[blindkid] Dealing with selfish behavior

Mon Jun 2 12:26:04 UTC 2014

I agree with Arielle, I have a now 15yr old and she also liked to call all the shots, mostly to have control over other hyper kids around her, it is a good natural instinct, but it does not sit well with the sighted. 
It was a big challenge for my daughter to let go of trying to control a group, she did not like the hyperness of elementary school kids, they are very unpredictable and one moment they are here and the next they are gone, this caused her some anxiety, but we talked about it a lot, she would ask "why are they that way?" and filling in gaps was a reassuring too, there is so much that happens all at once and they miss out on a lot of it that if they knew it would make more sense. I know this might sound silly, but I wished we had had the option of video description as they have it now for tv shows for kids, there is so much incidental learning that even my daughter says "oh I wish that existed when I was younger". 
It is great to have her volunteer, but also realize the behavior may stem from anxiety, just another thought.

-----Original Message-----
From: via blindkid <blindkid at nfbnet.org>
To: blindkid <blindkid at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Sun, Jun 1, 2014 11:11 pm
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Dealing with selfish behavior

Family boundaries still come into play and discussing consequences for certain 
behaviors.  When she loses friends, it may be a hard lesson to learn.  We can't 
"rescue" them.   It is more painful for us sometime to allow nature to take its 
course.  We need to take the time to discuss, affirm and try again.  I tell my 
son he has to make a choice.  If he doesn't do X, then Z will happen.  His room 
is a lonely place for a period of time.  My hook is technology.

Socially, it has been very difficult, but I find role playing and natural 
consequences help.  Teachable moments.  For all our kids we used a support 
system for parenting effectively... so  glad you reached out and don't give up!  
Things do change.

-----Original Message-----
From: Pui via blindkid <blindkid at nfbnet.org>
To: Arielle Silverman <arielle71 at gmail.com>; Blind Kid Mailing List, (for 
parents of blind children) <blindkid at nfbnet.org>
Sent: Sun, Jun 1, 2014 10:55 pm
Subject: Re: [blindkid] Dealing with selfish behavior

I have a sighted 9 year old and I could throttle him sometimes! Traci, hang on 
in there! 

Sent from my iPad

> On Jun 1, 2014, at 7:09 PM, Arielle Silverman via blindkid 
<blindkid at nfbnet.org> wrote:
> 
> Hi Traci and all,
> 
> While I think that getting blind kids involved in volunteerism is
> great for many reasons, I'm not sure it really addresses her issues
> with behaving selfishly. I suspect that she is acting this way at
> least in part because it is hard for her to take another's
> perspective, as it is for many kids including myself when I was her
> age. I wonder if requiring her to go along on your or her brother's
> errands, for example, might teach her how obnoxious it is when someone
> else is calling all the shots or making her do things she doesn't
> enjoy doing. It could also be a good way to teach compromise, if she
> has to go along on an outing or activity someone else enjoys and she
> doesn't, but then in return if she is cooperative she can choose the
> next outing or activity for the family.
> I also think that sometimes blind kids can put on a bossy front to
> regain control in environments where much of the action is
> inaccessible to them. If all the kids on the playground are playing
> sports that aren't adapted or are excluding a blind child from their
> games, the blind child's best defense may be to come up with
> activities she can do and then demand the other kids join her in those
> activities. It's worth making sure that the popular social activities,
> sports, etc. her peers are participating in are fully accessible so
> she is not limited to just one or two options.
> 
> Best,
> Arielle
> 
>> On 6/1/14, oandemom . via blindkid <blindkid at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>> Oooh, I know just the church thrift store where she can do that!  :)
>> 
>> Thanks for the tip!
>> 
>> Traci
>> 
>> 
>> On Sun, Jun 1, 2014 at 5:46 PM, Marianne Denning <marianne at denningweb.com>
>> wrote:
>> 
>>> I had a blind student and her Mom took her to fold and hang clothes at
>>> a church where people can go to get clothing when they need this help.
>>> It accomplished two things.  The student learned to fold and hang
>>> clothes very well and she learned to give back.  I tell all of my
>>> students that we need to move beyond independence to interdependence.
>>> It is important that blind people give back as well as receive.
>>> 
>>>> On 6/1/14, oandemom . via blindkid <blindkid at nfbnet.org> wrote:
>>>> Hello!  I have a daughter, 9 and VI, who tends to be bossy and selfish.
>>> I
>>>> feel I have to watch her interact with other children b/c she has a
>>> strong
>>>> personality and she wants to control what is being played.  I do my best
>>> on
>>>> this front.   Lately she has been very selfish, unless it is something
>>> that
>>>> benefits her, she isn't interested (you would think she is a teenager!)
>>>> -
>>>> its very frustrating.  We talk about how she isn't allowed to disrupt
>>>> our
>>>> family with her behavior (I do have some guidance from a special
>>>> behavior
>>>> preschool that she attended but I'm going off what I remember back then,
>>>> but she attended mostly due to her social skills) - that she has to be a
>>>> helpful part of this family and do as she is told, etc.  Today, I have
>>> been
>>>> reduced to making her write something 100 times because I just don't
>>>> know
>>>> what to do with her anymore.
>>>> 
>>>> I am trying to find some volunteer opportunities to have her give of her
>>>> time to help others and to think of others, but I know she will think it
>>> is
>>>> fun, b/c she is "working"  - she loves to work.  She may like it for 5
>>> min
>>>> and then be done, so it may actually work out okay, but I need to try
>>>> it.
>>>> I thought of soup kitchens, but she won't get that visual effect that is
>>>> what I'm really looking for to make her have an appreciation of what she
>>>> does have.
>>>> 
>>>> I don't really think taking things away from her will work, b/c she
>>> doesn't
>>>> even know half the stuff in her room, she is so out of sight, out of
>>> mind.
>>>> 
>>>> Does anyone know of any volunteer activities that they have done or seen
>>>> that a 9 year could be included in and really get something out of it.
>>> We
>>>> talk all the time about how there are many kids who don't have what she
>>>> has, etc etc, but it just doesn't click with her, as I'm sure it doesn't
>>>> for many kids her age.
>>>> 
>>>> I would appreciate ANY suggestions!!!
>>>> 
>>>> Thanks,
>>>> Traci
>>>> _______________________________________________
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>>> 
>>> 
>>> --
>>> Marianne Denning, TVI, MA
>>> Teacher of students who are blind or visually impaired
>>> (513) 607-6053
>> 
>> 
>> 
>> --
>> Traci Wilkerson
>> Cell – 919-971-6526
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> 
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