[nabs-l] A Leaving the Nest Comparative

[Carrie Gilmer]

Hello All,

The discussion on college-adult-flying the coop readiness has me thinking
and comparing my own readiness as a sighted high school graduate to my blind
son's, who is now in his senior HS year. I think it is a good comparative
and I would like to share it for your consideration. Although I graduated in
1977, everything I needed then is still needed, and even more for someone
graduating today in 2008-09.

 

I was 17 years old when I graduated from high school. I had already been
driving for two years, going all over my town, to big cities, and nearby
states on my own or with friends in the car. I had been riding a bike all
over town since I was eleven. I had taken city buses since I was in 7th
grade. The last time I had worried about street crossing was when I was
five.  I had been going to the mall and shopping alone since I was in 7th
grade and malls were invented. I knew how to read a map and ask for
directions or for assistance if I could not find something in a store. I
knew how to figure 20% off. I had already worked two years at Sears in the
clothing department when I graduated from high school. I was an excellent
reader, could take all notes for myself since middle school, knew how to use
the library and started learning research in middle school too. I knew how
to bake things like bread and cookies, and make a few simple meals. I could
make breakfast and lunches easily. I had been cleaning since middle school
also, dusting ,vac, laundry, yard work, dishes, bathrooms, ironing. I knew
how to study, and also how to respectfully argue with my teacher if I
thought an answer marked wrong should have been correct or was worded badly
on the test-smile. All my peers did the same things, and except for myself
being a classic under-achiever, there was little I needed to know to survive
on my own if I had to when I graduated from high school. About the only
thing I had glaringly no knowledge of was money and banking. I just cashed
my checks from Sears and spent them-smile. I didn't need to know any
technology because there wasn't any-smile.

 

Now my son will graduate this spring. He has been all over town and across
country (planes, trains and automobiles-taxis, and buses) dozens of times on
his own already. He has not worried about crossing a street since he was 10
(never got a cane or travel instruction or much alone street experience in
our suburb until he was eight). He got sleep shade and travel training over
the summers every summer  from 2000 until 2007. He knows how to ask for any
kind of assistance, problem solve, and read directions and understand
someone else reading maps. He does have some usable vision, but is likely he
will not within the next four years-but he is able to change seamlessly from
the vision he has to no vision (sleepshades) without losing any skill level
or confidence. He actually has more independent long distance and unfamiliar
travel experience than some of his peers-on the other hand he has less in
those his age who are out driving extensively traveling alone everyday, on
the other hand he knows how to use public transportation (in several
different big cities) and many of his peers do not. If he were to go out
with peers, it is as likely that, while they may drive, he is the one who
knows where they are going and how to get there and back.

I think there enough to worry about leaving home, if anything should be
ideal when doing so travel is at the top of my list.

 

Cooking, and managing meal prep and time and getting groceries takes a lot
of practice and use a variety of skills and decision making. I burned a few
burgers and things myself before I got a good feel for it. I believe the
basics should be known whether or not you cook very much in your freshman or
sophomore years. Jordan has been making his own breakfast everyday,
including eggs, since he was a freshman in high school every morning. It
means he has long ago found out how to manage time and getting ready for the
day, established for himself morning routines and having failures of missing
buses, sleeping late,(these things only occurred a handful of times total)
desiring more or less to eat given when lunch might come that day and
anything else such as a brief going over of something for a test that day or
printing something off-all these things are second nature to him already. He
is leaving home with at least as much cooking, shopping, cleaning and time
management and organizational and decision making and emergency and advocacy
skill as I had-in many cases more.

 

He knows more about money and banking than I did and it will serve him well.
He has ordered his own textbooks for two years and experienced the failure
of what happens if you forget to get with a teacher or order something in
enough time. He has organized all his own work and study habits since eighth
grade and lived with and learned from the poor choices. He knows all
computer and technology, including Excel and Power Point. He is not as fast
a reader as I was, he did not get Braille full time until sixth grade, but
he can read a speech aloud in Braille at the typical speech speed. He has
much more public speaking ability and experience than I did, this can only
help him immensely. He can take notes, including with the slate, but he
could use speed improvement. He knows how to research and how to hire and
find a reader. We need to work on the firing-smile. He has not had a real
job, it has been a choice between keeping up a 3.8 with nearly all honors or
AP classes. He does know how to work and understands business and societal
etiquette. He also has given summers to training with blindness skills
rather than working. He has had some small work experience-two or three
weeks twice in NFB related things, and hundreds of hours of varied volunteer
work. He has also participated in much more extra curricular than I did. Pep
and Jazz band, student council, Spanish club, school newspaper, etc. I
maintained a B average with average classes and was in no extra curricular
when I worked a job in high school. I ended up average, never finished
college myself, and don't make much money. He has a much better chance of
getting a good career and good pay with job security in something he is
passionate about- and he will never put his poor old mother in a nursing
home, smile. Isn't that what parents want-a better start for their own kids
than they had? Isn't that what kids should want too?

 

So to shorten it up-he is leaving home with the same level of skills and
independent survival-maybe more in some cases of independence and better
informed choice of moral and time management and money things than I had
experience or mentorship with at the same age. I tell you what, I would be
uncomfortable with him leaving home with any smidgen of less skill than he
has. It all started in elementary school. In today's world and with all the
pressures and technologies and new things and making adult decisions for the
first time-those who have the most success and least stress, sighted or
blind, are those who started independence practice in every area needed for
adult life from the beginning. So in a way, I think many of the "ideals"
should be minimals: and are-for many of those sighted kids who are going off
to college. Granted many parents today have raised dependent sighted
kids-but their stress level is high and chances for success are at risk then
too. I don't want my son to just survive, I want him to thrive! And that is
what I want for all students. Sorry to talk about ya Jordan in public
again-hope you don't mind-that is life as the preacher's son (hope you
noticed the insert on not putting me in a nursing home). I hope you ask on
your website for high school students to demand really normal and high
expectations for themselves and from their parents and teachers. People are
more at risk from the bar set too low than too high.

 

Best,

 

Carrie Gilmer, President

National Organization of Parents of Blind Children

A Division of the National Federation of the Blind

NFB National Center: 410-659-9314

Home Phone: 763-784-8590

carrie.gilmer at gmail.com

www.nfb.org/nopbc