[nabs-l] Dating and relationships

Sun Dec 13 15:50:03 UTC 2009

Antonio, I suggest an online chat. Thanks for passing my suggession along to the committee. It would not create a high phone bill for people to have an online chat rather than a phone call for two hours. Albert

> From: iamantonio at cox.net
> To: nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> Date: Sun, 13 Dec 2009 03:30:04 -0500
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating and relationships
> 
> Hello Joe and others,
> 
> I appreciate the message with suggestions about the conference call topic, 
> and its relevance to blind students. I am a member of the membership 
> committee, and a guest speaker on the call, so you may take my comments 
> witha grain of salt.
> 
> 1. The subject of dating is a universal matter, regardless of whether one is 
> blind or sighted. The NFB believes blind people to be not much different 
> from the sighted public. While NABS is a blind student organization, and 
> should focus on blind student topics, we recognize that students around the 
> age of most of our members may face some insecurities around dating, and 
> relationships. Some insecurities may have to do with blindness, such as 
> table etiquette, as you mentioned. How do you read body language, and figure 
> out if a girl is looking at you in a flirtatious way, and what is 
> appropriate dating behavior?
> 
> If one is not experienced by way of social grace, connection, and previous 
> relationships, she or he may be uncomfortable. I certainly was, and 
> blindness came into view for me. Do sighted women want to date me, a blind 
> guy who can't give her the football boyfriend status, or the my boyfriend 
> drives a nice car status. There are things a blind boyfriend can't offer in 
> the way of such superficial things.
> 
> Besides, I belong to a class of people, blind people, who claim a 70 percent 
> unemployment rate. How can I then, afford to be taking the object of my 
> attraction on dates, or even take cabs to see her?
> 
> Who wants to date a mate who is only 30 percent likely to get a job?
> 
> The answers are found deep within why we are part of the NFB, and of NABS. 
> We change the realities for us by furthering our education, and pursuing our 
> dreams.
> 
> 2. The membership committee has held conference calls in previous years, and 
> one this year, and attendance was slim. Why, I ask? Why does our membership 
> not show up to the calls? A few might criticize the way this is done, or how 
> that is accomplished, but I thought our previous call was interesting and 
> informative, and less people than have taken part in this thread showed up.
> 
> I think that rotating from serious topics, to lighted ones will bring is 
> some needed variety to what we do. We can't be all work and no play. I hope 
> that people show up to this call, and future ones, and give input, and 
> constructive criticism. I also hope that the topic interests people, and 
> brings more people in to participating in the calls.
> 
> 3. If a topic is good enough for a NABS, blind student division, seminar, 
> why wouldn't it be relevant to other NABS activities, like a conference 
> call?
> 
> Antonio Guimaraes
> 
> If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup 
> trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of 
> highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary 
> works in Braille.
> 
> Shop online and support the NFB of RI at no additional cost to you.
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> Givebackamerica.org, America's Online Charity Shopping Mall
> ----- Original Message ----- 
> From: "Joe Orozco" <jsorozco at gmail.com>
> To: "'National Association of Blind Students mailing list'" 
> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> Sent: Saturday, December 12, 2009 12:04 PM
> Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating and relationships
> 
> 
> > Hello,
> >
> > I guess I'm the skunk at the picnic. Definitions of what constitutes
> > healthy relationships is a boundless question and one that has universal
> > appeal to both blind and sighted people alike. Twelve hour's worth of
> > discussion would not get a group of people to agree on a good definition,
> > because each person's perspectives are so different.
> >
> > Overall, I'm missing the point of how dating and relationships has a very
> > significant influence on the work of a student division. Is it a good
> > social talk? Most definitely. Will it get us any closer to making NABS
> > compete for influence over students who need to learn about independence? 
> > I
> > don't think so, but I am not a complete rainmaker. I think it comes down 
> > to
> > strategy, and in the hot subject of romance I think the better venue would
> > be a breakout session at one of the division's two annual gatherings.
> >
> > Now, I do not like criticisms without constructive feedback, so here are 
> > the
> > questions I would use to structure the conversation in a way that may help
> > participants come away with more than just ten tips on how to seduce and
> > conquer.
> >
> > 1. What are some good websites that give detailed descriptions of current
> > fashions and general clothing lines?
> >
> > 2. Who should you take to the store to help you select items of clothing,
> > and what are some good expectations to set for them so that they do not
> > dress you according to their personal views?
> >
> > 3. How do ladies go about the task of applying makeup? Are there stores
> > that feature representatives who can take the time to do this?
> >
> > 4. Where can guys learn about professional dress, ironing, facial hair
> > maintenance, etc.
> >
> > 5. Where can both guys and girls learn about table etiquette?
> >
> > 6. How do you pull off using taxis? How do you decide on this versus 
> > public
> > transportation? If you're walking, how do you survey the terrain? Do you
> > take the guide dog, or do you bust out the cane?
> >
> > 7. If the other person is sighted, how do you diplomatically set
> > expectations of walking hand-in-hand versus overkill on the sighted guide?
> >
> > 8. How far in advance should you plan your trip so that you are doing as
> > much of it independently and minimize the need for questions once you are
> > there?
> >
> > There are dozens of others, but I think you will find these questions will
> > generally help you in daily life, not just dates, which I think would be a
> > better return on your investment of time. My senior year in high school I
> > actually went to the hotel where our prom would be held two weeks in 
> > advance
> > so that I could get a sense of the layout, learn bathroom locations, that
> > sort of thing. My friend and I, who would end up double dating with two
> > ladies, picked a restaurant, mapped the location of where it was in 
> > relation
> > to the hotel, identified a few options for ourselves after the dance, and
> > while this may all seem like too much strategy, I can assure you that on 
> > the
> > night of said prom, I was more focused on my date than I was on where the
> > heck we might or might not end up. Some people might find excitement from
> > being adventurous. There is a way to accomplish this, but this has to do
> > with your confidence as a traveler. If you do not feel comfortable
> > deviating from your plans to go to Restaurant X instead of Restaurant Y, 
> > you
> > have bigger issues far removed from deciding whether or not you're going 
> > to
> > ask the girl out.
> >
> > At any rate, personal views of strategy notwithstanding, the conversation
> > should prove interesting, I am sure, and I commend the Membership guys for
> > holding these calls.
> >
> > Joe Orozco
> >
> > "A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back on the
> > crowd."--Max Lucado
> >
> > -----Original Message-----
> > From: nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org
> > [mailto:nabs-l-bounces at nfbnet.org] On Behalf Of Darian Smith
> > Sent: Friday, December 11, 2009 9:13 PM
> > To: National Association of Blind Students mailing list
> > Subject: Re: [nabs-l] Dating and relationships
> >
> > Melissa, you bring up a good point that I'm not sure you are even
> > aware you did.
> > The matter of what is a healthy relationship and what isn't.
> > I honestly like the fact this topic was brought up and hope
> > that more contributions are added to this string and that you
> > all are able to attend the call and share your views on this
> > stuff! I love it.
> > Thanks Antonio!
> > Darian
> >
> > On 12/11/09, Melissa Green <graduate56 at juno.com> wrote:
> >> Hey what about this question.
> >> what is the definition of dating?, a relationship? and what is the
> >> diference?
> >> I think that dating and or a relationship get confused.
> >> If someone asks you to give up your friends, or your family.
> >> That is not a good sign.
> >> That is unhealthy.
> >>
> >> Sincerely,
> >> Melissa Green
> >> Without Christ I am nothing, Without me Christ is still God. It's
> >> because of Christ I am able to stand!!!
> >> Live journal topaz5674
> >> Blog: http://readergirl5674.blogspot.com
> >> Facebook: melissa green northern colorado
> >> twitter: melissa5674
> >> msn: graduate1531 at msn.com
> >> Skype: lissa5674
> >>
> >> ----- Original Message -----
> >> From: "Antonio M. Guimaraes" <iamantonio at cox.net>
> >> To: "National Association of Blind Students mailing list"
> >> <nabs-l at nfbnet.org>
> >> Sent: Friday, December 11, 2009 7:00 AM
> >> Subject: [nabs-l] Dating and relationships
> >>
> >>
> >>> Hello all,
> >>>
> >>> In light of the upcoming call this Sunday on dating and
> >>> relationships, I wanted to get some of you thinking about
> > the subject.
> >>>
> >>> I am one of the guest speakers on the call, and would love to hear
> >>> your thoughts and views on relationships.
> >>>
> >>> Why do people date? Do you do it so as not to be alone, or to have
> >>> company? what's the difference.
> >>>
> >>> Who pays? The male or female?
> >>>
> >>> What interesting things do you do together as a couple? What about
> >>> room for your "other" friends?
> >>>
> >>> Shoot your messages this way, and I will try and tell you as much as
> >>> I can about me, or as much as my girlfriend will let me, grin.
> >>>
> >>> Antonio Guimaraes
> >>>
> >>> If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of
> >>> pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an
> >>> infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all
> >>> the world's great literary works in Braille.
> >>>
> >>> Shop online and support the NFB of RI at no additional cost to you.
> >>> http://www.givebackamerica.com/charity.php?b=169
> >>> Givebackamerica.org, America's Online Charity Shopping Mall
> >>> _______________________________________________
> >>> nabs-l mailing list
> >>> nabs-l at nfbnet.org
> >>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/listinfo/nabs-l_nfbnet.org
> >>> To unsubscribe, change your list options or get your account info for
> >>> nabs-l:
> >>> http://www.nfbnet.org/mailman/options/nabs-l_nfbnet.org/graduate56%40
> >>> juno.com
> >>>
> >>
> >> ____________________________________________________________
> >> Hotel
> >> Hotel pics, info and virtual tours. Click here to book a
> > hotel online.
> >> http://thirdpartyoffers.juno.com/TGL2141/c?cp=FWiEZEEyUp4mZzpK_lPylAAA
> >> J1BvHzEFemsEEZ0HiReBRkMJAAYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATRA
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> >>
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> >>
> >
> >
> > --
> > The National Federation of the Blind has launched a nationwide
> > teacher recruitment campaign to help attract energetic and
> > passionate individuals into the field of blindness education,
> > and we need your
> > help! To Get Involved go to:
> > www.TeachBlindStudents.org
> >
> >
> > "And if you will join me in this improbable quest, if you feel destiny
> > calling, and see as I see, a future of endless possibility stretching
> > before us;
> > if you sense, as I sense, that the time is now to shake off our
> > slumber, and slough off our fear, and make good on the debt we owe
> > past and future generations,
> > then I'm ready to take up the cause, and march with you, and work with
> > you. Together, starting today, let us finish the work that needs to be
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