[blindkid] Struggling with socialising

[Richard Holloway]

I appreciate your kind words, thanks! I get those "smack your forehead" moments all the time (I like your phrase, BTW), and the more I get them, the more I wonder what else I'm overlooking. They often come in conversations with other people when I'm sort of thinking aloud. "I just don't understand why Kendra doesn't... [you name it]... Oh... [SMACK!} Because she wouldn't know that.... [fill in the blank] if nobody told her... 

It really bugs me when it is something at school which they act like she should be doing (or know, etc.), then it becomes clear she isn't doing it because she is missing information! I remember a big problem with transitions a while back when Kendra refused to stop doing things and move quickly to the next activity. After some discussion, we realized that the rest of the kids had a bunch of visual cues that it was soon going to be time to change before the transition actually came. A teacher moves to a particular location, other kids are seen moving to a new activity around them, and so forth. The fix was someone prompting her that in a few  minutes it would be time to do so-and-so. Then maybe give one more cue, like "Mrs. Jones is getting ready to ring the bell." (Etc.) Otherwise, she was being "jolted" to abruptly stop and she wasn't ready.

It seems to me that over time, the gaps can be filled in to the point that I think a fairly reasonable concept can be built for most anything. It isn't that our kids don't learn as well, the problem is that they don't learn the same way-- they get information differently so we need to teach them with the appropriate alternative techniques and strategies. Some teachers really "get it". Others, however well intended, just never catch on quite as well.

I feel like we've been in better shape socially recently, but then I find more gaps in general information. What is happening outside the car while we drive, for example. With the windows up, a car becomes a "magic transporter" and Kendra has no idea that we just drove past a few dozen businesses, several hundred houses, uncounted phone poles and a handful of intersections with traffic lights. Then there are all the other vehicles we pass or that we drive next to which make sounds of interest once in a while but mostly are unnoticed just like cyclists and pedestrians-- how would she know about those? Of corse, none of explaining all of this taught her how the car actually works. Kendra wants to know, so we've had a number of session of exploring a driver's seat and all the knobs and switches and pedals. Why does she hear that clicking sound? Oh, that's the turn signal. Here it is and then I explain how and why we use it. Last week she wanted to know what starts the car. I thought I had explained pretty much the entire process, but no-- I guess I forgot to explain that part. All the little details are hard to remember! I think about this sort of thing, then I translate it to her school experience. What things does she know about vs. what things are being overlooked which the rest of the kids see each day? It is concerning...

I try not to let it overwhelm me. I know that when I shift the focus to one area we loose focus elsewhere, but as long as most of the time we focus on some area of incidental information, I think we're gaining on things overall. Another really nice thing is that after even a minimal knowledge base is built, Kendra will ask more questions from a simple cue. "What's that sound?" Oh, we're riding next to a big truck, and then I remember to discuss cars around us for a while. "What's that smell?" Oh, that's gasoline from the gas station we just drove past, so now we can discuss gas stations and other businesses nearby. Hopefully she asks questions that prompt such discussions with teachers and classmates as well.

Recently, Kendra was curious about what a plunger is. She told me she wanted to feel one. Well, she wasn't going to feel one that was around here! (No matter HOW well cleaned it might be, we don't need to explore a used plunger with our hands!) Still, she remained curious, and the best description I could offer seemed insufficient as far as I was concerned. I thought for a bit and realized that a NEW plunger is as clean as most any other thing you might find at the store; it is just a hunk of rubber on a stick after all, so we went to Home Depot and explored not only plungers but spent an afternoon looking at everything we could find in the store. (This took several hours.) So what was the most exciting part of the outing for her? You guessed it-- Kendra came home with "her very own plunger!" It seemed weird at first, but it was brand new information to her. Most kids would have already seen one of those many times, perhaps even daily, (like in the corner of a bathroom) but, as with so many things, she had just learned about them because nobody really discusses them very often and you don't generally run across them in day-to-day activities.

The Home Depot outing prompted more adventures because it was different than more common trips to the grocery store or the Mall or Wal Mart. Soon we needed to go to Sports Authority to explain about strange sporting goods-- cleats, turf shoes, different kinds of bats, all sorts of balls... you name it. This had drown out of some sort if shoe a friend had mentioned (I think it was a cleat). Soon after that, we went to Bass Pro to feel all sorts of camping and boating gear. She was amazed at all the different kinds and sizes of anchors, for example. She also had no idea from feeling the small outboard on a boat we have here that outboard engines could be small enough for her to pick up or over 7 feet tall and many hundreds of pounds, but there she could feel them one after another. Other kids would see that at the lake, but had I ever told her that? No, I had never thought of it. I see many similar outing for this summer when we have more free time...The list of possible places to explore is nearly endless, but I should stop talking! (I'm getting all excited and talking too much again, sorry!) 

Just a few thoughts I thought I'd share. As always, your mileage may vary.

Cheers.


On May 4, 2011, at 12:29 PM, Marie wrote:

> Richard, you are such a wonderful resource! Thank you so much for this. Jack
> is socially behind his peers and at nearly age 6 is just emerging from the
> parallel play stage. Because of the many things going on with Jack, it is
> sometimes hard to remember subtle things like describing the children around
> him may help get an interaction going. I have been a frequent modeler of
> saying hello but now (smack my forehead) I do realize that Jack must at
> least some of the time be wondering just who I am saying hello to! He has
> picked up the habit of saying hi. If he hears voices talking, he wants to
> "go say hi" and is pretty insistent about it. Thank you so much for sharing
> your experiences!!!