[blindkid] feelings of blind children

Tue Mar 5 14:45:54 UTC 2013

Arielle,

This is an important aspect of growing up blind and I am glad you 
brought it up.  Our kids are always listening to us (all our kids) 
and as we learn positive language to use when speaking about 
blindness to the public, our kids are listening and learning it, 
too.  So as we come upon the inevitable discrimination and negative 
assumptions when our kids are little, we speak on their behalf and 
model for them ways to respond.  We're then equipping them to take on 
the role as they get older so that they can become self confident 
self-advocates.

Carol

Carol Castellano
President, Parents of Blind Children-NJ
Director of Programs
National Organization of Parents of Blind Children
973-377-0976
carol_castellano at verizon.net
www.blindchildren.org
www.nfb.org/parents-and-teachers

At 09:59 PM 3/4/2013, you wrote:
>I think this is a great question. In addition to the good suggestions
>others have provided, I think the most difficult, but perhaps also the
>most important, conversations you will have with your kids about their
>blindness aren't about blindness itself, but about the public
>misperceptions of blindness that exist. I know for me, I never really
>minded not being able to see like others could, but what did bother me
>(and still does) is dealing with the negative attitudes and
>discriminatory behavior of the public. I recall when I was nine and
>starting the fourth grade, a lightbulb went off in my head and I began
>to realize that many adults and kids treated me differently than they
>treated other children. Even with adults I trusted like my teachers,
>grandparents and family friends, I observed that they would sometimes
>speak with me in a condescending way as compared to how they spoke to
>other kids. I can't describe exactly what they did that was different;
>it was just a sense I had and whereas before fourth grade I just
>assumed they treated all kids that way, after fourth grade I began to
>attribute these encounters to my blindness. Around this time I started
>getting into arguments with teachers and even being a little
>belligerent when it came to accepting blindness-related
>accommodations. After a few letters about my behavior came home, my
>parents sat me down and asked what was going on. I recall I burst into
>tears and said that I "hated being blind" but I think what I meant,
>but couldn't articulate yet, was that I hated being singled out or
>treated as if I were less capable because of blindness. I think there
>is more my parents could have done to prepare me for the reality that
>some sighted folks, including "good" people like my grandparents and
>teachers, don't understand blindness or the potential that blind
>people have. I do think that knowing more blind adult role models
>would have helped. I'm not sure how one should start that conversation
>or at what age a child should begin thinking about the unfortunate
>reality of discrimination, but perhaps if an incident comes up, it
>would be a good time to talk about it and to brainstorm some ways your
>child could handle difficult blind-sighted interactions.
>Arielle
>
>On 3/4/13, Barbara Hammel <poetlori8 at msn.com> wrote:
> > Okay, here's a perception from a blind adult about something that just
> > happened today and how even adults can say some stupid stuff.  At our IEP
> > today, the speech person asked us if blind people know who people are by
> > shaking their hand.  I hope I didn't look too askance when I told her we
> > know folks by their voices.  (And if you are our younger twin, 
> you know them
> >
> > by their smell.  He smells most of the people he encounters.  I think mom,
> > dad, and our two regular workers he doesn't any more.)
> > Barbara
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance. -- Carl Sandburg
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: DrV
> > Sent: Monday, March 04, 2013 6:49 PM
> > To: Blind Kid Mailing List, (for parents of blind children)
> > Subject: Re: [blindkid] feelings of blind children
> >
> > I'll echo these sentiments. I think adults get more worried about this
> > than the kids do (we did too).
> > The kids & often their classmates at that age take it all in stride & tend
> > not to make a big deal of it.
> > We did as Carol & Sally suggested.
> > Blind kids see & explore in a way that is different than mom or dad.
> > The comments by others will come up - sometimes they are comments or
> > questions that other kids just pose too loudly to their parents, sometimes
> > it is more direct.  Even adults can say some pretty stupid things.
> > I remember though when my eldest was about 6; a kid came up to him at the
> > aquarium & may a blunt comment about his cane. That launched a more
> > focused discussion at home. A few weeks later we went to our NFB State
> > Convention. What timing! The familiar sound of tapping of canes - but
> > magnified many-fold for a whole weekend was quite exciting. But I will
> > never forget the expression of excitement on his face when we piled into a
> > packed elevator - he first accidentally felt 1 cane, then another -> then
> > he actively reached around & counted 8 or 10 canes of various sized - & 2
> > guide dogs! It was quite a moving experience for all in the elevator. Over
> > the next few day a few adults let him take their canes for a spin. &
> > Braille everywhere, including the braille menus!
> > For that experience alone, I would urge you to attend convention if you
> > can - though I'm sure you will get so much more from the experience as
> > well.
> > Best wishes,
> > Eric
> >
> >
> > On 3/4/13 1:45 PM, "Carol Castellano" <carol_castellano at verizon.net> wrote:
> >
> >>Hi Alison,
> >>
> >>I think a gradual approach is a good idea, just the way you might
> >>deal with other complicated issues children might ask about--where do
> >>babies come from, etc..  Give enough info for the stage he's in.
> >>
> >>We found being matter-of-fact was helpful.  "Hey, Serena, do you know
> >>how Mommy reads the book?  I do it with my eyes.  Sighted people read
> >>with their eyes.  Blind people read with their fingers.  Remember Mr.
> >>Ruffalo?  He's blind and he reads with his fingers, just like you
> >>will some day."  That sort of thing.
> >>
> >>As time goes on and as various situations crop up, your son will get
> >>more and more information about how eyesight works and where it's the
> >>same and where it's different from seeing with the fingers.
> >>
> >>I also second Sally's advice to get to know lots of blind
> >>people.  This normalizes the situation for everyone in the family and
> >>also gives you a built-in group to get tips from on how blind people
> >>accomplish various tasks.
> >>
> >>Best wishes,
> >>Carol
> >>
> >>Carol Castellano
> >>President, Parents of Blind Children-NJ
> >>Director of Programs
> >>National Organization of Parents of Blind Children
> >>973-377-0976
> >>carol_castellano at verizon.net
> >>www.blindchildren.org
> >>www.nfb.org/parents-and-teachers
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>At 01:35 PM 3/4/2013, you wrote:
> >>>I wanted to say, Arielle, I appreciate your comments about how you
> >>>felt as a child regarding how your parents reacted to your
> >>>blindness.  It provides some good perspective for me as a sighted
> >>>parent of a blind four year old.
> >>>
> >>>Right now my son does not know that he is blind, but I can see the
> >>>wheels turning in his head.  He asks me about the paper I read
> >>>stories from and yesterday he asked what was the purpose of some
> >>>piano sheet music I was using.  The other day, a boy ran up to him
> >>>and grabbed his cane ignorantly, and asked several questions about
> >>>its purpose and about Nate's blindness.  I was very aware that Nate
> >>>was listening to what I said.  I try to answer in an honest and
> >>>non-judgmental way.  I often say to other kids that he can't see
> >>>with his eyes but that he uses his hearing, cane and touch
> >>>instead.  When asked why his eyes don't see, I say they formed
> >>>differently when he was a baby.  I don't know if these are the best
> >>>answers, so if anyone has any suggestions please let me know.
> >>>
> >>>And in the future when Nate asks me about it, I want to be honest,
> >>>yet not make him feel bad about it in any way.  Do I tell him that
> >>>most people see with their eyes, or do I let him figure this out on
> >>>his own?  I feel that telling him that fact might make him feel bad,
> >>>but should he know?  I would think the gradual approach might be
> >>>better.  As in some other topics with bringing up a child, maybe I
> >>>should match the complexity of the answer to the complexity of the
> >>>question?
> >>>
> >>>Thanks for any thoughts,
> >>>Alison
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> >>
> >>
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> >
> >
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