[blindkid] amazing blind people

Fri May 31 22:38:31 UTC 2013

I definitely got a lot of this, and sadly my mom ate it up on one hand, and
in another way totally didn't. My mom was told to give me up for adoption
because I would never walk or talk as we know the spectrum for people with
LCA is huge, and she obviously didn't have the right set of doctors so I
think sometimes she was praising herself because I wasn't that way at all,
but at the same time my mom has pretty much been done with all 4 of her kids
around 4th grade and completely detaches at this point. 

There was a teacher however who told my mom if she didn't let me be normal
she'd have to take care of me forever, and that gave her another push. So if
my friends did it so did I, and I can't thank her enough for that. But if I
did a project and mine didn't compare to the sighted kids she would find a
way to help mine look like there's. Sewing in Girl Scouts comes to mind. I
had the most difficult time as a third grader who couldn't see the examples
sewing, so when I struggled we did it on a larger scale and eventually I
made mine as good as the rest, and earned the badge. She never let me get an
award or badge or anything like that I didn't earn. I don't think she
bragged more than any other mom, until I got sick with my kidneys and it was
explained to her that I had prob been sick for several years and that I
wasn't lazy but sick, and then she was a bit more braggy without cause in my
opinion.  

Often she would say things like Thank you, but she is just a normal kid who
is blind. We didn't have the NFB as my mom wasn't into anything group
oriented and still isn't, but she knew one thing and I think it took me the
whole way. My kid won't be pitied. She will live in society like the rest of
us, and that she made happen. 

One thing that really helped her is in Second and Third grade my elementary
school higher a blind tutor for me to work on Braille and such since the
TVII didn't have enough time to give me what I needed. This lady was
married, had a daughter just a few years younger than me, and she loved to
teach. She is an amazing writer and musician too. We are still friends
today. The interesting part about this is she is a horrible house keeper and
will tell you herself, but as a young kid she could read and write, and was
a mommy, and since I didn't know she was messy back then I saw her as the
perfect blind person. She took the train and bus to my school, so I knew
when I grew up I'd be able to go to work on my own. I'm still close friends
with her today! I think that blind mentor is a great and needed opportunity.

I was also taught to except compliments, but I also was willing enough to
say I did it just like Sarah or Nicky too. Which usually got my friends
praised and took some of the aquardness out of it.

So yes this hard, and takes some careful thought. Please don't let your kids
have false thoughts. If their academics aren't college level figure out to
fix that. If their art isn't truly nice don't pretend it is because if you
don't know the truth you can't fix it!

Bran

Brandy Wojcik
Discovery Toys Educational Consultant
www.playtoachieve.com

-----Original Message-----
From: blindkid [mailto:blindkid-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Arielle
Silverman
Sent: Thursday, May 30, 2013 6:16 PM
To: Blind Kid Mailing List, (for parents of blind children)
Subject: Re: [blindkid] amazing blind people

Hi Joy and all,

Joy asked about how we think parents should respond to comments about their
blind kids being amazing, etc. I have struggled a little with the best
advice to give about this because I think it's a tricky thing and although I
don't think my parents handled it adequately, I'm unsure what they should
have done instead. Generally my parents encouraged me to be gracious and
accepting of any compliments I received and to be kind and appreciative in
all my interactions with others even if they were being patronizing toward
me, grabbing me etc.
I am not sure how my parents handled comments about me in my absence, but my
sense is that they probably said little to correct their friends'
misconceptions about me. I think this was partly because my parents were
part of a tight-knit community where the parents bragged on all the kids all
the time, so talk of impressive accomplishments was just natural. Also my
parents really try to get along with everyone and not make waves, and I
don't think they realized how impactful the negative attitudes about
blindness are in our society. I grew up in an over-privileged suburb in a
school system that gave my parents everything they wanted, or if they didn't
get something they just bought it themselves, so they never had to do much
advocating. If I got upset about being condescended to or held to low
standards, they kind of just thought I was overreacting. I guess what I
would have wished for most of all was for my parents to validate how I felt
about the sighted public even if they didn't personally understand what I
was going through. I think the biggest piece of advice I would give is to
make sure your kids have blind adults they can go to if they are struggling
with a particular person in their lives, or unsure how to respond to
compliments, overhelping etc. I didn't have any blind adults I really
trusted until I was in college, (lots of blind friends around my age but no
adult mentors) and I do think that would have helped me a lot.
I know the situation Carol described, with her daughter being excited about
a prize she got that was undeserved, is a tricky one to deal with. I'd be
curious to know how you handled it. I think finding people for your kids to
be around who have high standards, and don't over-praise them, should be a
priority. That might also mean spending less time with folks who baby or
over-praise your kids. Also, competitive activities or classes (i.e. writing
classes, music classes, etc.) are good ways for kids to figure out where
they stand in comparison with others in a particular subject and to learn
how to improve at that subject if they so choose. Of course, you'll want to
be sure the teacher or coach has appropriate standards for your blind child.

Arielle

On 5/29/13, Joy Orton <ortonsmom at gmail.com> wrote:
> Arielle, Thanks for raising a great point. I like to say, "My daughter 
> is amazing, but it's not because she can walk down the hall by 
> herself." She does happen to be a Braille Challenge winner, and THAT is
super cool.
>
> I would love to hear from more adult blind people about how your 
> parents dealt with this, and how you wish your parents had dealt with 
> comments like, "You're so amazing, inspiring, etcetera."
>
> Joy
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