proactive 
family and are working on behalf of your child! Kuddos to you!

Please feel free to contact me off list if you would like .... we have had some 
major problems in just the 3-yrs we have been with our school district -- Torrie 
starts kindergarten in August! 
 Doreen 

________________________________
From: holly miller <hollym12 at gmail.com>
To: Sherry DeFrancesco <sdefrancesco at optonline.net>; "NFBnet Blind Kid Mailing 
List, (for parents of blind children)" <blindkid at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Wed, July 21, 2010 12:48:28 AM
Subject: Re: [blindkid] alternative parenting guide

Hi Sherry!
Our younger son is adopted from China & has Albinism.  I'm always thrilled
to hear about more kids finding families!
While no blind parent should have to jump through hoops to be allowed to
parent, potential adoptive parents have a lot of hoop jumping to do, just
the nature of the beast.  Even if you know what to do on your own, showing
that you have taken the time to seek out resources, that you have a plan and
have sources of support and advice to turn to will make for a good home
study :smile

You will do fine with some old fashioned common sense but you are right, the
social workers and the paperwork pushers like to have reassurances.  We had
to provide specific examples of how we would handle Hank being blind and
what resources we had available, both medical and educational.  This is
something they ask of all prospective parents (rightly so!)

In my opinion, things a social worker will like to hear is that you are a
NFB and/or POBC member and you have befriended other blind parents.  If you
don't typically go to chapter meetings, try to get to some in the near
future so you can say you attend.  If you are on close terms with another
blind parent, use them as one of your references (assuming you know each
other well enough for that)  Or perhaps see if another blind parent is
willing to write a letter stating you are welcome to call on them for
mentoring and advice.  Belonging to online groups like this can be phrased
as being a member of a blind-parent and parent of blind children support
groups.  If there aren't books out there specifically targeting blind
parents, be able to reference the books on educating blind children like
Carol's "Making it Work" & Joe Cutter's O&M book.

Think about it like writing a resume.  You never want to lie but you
certainly want to project the best image of yourself as possible.

Best of luck!
Holly
aka Hank's mom

On Wed, Jul 21, 2010 at 12:07 AM, Sherry DeFrancesco <
sdefrancesco at optonline.net> wrote:

> Hi Steve and Laurie,
>
> Thank you. We too feel confident in our ability to parent. I enjoyed
> hearing about your family. Best to the both of you with your upcoming bundle
> of joy!
>
> Thanks for your good wishes.
> Sherry
>
>
_______________________________________________
blindkid mailing list
blindkid at nfbnet.org
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/blindkid_nfbnet.org
To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for blindkid:
http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/blindkid_nfbnet.org/doreenproverbs3%40bellsouth.net